Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell H that it's unacceptable to wake ds up at 5.30am

47 replies

Birra · 03/10/2014 09:27

H gets up really early, leaves house at 5.30
Recently he has taken to going in to see ds. He's 7.
I appreciate he wants to see him, but he's actually waking him. He wakes properly as soon as H gone, and he will not go back up sleep.
So aibu to ask him, to look, maybe quick peck, but don't cuddle him or talk to him.

There's more to this, but that's the basic question

OP posts:
cherrybombxo · 03/10/2014 09:34

Yes, your DH is being totally unreasonable. I get that he wants to see DS because he presumably is out of the house for a long time but it's selfish to actually wake him up.

whatever5 · 03/10/2014 09:37

Yes, your DH is being very selfish. I think he should leave your DS alone at that time in the morning. He needs to sleep. Does your DH see him in the evening?

UncleSue · 03/10/2014 09:38

YANBU. It's understandable he wants to see him but, 5.30 really?! A little bit selfish.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2014 09:40

I'd kill him...

And it also means your DS is getting insufficient sleep.

Having to see him, imo, is ridiculous unless that's the only time he sees him all week, which I highly doubt.

I bet he won't want to do it when DS is a stroppy teenager!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/10/2014 09:41

He's being very selfish. Aside from the fact it disturbs you, your DS also needs his sleep before school. If someone woke me at 5.30am I don't think I'd be able to get back to sleep either. What's the rest of the story?

shushpenfold · 03/10/2014 09:42

Stuff giving him a quick kiss, or looking or opening door at all..don't go in!!!!!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/10/2014 09:46

Why doesnt your DH leave a message for your DS so he has something nice from Dad to wake up too.

VenusRising · 03/10/2014 09:48

Don't go in.
He's damaging your DS health. Kids need sleep.
Does he want him to have MH problems associated with too little sleep.
Read this report for ammo

Put a big picture of your DS on his phone and let him smooch that.

Your DH is obviously missing your DS, and he needs to sort out his time with him that suits everybody not just him. Long hours and a long commute are a pita, but not worth damaging a child for. He's got to make changes in his work hours if he wants more contact, not interfere with his DS's sleep!!

whois · 03/10/2014 09:53

He's being a selfish fuckwit and that is entirely for his benefit not your sons!

Agree with the suggestion of leaving a nice note for DS every morning - maybe get a little white board?

Original poster
Birra · 03/10/2014 10:02

The back story is that he has only started doing this since I have wanted to separate.
He states one reason we can't separate is because he can't imagine not kissing ds goodnight.

He doesn't see him during the week, recently max 1 or 2 nights, for an hour.
But the hour is all he can handle really. He has no patience with him and they spend little quality time together.

Also, he used to wake me up at that time, he's very resentful about getting up and going to work, while I have it easy.

It's complicated
He is a very selfish man
Don't have to live together for much longer thankfully

OP posts:
whois · 03/10/2014 10:05

Oh no I think I remember your other posts - is this the man who had a million alarms going off for hours and is super noisy and basically a twat?

If so it he sooner you separate the better.

Offer him EOW for access - plenty of time for quality time then!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/10/2014 10:05

Oh then he is a cuntyfuck and doing it just to piss you off.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 03/10/2014 10:06

Hmm, given what you've said I wouldn't bother going down the route of "he's then awake and we all have to get up" since it sounds like your STBXH is doing it for that reason. It might be worth saying that you had been approached by a TA or a teacher saying that ds looks tired in school. That way it's not you with the problem (not that it is anyway) it's ds and his schooling.

Your STBXH is incredibly selfish and damaging his son.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/10/2014 10:07

He sounds like a nobhead. Lucky for you you don't have to put up with him much longer.

cherrybombxo · 03/10/2014 10:08

He states one reason we can't separate is because he can't imagine not kissing ds goodnight

Oh god, that's so cheesy. He's basically using this as emotional blackmail, he sounds like a selfish prick.

Only1scoop · 03/10/2014 10:10

Sounds like an idiot 'showman' doing it for effect.

Pathetic and he needs to stop it.

RandomMess · 03/10/2014 10:10

Hmmm or perhaps get up at that time so you and ds both go to bed super early - at least that way you don't have to spend time with him...

Original poster
Birra · 03/10/2014 10:12

He is a twat, but he doesn't have lots of alarms, that must be someone else!
I can't imagine he's doing it on purpose, it's more like he's convincing himself that he can't bear to be without him ( he's a bit dramatic) but tbh, he's done worse.
I don't know why I'm thing well of him

OP posts:
Jill2015 · 03/10/2014 10:13

YANBU.
Hope you are out of the situation very soon. Take care.

UsuallyLurking1 · 03/10/2014 10:16

Totally reasonable to say its unacceptable

My other half an I co-parent two under 3s so on different days of the week one of us leaves the house at 630-7. DP, consciously or otherwise was frequently waking them (trying to be helpful more than anything - change a nappy etc

Since DP has made a conscious effort to get downstairs as quickly as possible in the mornings it's made a huge difference both to our own sleep and this children's sleep

A year ago I was leaving the house at 6am and getting back at 730pm and missing them altogether in the week. If that's the case I've got a little sympathy, but if he's seeing them in the evenings no excuse

whatever5 · 03/10/2014 10:17

He is a bit thick if he has only started doing this since you said you wanted to separate as I'm sure that this makes you want to live apart even more!

Original poster
Birra · 03/10/2014 10:20

I'm struggling getting up at 5.30, I'm having trouble sleeping anyway, I'm worrying too much.
And it would be too much of a rush to get ds to bed earlier, he takes a while to go down.

Last night he came roaring in at 1.30am, pissed, abusing me.
Then I was awake, heart thumping, worrying, until at least 3.30, to be then woken up at 5.30.

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 03/10/2014 10:25

Birra, how soon can you and ds either find another place or get rid of him? He's deliberately messing with your sleep. If he comes home drunk and you feel threatened, you can call the police and have him removed.

FuckOffFerret · 03/10/2014 10:28

He's a twat. YANBU

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 03/10/2014 10:31

Can you split sooner? You and your DS will both be better off without him.