Taking on a horse when you can't cope with the DC & pets you already have

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I know I am, obviously everyone gets to choose what they spend their time and money on but this particular person is really not coping with her existing work and parenting commitments. I know the professionals involved with the family want to give her a good shake about managing her priorities, the children are the subject of frequent CP meeting and now she's bought a pony... I'm sure (hope) the pony will be well care for but her children need her time.

You have obviously judged this situation already, OP, but there is not enough information for me to join in. My first reaction, to be honest, is that looking after and riding a pony is a wonderful pastime for the children and a good way for a family to spend time together.

I would be careful of acting as if people who have ss involvement are less then human/deserve to be judged/criticised/have their personal life all over mn.

Her life, her business. I presume the kids are at school sometimes so she has weekdays free?

I just feel picking on the vulnerable is somehow morally repugnant.

I'm honestly not judging and I wouldn't dream of having this conversation with anyone who knows her in RL, I just wonder why someone who by their own admission can't cope with everything they have on their plate already would take on such a big commitment.

But the OP knows the situation, she is not coping with what she already has, and SS are involved. I think the OP has far more insight into the situation than we have, and is obviously struggling with her feelings that this is potentially the straw that breaks the camel's back. I've owned horses most of my life, and they are a huge commitment. I can't think of many 'pets' that require more commitment than a horse/pony.

This is really none of your business.

Somebody has a horse at the yard I keep my horse. They visit it either on Saturday or Sunday, rarely more often than that.
It is a big commitment money wise, not time wise.
Maybe the pony is for the children?

A fucking horse though.

Well, actually it is really Left but I can't explain properly why without divulging too much.

I know the professionals involved with the family want to give her a good shake about managing her priorities

Ahh so these cp professionals have told you that confidential information about this woman, have they?

Your post comes across as bitchy and judgemental, not very cunningly disguised by a veneer of "concern".

Perhaps you could drip feed us some more juicy detals about exactly how awful this woman is, so we can get vicarious pleasure from her misery and bad circumstances?

I disagree with the 2 pps. I have a very close friend whom I love dearly who works full-time, has 2 dc under the age of 3, a horse, a pony and lots of other animals. Animals are time-consuming as are dc. Some people over-estimate what they can cope with. In my friends case the dc get dragged to the stables, along with the dogs ever evening after work when they are tired. By the time they get home they are worn out and very miserable which is making her experience of motherhood (and dare I say it their experience of being with their mother during the week at least) less than ideal. She hates looking after them because they are always naughty and screaming, I think they make her a bit depressed. She says she needs the horse to cope. Personally I think the horse just adds to the stress. Hopefully in a few years time it will be idyllic and a great hobby for her cd and bonding time for them all, now it's just stressful for them.
Personally all the extra work of a horse when she has all the stress of ss and children that might need more time than most IMO not a good idea. I say that not in an attempt to criticize someone under ss care but because I think taking on a horse (or any animal) when life is already tough isn't a good idea. In my friends case I think it was a matter of thinking, life isn't good right now I know what'll make me happy.

Of course the op has an opinion.

I'm not convinced all these women exist floating through life without judging anyone - ever. People have opinions, sometimes on things that aren't their business.

Op - if she is already stretched thin then taking on a pony is stupid

awaits flaming

I think its none of your business.

Yep, neglected children (and animals) are none of anyone's business.

When its the sharing of confidential info "cp professionals have told her they want to give this woman a good shake"

the promise of drip feeding more and more about her "she would ilke to divulge more but she really can't"

I don't believe either of those statements, if she is in contact with a cp professional who has given her confidential information about this woman then she could lose her job by splashing the details on mn.

If she really cares about this woman she would go round and help instead of enjoying a good old bitch about her on mn.

Somebody has a horse at the yard I keep my horse. They visit it either on Saturday or Sunday, rarely more often than that.

This. If she's renting a place for the horse to stay, it's not a big commitment at all. Unless she's strapped for cash, this is probably fine. My aunt had a horse she visited on weekends because she worked during the week, and this horse was her baby. It's not a time commitment, she could forget all about her horse and it would still be well taken care of.

I don't see the big deal in taking the kids to see their horse after school or on weekends and letting someone else do all the maintenance.

Op just says she knows the professionals want to give the friend a shake. For all we know the friend could have told her this.

I still think the op is entitled to an opinion and even a moan about it on mn.

Everyone judges - ops judging friend. You are judging op for not being a better friend. I'm judging you for not understanding people can have a moan occasionally. You are probably judging my responses.

YANBU a lot of people get overwhelmed by the excitement and cuteness of a pet without appreciating the practical demands and the result is a huge animal welfare crisis with rescues stuffed to the brim. Horses are time and money sinks and as well as the animal welfare concerns mishandled horses can quickly become dangerous to humans.

"I still think the op is entitled to an opinion and even a moan about it on mn."

So do I, but I'm not perfect like those who say that they are never, ever judgemental about anything.

My niece and my best friend both have horses. They are a massive commitment money and time wise. If the OP's friend is struggling I can totally understand why she is concerned.

I'm absolutely shocked that any CP professional would "want to give the family a good shake" let alone discuss a CP case with anyone else other than another professional involved! That is a breach of confidentiality and I'm disgusted that they are discussing issues relating to CP with you. If I found out any of my staff were discussing cases out with the workplace I'd have them disciplined and they'd be lucky to practice again!!

In relation to the pony, it could well be its in full livery or out at grass and being field checked every day.

Who the hell are you to judge what this woman's children need anyway?

I agree OP. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Am loving all the very judgmental comments about what a cow I am to be judging.

FWIW, it is absolutely my business because of some voluntary work I do. So yes, thanks inloom, I am trying to help but some people don't make it easy. In fact some people, who won't help themselves, make you wonder why you bother, but for some reason we keep trying. Occasionally things get a bit much and I find the need to vent.

No-one has betrayed any confidences, the mother told me and several others the whole story, loudly, in a public place, as if it was a big joke. "Everyone knows I can't cope already, SW told me I need a good shake and to get myself sorted or children might be removed and now I've bought a horse. What am I like? No idea how I'm going to feed horse or kids and who needs sleep?"

Ahh and there's the massive drip feed. If she said it so loudly and publicly why would it be such a big "I really can't tell" event, only for you to suddenly tell. Stinks of attention seeking imo.

On the other hand if she has said, done, and acts like that then the woman needs a slap. Or some good mental health help. Acting like having your children removes is just one big joke really is disgusting.

If you are having to be tactful and sensitive and non-judgemental all the time then it can be a huge relief to find an anonymous place where you can speak plainly and frankly, especially if you are feeling really concerned for the person in question and frustrated at the prospect of watching more avoidable suffering.

It can be really difficult where in rl you don't want to betray a confidence or speak about someone behind their back, but then you have the feeling of being an unwilling witness or possibly indirectly colluding with a situation that is about to spiral out of control. I don't blame op for wanting to find an anonymous place to talk it over.

Sorry, I didn't realise not explaining that the conversation was public would count as drip feeding, I had no idea how quickly posters would jump to the conclusion that professionals had been unprofessional.

I can't explain what my voluntary work is and why that makes this my business

It's not the fact that it was public that was the drip feed, it's the fact that you were saying you couldn't tell why you knew this and then suddenly you tell. If you'd just said "I can't explain the situation clearly because I work in a professional capacity and it would be a betrayal of confidence to quote what person x has said to me..."

But if you're working with this woman, whether in a voluntary capacity or not, you've still been extremely unprofessional by airing this on mn. This person isn't your friend I'm assuming, I've a fairly good idea about volunteers helping certain people (having had a volunteer befriender/support worker in the past myself), you've no right to have spoken about this woman on a public forum. I would suggest that you ask HQ to remove this post.

Yes it may be cathartic to vent but the fact still remains that you work with this woman and you shouldn't have posted this here.