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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking on a horse when you can't cope with the DC & pets you already have

37 replies

Explored · 03/10/2014 17:13

I know I am, obviously everyone gets to choose what they spend their time and money on but this particular person is really not coping with her existing work and parenting commitments. I know the professionals involved with the family want to give her a good shake about managing her priorities, the children are the subject of frequent CP meeting and now she's bought a pony... I'm sure (hope) the pony will be well care for but her children need her time.

OP posts:
Explored · 04/10/2014 10:42

I haven't posted anything at all relating to the volunteering I do, any information gained in that capacity, or anything that she hasn't chosen to make public.

I only said I can't and won't explain why my volunteer role means it is right that I am interested

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 04/10/2014 11:02

No, you've just posted about a woman who you work with in a volunteer role. It's a betrayal of trust and confidence and extremely wrong.

Explored · 04/10/2014 11:08

Ah well obviously only perfect saints should ever do any volunteering and I'd best stop as I don't meet the standard.

How can repeating something that is public knowledge be betraying trust?

OP posts:
PrettyPictures92 · 04/10/2014 11:15

Because it wasn't public knowledge, it may have been said in public but if it was said to you or in the group you volunteer at then it's still not right to be posting about it.

How would you feel if you said something to a volunteer that worked with you who then went and posted about your life all over the Internet? It's said in confidence, and I'm sure there will be part of your training that says you can't go about discussing this to the rest of the world.

I've never said that only perfect saints should be volunteers and nor did I say that you don't meet the standards. All I have said is that it is wrong for you to go posting about a woman you work with over the Internet when you're in a professional capacity with her. It doesn't matter if you're a volunteer or not, you're supposed to be there to help her, not bitch about her.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/10/2014 11:16

I don't really understand why you're getting a drubbing OP.

The situation sounds like cause for (further) concern to me too.

PrettyPictures92 · 04/10/2014 11:36

HeartsTrumpDiamonds, volunteer workers have the same rules as people like social workers do, they're not allowed to discuss the people they work with unless there's a valid concern, in which case they need to speak to the social etc. They're not allowed to do things like post it over the Internet. It's a serious breach of confidentiality and trust, regardless of if the person the OP is talking about it said it in a public place or not. That's the only reason I have a problem with this post.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 04/10/2014 13:53

Does this breach confidentiality though? There's nothing to identify op or the woman she is talking about.
Report it to mnhq if you seriously think it breaches confidentialty.

I think you should be able to vent on an anonimous forum if you want to.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 14:12

Legally she has not beached confidentiality at all. I used to work as a doctor and I was allowed to discuss cases as long as I did not give enough personal information that the people concerned could be identified. She has given no names, no children's ages. The only information is this lady is getting a horse which many people do.
I guess it depends on the reason she got the horse. Was it for one of her children who is keen on riding and animal care, or was it a selfish purchase for the mum? Also depends on can she afford it? If she is on benefits they are intended for basics such as food and clothing, not high ticket purchases.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 14:25

I do think you need to be careful though about generalising about parents who have SS involvement. I had involvement when my son was born as I have bipolar and they concluded that I parented to a high standard

coldwater1 · 04/10/2014 14:39

But its not your business to be splashing this womans life on mn. Just saying! If she wanted opinions from the world wide web i'm sure she'd come and ask for it.

specialsubject · 04/10/2014 14:57

unusual for mumsnet not to be up in arms about possible ill-treatment of an animal.

people can be stopped from keeping animals. A horse is a money-pit and needs lots of attention. The other pets are probably suffering too.

and yes, benefits are to feed and care for people, not animals.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 15:53

I do not blame you for getting frustrated. The woman is on a low income and so her children could potentially end up going without due to this purchase. The cost of the horse is only the beginning. I have owned horses in the past and you need to pay for rental of stables, rental of field, food and vets bills. It can end up costing a fortune. The other problem is the amount of care horses need. It means early starts feeding them and mucking out and then after work feeding and mucking out again. Plus they need exercise and when it is warm weather they need turning out in the field. It is one hell of a lot of work and nowadays I just go riding school if I want to do a hack. I am assuming this horse is for her and I agree taking on such a massive time and financial commitment when you are broke and subject to child protection is unwise.

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