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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stopping my sons father from seeing my son

70 replies

Sarahclark123 · 01/10/2014 23:21

I have stopped contact with my child's father as on Sunday he refused to give him back to me due to me asking for his partner to remove pictures on social networking sites due to peodofiles the police we're called and would do nothing to help me as he has fathers rights I got him back after me having to agree to him having him normally I'm to scared to let him go back as I don't think he'll give me him back am I being unreasonable? Any comments welcone

OP posts:

Spartak · 01/10/2014 23:57

What was in the photos that makes you feel sick? Was your son naked?

Nicknacky · 01/10/2014 23:57

So you had pics up but you don't like anyone else doing it?

And who has said you are the worst person? But your posts are quite hard to follow. Take a breath, calm down and type as if you are talking to someone who doesn't know the situation. Because we don't.

HoldenMcGroin · 01/10/2014 23:59

Well if you have already taken legal advice why are you asking us what to do?

I think you ought to get a court order in place to define contact times to put a stop to all the nonsense

XxMummysarahxx · 01/10/2014 23:59

There was some with no top on he wasn't completely naked I'm not the one making a big deal over it Iv not kicked up a fuss over it I only asked him once if he could ask her to take them down I've always been polite when I see her I've got no problem with her wat so ever he flipped out as soon as I asked him

Nicknacky · 02/10/2014 00:01

So what's the concern about paedophiles and police? I get you are annoyed but sometimes you have to pick your battles.

Block her or don't look at her facebook.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 00:02

Did he flip out because he knows it's a hoax email that has been doing the rounds for years, but you wouldn't listen to him?

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:03

It's just the thought of anybody looking at him in that way that's all I'm more angry at the fact he wouldn't give me him bk he knows I'm a good mum I don't no what he was thinking doing it

Spartak · 02/10/2014 00:03

Or if he assumed you were implying his friends were paedophiles then I can imagine might be a little annoyed.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/10/2014 00:04

But it sounds like you 'flipped out' right back at him for no credible reason.

You can't treat him in that way and expect to be able to pick him up on every little thing he says to you. That's not fair. You need to behave like a calm, reasonable person in order for any issues to be clearly understood and perceived by the courts.

From what you've said so far it seems very much a case of 'six of one half a dozen of another'. That won't get you very far.

Nicknacky · 02/10/2014 00:05

Why on earth would you think someone was looking at your son in that way? Has it really been worth the stress?

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:07

No no nothing like that I didn't imply anybody on her friends r peodofiles I was just saying her accounts we're open for anybody to look at her pictures and they was mostly of my son my ex hasn't got Facebook or Instagram

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 00:07

Do you feel the same when people look at your son in the street/supermarket?

Spartak · 02/10/2014 00:12

How do you manage at the swimming pool or the beach then? You sound a little bit paranoid.

RubbishTiming · 02/10/2014 00:12

Please can you listen to the posters here OP. You asked if you were being unreasonable, and going on what you have posted about the situation, most (all) people responding believe that you are.

You cannot use your son as a tool in a tit for tat argument with your ex. It is not fair and it certainly is not in your son's best interests. You cannot decide to cut contact with your son's father on a whim - it just doesn't work like that.

Think of all the errant fathers out there, and here is one dad who desperately wants to maintain a relationship with his child. Why on earth would you want to take that away from your little boy? Bloody saddens me it does.

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:13

I have never stopped him from seeing him before but he's scared me to the point I don't want to hand him over because I don't know when I'll see him again if he was reasonable about things I wouldn't stop him but he's not he's just got an anwser for everything and when he's wrong he won't admit he's wrong

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:15

This is the first time he's ever shown interest in keeping him if he had it his way he'd see him once a month I've asked for mediation sessions with me which he's turned down the first session I had with him he broke the agreement almost straight away he only had the solicitors agreement drawn up a couple of months ago and that was only because I went in at him to get it so he stuck to his times and days and again he's broke that

Spartak · 02/10/2014 00:17

It sounds like you both have an answer for everything!

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:18

I had an encounter at a swimming pool with a pervert who was later sentenced after 2 other young girls came out about him I don't think I'm being paranoid I've been a victim myself

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 00:21

OP why have you ignored the link to the hoax and any mention of the fact it is a hoax?

Spartak · 02/10/2014 00:23

Drip, drip, drip....

XxMummysarahxx · 02/10/2014 00:23

I didn't realise you could get hoax message off Facebook it wasn't an inbox it was an email

Bulbasaur · 02/10/2014 00:27

You cannot cut contact because of photos on facebook. A parent is allowed to put their child on facebook or any social networking sites, including blogs, instagram, or any public media. You will lose and get eaten alive in court for this.

He held your son for only an hour and a half. It's obnoxious, and he's probably deliberately getting under your skin, but it's not a crime.

Let your son go see him, or the courts will make you. If you already have a court ordered agreement you could be held in contempt of the law.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 00:28

It was a hoax email.

I'm starting to see how frustrating it must be to get through to you. What he did was wrong (not giving your/his son back) but honestly you both sound as bad as each other.

Take a step back. Think about all this paranoia and how all this drama might affect your son.

Because believe me, it will one day. Try to communicate your thoughts sensibly to your ex and think out your reasons for them.

That way, you all might stand a chance of avoiding years and years of disputes with your little boy caught up in the middle.

annielouisa · 02/10/2014 00:30

Do you think your own experience of abuse is making you overly scared. You have refused to acknowledge the Facebook email is actually an old hoax.

Try to keep calm when you speak to your ex and do not quote Facebook hoax emails at him. Is there a court agreed access that youbwould be breaching?

Bulbasaur · 02/10/2014 00:33

I don't think I'm being paranoid I've been a victim myself

Yes, victims tend to be more paranoid than people that haven't been victims. You're letting your past cloud your judgement.

Pedophiles have webcam channels they access to view children, not facebook pictures. Most child trafficking is done through the internet, and of those children that are victims are victims because their parents are selling them, not because a random pedo happened to see a picture online. Do some research on human trafficking and you'll see that FB photos are not how children get exploited.

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