Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think H should pay half for the babysitter

48 replies

Birra · 05/10/2014 01:52

We're separated, but still living in the same house
He has some friends in town so his night out was in the diary first.
Then I got an invite- I hardly ever go out, he's out 3-4 nights a week.
Should I ask him for half the £55 I just had to fork out?

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 05/10/2014 01:54

would you pay if it was the other way?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/10/2014 01:56

No.

In our house if one person has plans, and then the other subsequently makes plans, its the second person who has to arrange childcare. In our case, we are together and have a joint account so, of course, babysitting money would be paid out of that, but I do think it still stands here.

Plus, it would set a precident. He may, if he is so inclined, book an expensive babysitter every single time you have a night planned first, and demand half.

How is the general arrangement working? Arw either of you looking to move out? How do your childs expences get split?

Original poster
Birra · 05/10/2014 01:56

But I'm always here.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/10/2014 01:58

Well, get that changed.

Sit him down tomorrow and discuss it. Maybe arrange that you get every tuesday and thursday evening to yourself and he picks two nights, then you get all day sunday to yourself and he gets all day saturday to himself.

Original poster
Birra · 05/10/2014 02:00

He earns the money
I'm sahm
He probably spent £500 in the last 2 nights
I walked 2 miles there and back- to avoid cab/bus fares to friends house for dinner and chat

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 05/10/2014 02:31

£55 quid for a babysitter? Shock

If he was a lovely dp, wouldn't you still be together?... I wouldn't expect anything from him, then you can't be left dissappointed.

Original poster
Birra · 05/10/2014 07:50

I'm not going to ask. But it doesn't seem fair somehow

OP posts:
TrendStopper · 05/10/2014 08:14

If I had plans first I wouldn't expect to pay for a babysitter.

I think though that you might need to start thinking about one of you moving out and you getting your own money.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 05/10/2014 08:28

It sounds from your post like you are still living together, is that right? If so, then don't be a martyr, get some things in the diary ASAP. Even if all you are going is going to Costa for a coffee and to read the paper, just do it. He will then have to either be there for the kids or sort out childcare.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 05/10/2014 08:30

Sorry, just put my glasses on and realised that you are living in the same house Grin

Iggly · 05/10/2014 08:30

You're separated. I would suggest you adjust your living situation to suit because boundaries are being blurred here.

Only1scoop · 05/10/2014 08:30

Sort out home situation and then it won't occur again.

sashh · 05/10/2014 10:27

he's out 3-4 nights a week. Should I ask him for half the £55 I just had to fork out?

No

But you should charge him for babysitting when he goes out if he is out all the time.

As someone else said have set nights that you and your ex look after your children, if he wants to go out on 'your' night he pays a babysitter or he pays you the same.

CatsCantTwerk · 05/10/2014 10:28

£55 for a Babysitter? Confused

anyoldname76 · 05/10/2014 10:38

You need a Rota, is he paying maintenance or bills?

Original poster
Birra · 05/10/2014 10:42

£10 an hour for babysitter

I shouldn't have gone out

OP posts:
fairylightsintheloft · 05/10/2014 10:45

absolutely you should have gone out, but I agree you need to set up some kind of agreement about how this is going to work in future. If you were living separately, he'd have to pay a babysitter to go out.

RandomMess · 05/10/2014 10:46

Start booking yourself on the calendar for nights out well in advance and make plans!

Even if it's just to pop around to friends for adult only convo.

fairylightsintheloft · 05/10/2014 10:46

although, actually of course if you were separate and presumably sharing contact, you could each go out on the nights the other had the kids.

starlight1234 · 05/10/2014 10:52

It sounds like this arrangement is not working for you. He is like one of the husbands that the message is kick him to the curb.

If you are a SAHM I assume he is giving you very little money? You need to either find your own money and go out to work. which you both should then pay for childcare of separate completely. If he is sending £500 on 2 nights out I assume he earns a reasonable amount and therefore so should maintenance

Vitalstatistix · 05/10/2014 10:57

I agree with random, if it comes down to what's in the diary then get it in the diary.

Split the week.

NotYouNaanBread · 05/10/2014 17:01

No.

But YABU to pay £55 for a babysitter. That's utterly ridiculous - are you out all night?

Original poster
Birra · 05/10/2014 17:49

I was out from 6.45 -12.15

OP posts:
HolyQuadrityDrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/10/2014 17:57

Around here it's £10 per hour too, if a a pee-school teacher from the nursery, then £12. Why people are jumping on the OP because of that?

RandomMess · 05/10/2014 18:03

Whilst you are still with H join a baby sittting circle, go out sitting lots of nights to stack up your points and then redeem them as and when.

Swipe left for the next trending thread