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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick poll - to want to give all ExDp's crap to charity?

26 replies

lordStrange · 02/10/2014 21:02

Really, genuine question. He left 6 months ago for OW. Now living with her in her house. He has left tons of books and CDs, literally whole floor to ceiling bookcases full of his things.

Now I want it all gone.

I made a start clearing out some stuff I'd shoved on top of the bookcase (no room on actual shelves) so made several bags - those Sainsbos elephant carry bag ones so big- of books etc . He won't take them. End of. But he insists I can't get rid of his things.

I admit I will feel shitty doing it. AIBU?

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 02/10/2014 21:04

ask him to get rid of them by x date and if he doesn't just get rid of the whole lot.

SuperWifeANDMum · 02/10/2014 21:05

Why not box them up and leave them outside your house, text him stating he has to collect his things within 48hours or they are being donated.

phantomnamechanger · 02/10/2014 21:05

do you know where he is and have your own transport? could you just dump it all on her doorstep?

lomega · 02/10/2014 21:06

Give him an ultimatum. He has a month to collect it or it's all going to charity on Ziffit

joanofarchitrave · 02/10/2014 21:06

Do you have any space at all where you can store it - attic, large cupboard, shed?

What is the future of the house - does he retain any financial interest in it?

Why won't he take it - is there no space in the place he is living at?

Could his parents store it?

There's no need to feel shittier than you have to - but no need to sit staring at the stuff either.

RandomMess · 02/10/2014 21:06

Erm how far away does he live?

I would just turn up and leave them on his doorstep so that there is no comeback on you as they are legally his.

CaptainAnkles · 02/10/2014 21:07

Tell him it's all in boxes and you will be leaving them on the pavement with a sign saying 'free to a good home' if he doesn't collect them.

Fullpleatherjacket · 02/10/2014 21:07

If you 'can't get rid of his things' start invoicing him storage fees.

That should concentrate his mind.

SquirrelWearingATrilby · 02/10/2014 21:07

He moved out, he can't dictate what you do in your house - unless it's in his name too? Is he on the deeds/tenancy agreement?

Think I would take advantage of 30 minutes legal advice from a solicitor.

Otherwise, write to him and give him a date (30 days, maybe) by which time he must collect or make other arrangements for his possessions.

At that stage you will dispose of them as you see fit. Send the letter Signed For.

londonrach · 02/10/2014 21:09

Give him a week. Notify him of this and then take to charity shop or at one of his friends house or his parents.

Original poster
lordStrange · 02/10/2014 21:14

I suppose I feel that 'notice' has been given tonight.

The house is tiny, so these bags are sat in a corner on the landing.

I hate living with so much of his clutter. Yes, his name's on the deeds.

I could put them in the loft, where another giant pile of his old crap currently sprawls.

OP posts:
londonrach · 02/10/2014 21:19

(Hug). Op you a brave strong woman who is putting this relationship behind you but clearing out his stuff. Give one week or as its the weekend till sunday night ( unless he on holiday). Stuff out monday to charity shop and you start week afresh...

Cabrinha · 02/10/2014 21:20

Honestly, hard though it is I would be checking the law first. They are not your things, and it is still his house too. I would ask a friend to help, then I'd spend a day boxing up anything to do with him and sticking it in loft or spare bedroom and slamming the door shut for now. Then getting straight on with sorting out the legal position with the house.

SquirrelWearingATrilby · 02/10/2014 21:24

Think you need legal advice - if his name is on the deeds he part owns the house and has the right to come and go as he pleases.

If you haven't already you need to formalise this as he's moved out (easy for me to say, but believe me, I've been there) so you both know where you stand. It seems that he thinks he can use your house as a storage depot.

Jokingly, he must be very scared of his new gf's reaction to his taste in music! Wink

Thinking of you xx

Original poster
lordStrange · 02/10/2014 21:25

thanks everybody, and thanks for the hug londonrach.

Cabrinha, your advice seems sound, I don't want to create a heavy difficult law-breaking situation here Grin.

More shit up the loft then.

Can I just state that I think he is really selfish bastard?

OP posts:
Original poster
lordStrange · 02/10/2014 21:28

Squirrel, I'm sure she fucking adores his taste in music, but would (rightly) baulk at the enormous quantity of it.

Oh, and he does indeed come and go as he pleases.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/10/2014 21:31

You can. Grin Don't blame you for wanting to bin the lot. But why not suggest he rents one of those storage facilities. And if not ask him when is he intending to move his stuff out.

RandomMess · 02/10/2014 21:33

Urgh how horrible for you. Time to lose your keys and need to get the locks changed?

MagicMojito · 02/10/2014 21:34

No other advice other than to echo what pp have said about getting legal advice.

Sounds awful for you though Sad Flowers

He sounds a shit and your well rid.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 02/10/2014 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lordStrange · 02/10/2014 21:41

Random he doesn't need keys, the kids just let him in when he's passing by.

I need to change the deeds on the house. I've put it off because I'm self-employed and skint Grin.

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 02/10/2014 22:51

Do you have kids together? If you are going to have to maintain some sort of contact with him for the sake of the children, I would try keep things civil and not risk antagonism over something like this. I'd keep at him at arranging a time to come and pick everything up rather than just chuck it all out. Although it is really annoying that he thus far hasn't done this.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/10/2014 23:03

Second the suggestion of hiring a storage unit. We did it when selling house to stash all DH's similar crap, you'd only need quite a small one. Although you might need to buy boxes if you haven't got any.

And you'd only need to pay the first month on it - you supply your own padlock, so send him the key and the paperwork. Sorted.

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 02/10/2014 23:11

I don't think it's quite as simple as "changing the deeds", sorry. You need to get legal advice - Shelter, or CAB, maybe, if you can't afford a solicitor - but if he owns part of your home you can't just "change the deeds". I'm assuming there's a mortgage company involved too?

18yearstooold · 02/10/2014 23:12

My ex had stuff in my house for nearly 4 years

It was a nightmare but according to legal advice I couldn't get rid of it -didn't mean I had to be particularly careful with it though!