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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a single room?

35 replies

CaisterSoulGirl · 04/10/2014 19:06

The Caister Soul Weekender is a music event in Great Yarmouth that runs over a weekend twice a year. You can either stay onsite in groups in one of the caravans or go offsite.

Once again I have just experienced onsite in a couple of vans with a group of friends, and can't stand the constant noise, lack of space and privacy and the uncomfortable beds.

I have told my friends I will be staying offsite next time, which they were very pissed about because you need a certain number to stay in a caravan. If they can't find another person to replace me some others in the group are reluctantly having to stay offsite as well.

I've already booked a single room and have now told I am being selfish because I won't share a room. They are saying this makes it more expensive for everyone else because it means someone else has to have a single room as well. It's a numbers thing.

Guesthouses aren't that expensive so we are not talking about a lot of money. Surely I'm not being unreasonable to want some sleep and privacy?

OP posts:
FruVikingessOla · 04/10/2014 19:13

YANBU. We all get to the age when we like privacy and quiet.

What the rest of them do is up to them. Don't let them make you feel guilty.

Sirzy · 04/10/2014 19:14

Tough one. Your not being unreasonable to want a single room but if your decision is going to make things more expensive and completly change the experience for others then I can also understand why they aren't best impressed.

Could you not have picked carefully who you shared with?

Andrewofgg · 04/10/2014 19:14

YANBU. Sod 'em.

OraProNobis · 04/10/2014 19:15

YANBU but it's my honest belief that when you start wanting comfort and privacy it's God's way of telling you that you've become too old for festivals!

Original poster
CaisterSoulGirl · 04/10/2014 19:30

I am not making it more expensive for others in that I am expecting the price of my room to be in the kitty - of course I am paying for it myself.

People get very tired and bad tempered through lack of sleep and there dramas on the van this year - not of my making I hasten to add. The people involved have apologised and made up.

No never too old for Caister - I am in my 50s and regularly meet people in their 60s and a few even older!

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/10/2014 19:34

Ugh YANBU. At all. At my age there are very few people I would share with. DH, DDs and my mum. Possibly MIL in a pinch. One particular very very good friend. Otherwise GIVE ME MY SPACE DAMMIT!

Original poster
CaisterSoulGirl · 05/10/2014 22:26

Glad that you all agree with me but it looks like I have lost my friends over my decision. I'm told unless they can get someone else to fill my place on the van they will have to switch to staying offsite which will cost them around £60 more each.
This means one person will be unable to go as she can't manage the extra cost.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaisterSoulGirl · 05/10/2014 22:29

Still don't see why the fuck it's my fault so that's the end of some 20 year old friendships. Good job I know lots of other people who go, many of whom stay offsite.

OP posts:
Amy106 · 05/10/2014 22:30

YANBU to want peace and quiet in order to sleep.

AlpacaYourThings · 05/10/2014 22:33

Can they not invite another friend who would be happy to stay in the caravan?

skylark2 · 05/10/2014 22:34

Would it be cheaper for them to say you are staying in the caravan, and then for you just not to sleep there? (With them splitting the cost of "your" bed, not you paying for it.)

I think your friends are being pretty U about it. Would they rather you were stressed and miserable because you can't sleep in a communal setting any more? Especially if it's at least partly physical due to poor beds?

Littledidsheknow · 05/10/2014 22:37

I would have zero enjoyment of any event without a modicum of sleep/ comfort/ privacy throughout (i.e. sharing with anyone other that husband or children), and I realised in my late 30's that my days of sleeping in a tent or caravan were over.
You are paying for the room you want; you're not obliged to rough it to sub others who cant.
YANBU, but I'm sorry to hear that you think you may have lost friends because of it.

GermanHouseCat · 05/10/2014 23:18

My Mum goes to Caister! She is in her late 50s.

She used to go every time but goes less and less now, mainly due to the absolute nightmare that is staying onsite. Luckily her Caister companion is happy to stay in a quiet hotel offsite. YANBU at all! Sod em.

GermanHouseCat · 05/10/2014 23:19

Oh, and I am not even close to being in my 50s (obviously), but the thought of staying in conditions like that would bring me out in hives. I would be firmly in a comfy quiet bed somewhere away from it all.

HootOnTheBeach · 05/10/2014 23:45

NU at all! The actually sound quite selfish, making you feel bad for the sake of a few quid. And if they care so much about staying in the bloody caravan why don't they just lie about having an extra person and split the 'extra' cost between themselves?

whois · 06/10/2014 08:38

Not U at all. They could find someone else to go to make up numbers in the caravan, or split the extra cost between them. They have a year to sort this out?

DrSethHazlittMD · 06/10/2014 09:00

Your friends are selfish idiots. YANBU

Bouttimeforwine · 06/10/2014 09:27

Surely it is cheaper to book the van anyway and split the cost between them. It wouldn't be £60 extra each for one person less. Surely. How many are they? It's got to be more expensive for you all to be off site.

I can understand them being a bit disgruntled about having to cough up more, but enough to end a friendship over? They're not very good friends if they are willing to do that.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 06/10/2014 09:42

If staying in a caravan is so bloody marvellous that you are being unreasonable not to want to do it any more then they'll have no trouble filling your spot, will they?

And if they do manage to fill your old spot in the caravan then none of them will have to stay offsite. So it'd have been foolish for you to book a twin/double room when no one was going to end up using the other half of it.

In fact, the only way they can possibly argue that you're being unreasonable is if staying in the caravans is so miserable that no one in his/her right mind would put up with it. And in that case you're STILL not BU because that was your starting position.

SaucyJack · 06/10/2014 09:48

YANBU. Your money, your holiday, your choice.

blanklook · 06/10/2014 09:52

"Would it be cheaper for them to say you are staying in the caravan, and then for you just not to sleep there? (With them splitting the cost of "your" bed, not you paying for it.)"

Seconded!

TheStarsLookDown · 06/10/2014 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CaisterSoulGirl · 06/10/2014 11:28

I have been going to Casiter for years with this group and still love it. I am just finding that staying onsite is getting on my nerves now. Although there is a mix of ages the vast majority of people are in their 40's to 60s. A lot of the younger people stay onsite and I wouldn't have wanted to complain about the noise from the van of 20 somethings next door and take away their fun - it's what we used to do.

I'm simply saying I'd like to stay offsite and experience the thing on my terms. It may still be a bit noisy because many of the local guesthouses hold their rooms for Caister people, but at least I'll have some privacy to go to sleep undisturbed when I come back at 3 or 4am. Earplugs are everything.

It is £150 each to stay onsite which means the other three people will have to pay £50 more each or find another person. The deposit has already been paid but the organisers will let people move offsite with no penalty if someone drops out so no one will be losing any deposit money. It's £80 for the ticket if you find your own accommodation and I have found a private room for £105 for the May one - it's on twice a year. So if they do the same thing they will pay a little more.

Many people advertise on the FB group for someone to fill in if someone in their groups drops out, and the organisers will change names on bookings for free up to about two weeks before the event. They are saying they don't want a stranger on the van.

I do have a good job and earn more than the others. One is on benefits and I do understand a few quid is a lot to her, but as I have just told her on the phone I am not going to have my enjoyment of the May one spoiled just because of her financial constraints.

I think they will be back because I always drive up and some of the group carshare with me. Which is another thing - driving tired is lethal and I don't want to risk it anymore.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 06/10/2014 11:32

YANBU - you get to a point in life where the 'fun' of all mucking in together in a cramped space is massively outweighed by the misery.

Could the three of them share a triple room somewhere in the neighbourhood? I know that's harder to find than a single or twin, but they do exist.

FourWallsClosing · 06/10/2014 11:34

Does the £150 to stay onsite not include your ticket? So they could say you were the 4th person (but you actually stay offsite), then you keep the entry for the 4th caravan person (who then has no ticket but doesn't exist so doesn't matter) and contribute the £80 your 'offsite' ticket would have cost, meaning they only make up the £70, and £23ish each doesn't sound too bad for extra space in the caravan.