DH keeps weeing in our bed!

[WhosBeenWeeingInMyBed]

Name changed and on here for a bit of traffic because I don't know what to do!

Ever since childhood, DH has suffered with night terrors and things like sleep talking and walking. Recently, we woke up to a wet patch on the bed, alerting me to it. It was far too big to be the cat and smelled of human wee. The trajectory and the dryness of my DH's pants showed that he'd got out of bed, got his penis out and peed on the bed (his side) then got back in! Our bed has a mattress topper that is essentially a block of foam, so it was difficult to get all the wee out, but we did to the best of our ability, put cleaning products over the top, got a new duvet and thought it was a one off.

Weeks later, and it's happened again. DH is mortified and really upset, even though it's not his fault (had not been drinking, and was asleep), and we've cleaned again, and washed all the bedclothes, but I can still smell wee. I think it's the duvet. Does anyone have any experiences of getting urine out of memory foam or duvets? And does anyone know how we can stop this happening again? Poor DH is really upset!

You can wash your duvet in a big washer at a launderette but I'd chuck the memory foam, and I'd see the doctor PDQ.

Is he taking any medication? Lots of drugs can affect sleep patterns, especially in someone prone to disturbed sleep.

PurpleWithRed I don't want to chuck it if at all possible- I suffer with back problems, but can't afford a good mattress or even a new topper. I wish I could though, it's a bit gross thinking he's pissed on it (although if I got a new one, what if it happened again?!)

AnyoneforTurps No medication, DH is generally healthy, but does suffer with anxiety. I've thought maybe it's stress, but DH doesn't seem to be any more stressed than usual.

Has he ever had any investigations done by a neurologist? It might be a form of narcolepsy or epilepsy. Perhaps meds to treat these might help. Lots of people have seizures only in the night, lots of seizures result in weird behaviour.

Just a wild guess, not based on any science but might be worth a try. Poor bloke, must be horrible for him.

Chuck the topper out its not worth trying to get it out. Do the duvet at the launderette.
I think I would be putting a waterproof sheet on the bed until he's got to the bottom of it.

In the meantime buy 2 single duvets to put on the bed so you can just bung them in the washer yourself one at a time rather than faff on with launderettes.

Buy some simple solution from pets at home or amazon and soak the mattress with it. We have a rescue dog who has peed liberally on ours in the past.

Secondly, invest in a mattress protector for the time being, until this is resolved.

Lastly, is your DH under some kind of stress that he's bottling up? I had something a bit like this years ago. I went to the GP and although she was at a bit of a loss tbh, I got some meds, dealt with the underlying issue and it has never happened again. Get him to the GP. There may be something completely medical underlying it, in which case it won't improve without help.

Speak to Docs bit in the meantime could you put a couple of those bed mats for incontinence or the kids ones under the sheet?

Probably is stress, especially given his history of sleep disorders. But worth getting a GP check up just to rule out infection etc (unlikely as only 2 episodes some time apart but occasionally UTIs show up in odd ways). He should take a urine sample collected the 1st time he pees in the morning.

Don't worry though - much more likely stress than any underlying health issue (I'm a GP)

Simple solution Promise you it will work! We have an untrainable rescue dog who pees everywhere. Mattresses, carpets, sofas, it gets the smell and stain out 100%. Will work on human pee too!

You can get disposable pads you put on the bed, this may help if it happens in the future.

Am thirding being referred by the GP to a neurologist. It could be a form of seizure, or you can get REM disturbance. May not be, but no harm in checking. Very treatable .

He has had this since childhood so it could be a form of epilepsy. Epilepsy is also affected by hormones, though the male menopause is probably a bit of a long shot.

DaughterDilemma I hope so, we're in our early 20s!

I'm going to try and convince DH to see a GP (I considered UTI too, but didn't think of epilepsy or similar), but have a feeling he may be too embarrassed to go!

No-one has ever died of embarrassment and he should go and have a chat with the GP. Also they have seen an awful lot before now, they won't be at all shocked by what he tells them.

GP now!

Yes, it's embarrassing, but surely he does not think that's a good enough reason to not find out why he's unconsciously urinating on your bed/potentially you?

If you are young they will probably accuse him of drinking too much, it is something that alcoholics do. But do try and get to the gp for a neuro assessment. That level of night terrors can't be right. Did he have a tough childhood perhaps? If so then counselling would be the way to go.

Had he been drinking?

OP said he wasn't drinking.

Poor DH :( must be really embarrassed.

Definitely invest in some waterproof sheets and those drynites bed mats are good too - they have double sided tape on now so you stick them on under the normal sheet.

And yes, doctor time I think :(

I'm worried about drip feeding but also outing myself, as DH didn't really want me talking to people about this. I think I should probably make it clear that DH is training to be a doctor, so whilst is aware they've seen it all before, struggles sometimes with going to the GP from a personal social anxiety standpoint (having had placements at basically every GP in our area). I think DH is kind of struggling to see this as a thing that's happened multiple times because he blames himself personally for them and feels very guilty.

DaughterDilemma DH didn't have a difficult childhood in that it wasn't abusive, but was a bit emotionally stunted and is certainly what has lead to DH having crippling social anxiety. DH has done a lot of counselling and psychotherapy, but isn't doing it currently.

Try washing the mattress topper? Put it inside something else (duvet cover?). Or send it for dry cleaning? Mine washed ok.

Derailing but does that simple solution work for cats too?

OP already said he hadn't been drinking.

Your poor DH! I had a terrible kidney infection and wet myself a couple of times. It will happen to us all at some time during our lives, I'm sure.

Mine went on the bedroom carpet and smelled terribly but I eradicated the smell completely by repeated scrubbings with biological washing powder mixed with a little water, and a Neutradol powder product. The biological powder kills the smell enzymes or summat.

yellowdinosauragain Funnily enough, I have an answer that might help you! We have a rescue cat, and Cats Protection suggested biological washing powder in a solution of warm water 1:1 for cat wee, followed by surgical spirit/vodka. It seems to work very well for carpets!

Very unlikely to be epilepsy or a neurological disorder, given that he gets out of bed before passing urine, so please don't be alarmed by some of the posts above. When we sleep, our brains switch off a lot of our motor functions but, in some people, the brain is less effective at doing so. Given your husband's history of sleep disorders, it sounds as if he is probably one of these people. But a GP check up is a good idea, to rule out medical problems.

Sorry, missed that.

VERY, VERY, VERY tired?
Smoking weed? (I know you mentioned no prescription medication)

I've a friend who has suffered similar (though not exactly this) and they are both triggers. Along with alcohol. Sometimes the previous evening.