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Original poster

Stop me from throttling DP

54 replies

Booboostoo · 04/10/2014 08:43

I've had a really bad night with one month old DS. We slept from 10.30pm to 1am and then have been awake since (reflux- I have a doctor's appointment for him on Wednesday). DP opened my bedroom door at 9am asked if I was awake, let 3yo DD in and pronounced he was off for a shower...he's been locked in the bathroom since and I've only just heard the shower start. He didn't even bother getting DD any breakfast, not to mention asking if I needed anything (I am stuck breast feeding DS who spits up and screams every time I move him or try to put him down).

Say something to stop me from throttling DP because he is a dead man as soon as I can get my hands on him.

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 04/10/2014 08:48

I can help you dispose of the body if you like.

Have you tried a sling for baby? It leaves both hands free for the strangulation and you don't have to put baby down!

MyCrazyLife · 04/10/2014 08:49

He will have been shitting. You are tired so feel 100x worse about everything right now but he is being selfish. Hopefully he will talk to you... Then take the three year old out!

LokiBear · 04/10/2014 08:52

I've found with my own DH, the best thing to do in the first instance is to ignore the Dick head behaviour and give him a list of jobs. The first thing I would do in this case is say 'I've been awake since one so now you've had your shower can you take them for a bit so I can sleep? Thanks' hand over kids immediately. Stay in your room and let him deal with them for a hour or two.

Charitybelle · 04/10/2014 08:53

When he gets out of the shower just tell him to take the 3yo downstairs for breakfast, get him ready and take him out somewhere cos you and baby are going back to bed for the morning/day and you need some peace. Phrase it like a done deal, not a request, then go into appropriate room and shut door. Job done.
If you want brekkie just ask him to bring up some toast and tea whenever he's ready Smile

Wisheswerehorses · 04/10/2014 08:54

Does running the hot tap in the kitchen make your shower run cold?! Grin

formerbabe · 04/10/2014 08:58

Agree with lokibear....men can sometimes be crap about volunteering help or foreseeing what you need them to do. Give him specific requests...ie..I need you to make breakfast!

backbystealth · 04/10/2014 09:01

Selfish. Grrrr for you.

Original poster
Booboostoo · 04/10/2014 09:02

He's managed to get me breakfast but decided DD doesn't need to eat any as they will be going to the farmers' market and she can eat something there later. Funnily enough the three year old is not following this logic and is about to burst into tears over it all.

Showering DD is also out of the question as she doesn't need to shower every day...just the 6 days of the week I get her ready!

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 09:06
Angry

When you have calmed down - and admittedly this could take some time - I would explain to him just how fucking selfish unthinking his behaviour was this morning.

Not to mention the fact that NO, DD can't wait for her breakfast, she needs something at breakfast time!

Idiot.

I have a lovely big spade if you need some help.

Wisheswerehorses · 04/10/2014 09:06

Nobody is going to stop you throttling him,but someone might offer to do it for you as your hands are full...

Original poster
Booboostoo · 04/10/2014 09:30

He's off with DD having spent one hour in the bathroom getting ready! If only DS will calm down a bit now I might get some sleep. I thought DD was bad, walking me up every two hours until she was two years old, but DS is a whole new horror.

OP posts:
MairzyDoats · 04/10/2014 09:33

Tuck him into bed with you? He's only a month, he's probably just having a growth spurt. Second the idea of a snug wrap sling though, mine was a godsend.

MummytoMog · 04/10/2014 09:58

I will help, I'll kill yours if you kill mine. We should probably get this thread deleted before we do though. He sounds just like my husband. Fuckers.

jezzapaxmanslovechild · 04/10/2014 10:03

It sounds like you have a plan! Can I offer the pair of you the use of my patio? (goes out to move garden furniture)

Original poster
Booboostoo · 04/10/2014 10:39

Poor DS is still awake! We co-sleep anyway and he loves his sling but last night the only thing that worked was if he was lying on his front on me and I don't want and can't sleep like that, so I didn't get any sleep. DS seems to be going through the grunting baby phase but then wakes himself up by also spitting up and a fe vomits because of passing tha gas. He the breast feeds to sleep but when I put him down he starts again with the grunting. Last weekend was bad and this weekend seems even worse!

OP posts:
JerseySpud · 04/10/2014 10:52

When you have throttled yours come and throttle mine. Been up most of the night because DD2 has croup. DD1 is playing me up because attention is on DD2. And where is DH?

In bed asleep. Because he has man flu and hes 'ill'

Ive been on painkillers for a week and have 3 more waiting for a tooth to be extracted that had an abcess in and havent slept properly in that time but hes 'tired and ill so needs sleep'

MummytoMog · 04/10/2014 11:27

What I hate is that DH will always always sort himself out before doing anything for anyone else. So, I had a baby a week ago, she hasn't really slept much at night since then, and this morning DD1 and DS were up at 7.30. After him shouting at them (from bed) for half an hour, I got up and went downstairs with them. He comes down about ten minutes later, makes himself a cup of coffee, eats some cereal (leaving the fxukibg box out again) and then wafts off to have a shower. At no point does he think to make toast or drinks for the kids, even though I am stuck to the sofa BFing DD2. You know, so long as he is fed and watered it's all cool right?

ChippingInLatteLover · 04/10/2014 12:01

MummytoMog but how do you just 'allow' him to do that? I'd go ballistic!

MummytoMog · 04/10/2014 12:54

I know - I'm always cross afterwards, but I don't want to nag at the time (as he does pitch in sometimes) and then afterwards it seems petty to bring it up. Also, am slightly aware that I'm not at my most reasonable when sleep deprived. When I've mentioned it before, he points out that he does stuff around the house I don't do - but it's really stupid stuff, like getting half way through hoovering and then wandering off to do something else. It's like living with fucking Dory sometimes.

ithoughtofitfirst · 04/10/2014 13:03

"I never get to poo in peace -apart from when i'm in work" - the best thing dh has ever said to me. He locks himself in the bathroom for everything. He even takes the tablet in to have a poo the cheeky twat. Because he gets bored of all the privacy i guess? Last night i had a bath with 2.5yo throwing toys at me, making waves, poking my nipples, kicking me in the minge etc. He still annoys me a million times less than dh.

About to have a baby too OP... i'm scared now.

Levismum · 04/10/2014 13:19

Do you think these 'men' are deliberately useless or actually just piss taking gits?

I have my own shite 'd' p. Actually it's exactly this sort of behaviour that has destroyed our relationship!

Grrr. Makes my blood boil!

ithoughtofitfirst · 04/10/2014 13:48

Well... it does seem like just a man thing sometimes.

HOWEVER i have a female who openly admits to doing no housework, no finances, no childcare, no cooking. She gets dropped off at work. Works. Then gets picked up. Whenever she has the dc on her own she comes over mine. She's done the school run once in all the time i've known her.

Original poster
Booboostoo · 04/10/2014 16:59

He came back from the market with a concussion because he closed the boot of the car on his head! Shock

At which point I gave up and went and got myself two kittens (not as impulsive as it sounds, this had been set up a few weeks ago!). Now I feel much better and would recommend two kittens as the solution to all of life's problems.

OP posts:
Pooka · 04/10/2014 17:06

Come clean. It was you making the boot hit his head, wasn't it? With the power of your mind/voodoo doll.

All things are much improved by even a single kitten, let alone two.

Clutterbugsmum · 04/10/2014 17:22

He came back from the market with a concussion because he closed the boot of the car on his head! in other words HE needs time by himself as he has had DD for a couple of hours.

I hope he didn't drive him and your child home concussed.

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