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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have found this really offensive

33 replies

Ceasre · 03/10/2014 11:30

Just for the record I do not find offense in much, switch it off if you don't like it, if someone is racist/homophobic don't engage with them, if someone posts a Britain First picture on FB ignore them or unfriend them etc etc.

I like FB just to keep in contact with relatives and friends overseas and don't air any dirty washing on it, or leave cryptic comments. Just look at photos, happy birthdays etc.

However, my DP's niece (mid 40s) wrote a comment "I did not know Scott Mills was a batty". I was open mouthed when I read it and I did find it really offensive. Replace the word "batty" with Gay and I would not have batted an eyelid.

So as not to drip feed DP's family are not that close, but not estranged or anything, just different people with different lives, but on friendly terms when we meet at the odd family event. Have not seen her for a couple of years and my eldest DS is gay. He is very laid back, but even he said this word is "pretty bad"!

Is this casual homophobia?

OP posts:
KneeQuestion · 03/10/2014 11:33

Yes it is Homophobia.

'Batty' short for 'battyman'

Will you unfriend her or say anything?

NotYouNaanBread · 03/10/2014 11:34

Apart from the vapidity of a fb update like that, I had no idea that batty meant gay. I always thought it meant gently mad. So I wouldn't be openmouthed so much as bemused, but if your DS says the word is pretty bad, and he is best placed to judge, then yes, it is pretty grim of her, but more in the way of eye-rolling and unfollowing her updates than writing her a stern email, I think.

CaptainAnkles · 03/10/2014 11:36

As in 'batty boy', like Ali G or someone would say? Ugh. That is offensive and childish.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/10/2014 11:36

Not it does also mean a bit ditzy, as in 'I'm so batty I put DS shoes in the fridge and the milk in the hall cupboard'.

But a batty is short for battyman or battyboy which is an offensive, homophobic term.

momb · 03/10/2014 11:36

I've never heard that one before. Does it come from 'Bat for the other side' which was a euphemism for homosexuality used by my parents in the 1970s?
Ignore ramblings above; just urban dictionaried: yes, homophobia; not particularly casual. I'd call her on it.

NotYouNaanBread · 03/10/2014 11:37

New word for me - Mumsnet = v educational.

Batty

So yes, then. Very rude, and probably worth calling her out on. Is there an extra cringe factor of a white person using Jamaican slang, or is she Jamaican?

micah · 03/10/2014 11:39

I am maybe out of the loop but I didn't know batty was bad- like the pp I thought it meant a little mad.

Dh, who grew up surrounded by African and Caribbean cultures, knows it means homosexual but thought it was just a cultural saying.

I didn't know Scott Mills was gay either. good for him.

DownByTheRiverside · 03/10/2014 11:41

Not just rude, it appears in a number of rap songs as a homophobic insult, including one song a while back that went on about shooting battyboys in the head.
Is your niece Jamaican?

inloominotnorti · 03/10/2014 11:43

Is she Jamaican or into yoof culture?

Wishfulmakeupping · 03/10/2014 11:43

No that's offensive she sounds very immature using that word horrid

momb · 03/10/2014 11:43

Good for him? wtf! He hasn't won a prize: it's just who he is.

DownByTheRiverside · 03/10/2014 11:45

Oh, and in my family and culture, batty does mean a bit daft or ditzy.
But then I'm white British and not attempting to be cross-culturally cool or down wid de kidz.

CaptainAnkles · 03/10/2014 11:47

Batty as an adjective means a bit mad. Saying someone is 'A' batty is homophobic.

TeamScotland · 03/10/2014 11:49

That word is a new one on me too. Thanks for the thread, OP.

I've learned two new (to me) offensive words on MN this week.

MaidOfStars · 03/10/2014 11:51

Aside from the use of "batty", which is not nice, I simply don't understand why anyone would comment on someone else's sexuality.

"I didn't know Scott Mills is gay"

Well, why the fuck would you know?

LakeOfDreams · 03/10/2014 11:52

Your DP's neice has obviously only just started listening to Scott Mills if she's only just realised he's gay. I think he came out to the Sun in either 2000 or 2001, it suprises me she didnt know as I only ocassionally listen to radio one and always found him very open about his sexuality.
She obviously knows what the word means and personally I find it very offensive on the same level as calling some a f*g it's a strange word to be used these days as other posters have highlighted it is Jamaican in origin. I wonder if your DP's niece has used the word not really understanding how offensive people might find it.
Id post a comment saying "I think you mean gay as that word you used is offensive/has homophobic connotations...."

Purpleroxy · 03/10/2014 11:54

Why don't you follow your usual procedure of unfriending? She has offended you.

As far as homophobia goes, you can't tell from Facebook. She could be homophobic or she could be poor at choosing words or not know that particular word causes offence.

BackforGood · 03/10/2014 11:58

Well, I don't know who Scott Mills is, but, like most people on this thread, I've only ever hear the word 'batty' used as being 'a bit daft', so no, I'd have been confused / just ignored it, but certainly not been offended by it.

MokunMokun · 03/10/2014 12:00

Sorry, the "Good on him" comment just cracked me up. I assume she meant good on him for being out rather than good on him for being gay.

micah · 03/10/2014 12:01

momb- came across wrong :).. I didn't know he was gay, but should it really be any of my business anyway? It's not relevant when I listen to his show, is it? I meant good for him to mean his sexuality is his business, and is it really worth commenting on.

Maybe I should try more smiley usage to convey the correct tone- a little eye roll might have worked...

As to the o/p- I suppose batty is the jamaican way of saying arse-bandit, as batty means arse. Not nice.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 03/10/2014 12:04

For those unfamiliar with it, batty is slang for bum/buttocks etc, just to make it clearer why this is such an offensive term.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 03/10/2014 12:04

X posted with Micah who explained it better!

micah · 03/10/2014 12:05

To all those entertained/confused/offended by my comment- see above! The "good on him" was supposed to convey slight sarcasm that it should be any of anyones business in the first place. I can't quite understand why suddenly its a big topic after all these years.

Must remember to be more literal on forums*

DownByTheRiverside · 03/10/2014 12:10

I know about the jamaican origin of the insult because as a primary teacher it's sadly part of my job to recognise, understand and address homophobia when I encounter it.