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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sorry for this woman?

297 replies

Mammanat222 · 05/10/2014 20:01

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2781377/BREAKING-NEWS-Internet-troll-targeted-McCanns-dead-hotel-room-days-fleeing-home.html

OK so her hobby of internet trolling (and her subjects!!) was a bit dodgy BUT I cannot help to feel quite sorry for how she was treated??

AIBU

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 08/10/2014 00:53

People post things online that they would never in a million years say in real life, or think in real life but never actually say out loud. Social media allows us to say what is on our mind in the heat of the moment. All with mostly complete anonymity.

Yeah, it's a phenomenon noted a decade ago as the Internet Fuckwad Theory. Or the Online Disinhibition Effect. Not attractive, but it's evident wherever people congregate online.

I disagree with those arguing that her decision to send those messages is equivalent to the McCanns' to leave their kids unattended. She chose to do something inherently vile and nasty, believing nobody would ever know, and then couldn't face the humiliation of public exposure. I don't lack sympathy for the pain she must have been in to take her own life, but what she did was morally reprehensible. The McCanns did something stupid, not inherently vicious or nasty, and the price they paid was horrific. I can't believe people are comparing a stupid mistake with intentional viciousness on that scale, and nor can I believe they are comparing public humiliation with having your child taken and God only knows what happening to them. In case it escaped anyone's attention, the McCanns have been accused of far worse than this woman ever was, and far more publicly, and it seems certain the accusation was unjustified, and that was on top of the loss of their daughter. She then chose to pile more on their shoulders. There is a basic lack of logic in comparing her action and the consequences with what the McCanns did and what then happened to them. One act is stupid but not malicious, so morally neutral, and the outcome horrific beyond imagination. The second was malicious to the ultimate degree, so morally wrong, and the consequences only the more minor of what happened to the McCanns. How are they comparable?

Having said all that, it's still sad someone has taken their own life. She's not a serial killer. And her kids must be going through hell.

var123 · 08/10/2014 06:44

Well said, Perfectstorm! That's exactly how it is.

Nanny0gg · 08/10/2014 08:39

perfectstorm

I completely agree. Well said.

KneeQuestion · 08/10/2014 09:25

her decision to send those messages

You know she never made contact with the McCanns don't you?

She 'tweeted' and posted in forums her opinions on the case.

She did not send direct messages like text/emails or things like that, I know that due to the way Sky reported, some people are under the impression that she was directly contacting/harrassing the McCanns.

I think that she, like the many thousands of other 'armchair detectives' was obsessive about it, but what she actually did has been grossly misrepresented by Skynews et al.

and then couldn't face the humiliation of public exposure

I think her getting death threats after the skynews reporting may have had a bearing on her state of mind too. Sky and the daily mail exposed her face, home and name, so I can see why death threats coupled with that info in the public domain would scare her.

var123 · 08/10/2014 09:39

I was aware that she had not directly contacted the McCanns. The McCanns try to avoid having an online prescence precisely to avoid giving those sort of people an opportunity to harass them, so Mrs Leyland would have found it difficult to contact them direct even if she had tried.

However, they must surely be aware of the large number of nutters who are online spouting their vile opinions about them. And they must get the gist of what is being said, which is extremely hurtful.

Didnt Mrs Leyland end all her posts with their names?

If she is a normal person who deserves some privacy and didnt seek the spotlight, then what were the McCanns every day that Mrs Leyland posted another vile comment about them?

BustiKate · 08/10/2014 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KneeQuestion · 08/10/2014 09:50

I am not saying I agree with her opinions, or her methods.

Just that what she did has been misrepresented and as such, the reaction to the sky reporting has been disproportionate.

var123 · 08/10/2014 09:51

What would be a better collective term? Obsessives?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/10/2014 09:52

Well said, Perfect Storm

BustiKate · 08/10/2014 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 08/10/2014 10:23

Well said from me as well Perfectstorm

Out of interest what's wrong with 'nutter', Busti?

KneeQuestion · 08/10/2014 10:43

'Nutter' = perjorative for someone who has mental health illness.

Often used to describe someone displaying various negative behaviors.

Insulting in other words.

ChippingInLatteLover · 08/10/2014 10:54

Well said perfectstorm

MiddletonPink · 08/10/2014 11:13

" nutter = perjorative for someone who has mental health illness "

Where I think calling someone a nutter isn't kind I have to wonder the state of Mrs Leyland's MH in all of this.

BustiKate · 08/10/2014 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambambini · 08/10/2014 14:26

"Just that what she did has been misrepresented and as such, the reaction to the sky reporting has been disproportionate."

Maybe this is what I feel. I think if people are going post anonymously in the way she did and in a way that goes towards possible distressing or harming others who are vulnerable then I think they should be expected to be called on it and to explain themselves. If they have the courage of their convictions and think they are right then they can just use it as a platform and hold their head up.

But, maybe the reporting was somewhat misleading (I thought she had been almost stalking, sending abusive messages etc) and definitely disproportionate in how it was reported again and again and the attention it got. Problem is it will then bring out folk just like her and she will be focussed on and attacked in the way she was quite happy to encourage others to do towards the McCanns.

windchime · 08/10/2014 14:36

I still don't understand why the media love the McCanns quite so much Confused

Nancy66 · 08/10/2014 14:41

White, photogenic, well-spoken pair of doctors with particularly cute child.

that's why. They sell.

ArsenicFaceCream · 08/10/2014 14:42

Because more complex positions became legally risky windchime

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/10/2014 14:43

The tabloids and Sky especially reflect back what their viewers and readers are interested in.

Bambambini · 08/10/2014 14:44

They don't care about the McCanns - it just gives them something to write about and fill the pages - and they don't always do it in a positive angle.

KneeQuestion · 08/10/2014 16:10

Windchime

Missing white woman syndrome

That explains a lot.

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