This is going to be an essay, so apologies in advance.
I'm at total breaking point right now; I can't cope with being a mum, I can't cope with my dogs, I hate both my jobs and I'm sick to bloody death of being skint all the time.
Ds is 8 and is currently undergoing the extremely long process of being assessed for ADHD/ASD. His behaviour has gone from bad to worse; he speaks to me like shit all the time, would argue with himself in an empty room, and is on his last warning for hitting at school. This week alone, he has injured 3 of his classmates and if it happens again, he will have to be excluded. His school are being very supportive, but his head teacher has said she needs to be seen to be doing something, as the parents of the children he's hurt want action to be taken, and I totally understand that, but I have no idea what to do as everything I say to him at the minute results in eye rolling, stomping and door slamming. His xbox is banned, he's spending a lot of time in his room, he's been made to write letter of apology to everyone he has hurt. He understands he shouldn't be doing it, but doesn't seem to be able to control his temper, and seems to be in a constant bad mood. His dad thinks there's nothing "wrong" with him, and is of the mind that he just needs more discipline. Great, but he only sees him for a few hours a week; the rest of the time it's down to me, and I'm simply not coping :(
I have two dogs; a 6yo who has always been a bit of a sod, but nothing major, and a 5 month old pup who I really regret getting now, in hindsight. He's a great little chap, and housetraining is about cracked, but he's scared of his own shadow, and growls/barks at everyone and everything. Since getting him, big dogs behaviour has gone from bad to worse. She's constantly peeing in the house, which she's never, ever done before, every time pup growls at a dog in the street, she's taken to lunging and snarling at it, she's ignoring everything I say, and is generally harder work than the pup.
I'm working two part time, minimum wage jobs, largely because they fit in around school/childcare, and I can take ds with me in the holidays and leave at short notice on the many occasions that school ring me to come in because he's hit/bitten/strangled another pupil. However, I hate them both. I don't earn enough to make ends meet, yet I can't see a way out, as ds has disgraced himself at pretty much every local childcare provider (live in a small village so not much available in the first place) and I can't see how I can work different hours or in a less flexible job whilst he's how he is. I'm managing to pay the bills etc, but there's nothing left at the end, and it's getting me down.
The money situation will improve soon, as my dad is buying me a house so won't have rent to pay, and I'm eternally grateful for that, but I just feel so unfulfilled in my current roles and can't see a way out.
I had a serious head injury at the beginning of the year, and have had problems following on from that, including social anxiety, which I've never suffered from before, and a huge fear of the dark, plus insomnia, tiredness and headaches, which I've been assured will get better eventually, but I just feel like I'm overtired, stressed and don't want to live like this anymore.
I have this fantasy of dropping ds at his dad's, taking the dogs to kennels and driving off somewhere, never to return. I feel as though I have this enormous pressure building in my head, and it's only a matter of time before I explode. I really don't like my life very much, I'm a shit mum and I'm just not coping :(
Well done if you've got this far. I guess I just need to vent somewhere anonymous!