To go against DP on a major financial purchase because I feel strongly about it?

[Seishan]

DP and I both have a car each. We both need them as we both work full time and I work shifts so having just one car is not an option.

Dp's car is 10 years old and still works fine.

Mine is getting on for 13 years old and is falling to bits. It fails every MOT costing around £400-£500 each time. Now the wheels keep catching on the breaks (3rd time it's suffered with this) meaning the engine is literally dragging the car along against its will. The heaters don't work properly so getting to work in winter will be fun at 6am. The brakes fail every MOT and often need work inbetween. It's rusting quickly. It's just knackered.

I think it's false economy keeping it. I want to buy a newer car for around £2.5k. I would buy it on my own credit card. It would be my responsibilty.

DP says no and that mine will last another year or so but then he says I can get one after the mortgage is sorted out so that's well over a year, that's almost two years.

I really do feel strongly that as an adult, who works full time and wants to make a £2.5k purchase using her own financial means - she should be able to.

I've made the calculations and know it will NOT put us under financial pressure to do this.

I'm also aware that as time ticks on my car is becomming more and more unstable, will cost us more and more and will be worth absolutely nothing if it continues much longer.

AIBU to tell DP I disagree with him. Am selling my banger and buying a £2.5k car with my own credit availability and will take 100% responsibilty of the repayments?

It's so frustrating being told by what is supposedly an equal partner that I'm "not allowed" to do something despite me thinking it makes perfect sense to do it!!

And yes, in case it wasn't already blisteringly obvious, I am also in the spreadsheet enthusiasts club.

Apparently I am married to the same man as both MsTerryPratchett and HicDraconis

Anyway...

You are an adult, and ought to be an equal partner in this relationship. If you disagree, you each have the opportunity to put across your points of view, in an attempt to convince each other you're right and theyre wrong.

If that doesn't work, and a compromise can't be reached, then you either behave like an independent person and continue with what you believe to be the best option, or you behave like a subordinate in the relationship and put aside your own choices in favour of his, for the sake of peace and quiet.

I don't judge when people do the second, it's often a matter of priorities.

But my recommendation would be the first. You're the one who'll be driving this death-trap through the winter.

I can't possibly say how reasonable you're being until we know whether "sort out the mortgage" means an application and how taking on debt at this point would affect that.

When we applied last year we were at the limit of affordability and having no other debt was very important.

Maybe a compromise would be to get a cheaper (safe) car to do you a couple of years until your other finances are sorted.

An MOT certificate means nothing other than that the car passed on the day. It sounds as though yours is unroadworthy because the brakes don't work properly and therefore you should not be driving it and it is illegal for you to do so. Your DP is an idiot. Get yourself a safe car.

Apparently, I'm the spreadsheet loving man several people on this thread are married to!

Not a boast but to give you a perspective on why I think you are NOT being unreasonable, DP pressured me to upgrade my car this year as he was concerned about my safety (it was well-maintained but had done high mileage). When I explained I couldn't afford it, he contributed almost 80 percent of the cost.

Tell him you're taking his car or buying a new one.

If you are not married, it's not even joint assets. It's your money to save or to spend.

OP. My car which is 10 years old but I put 100,000 miles on it mostly in my last job, started to sound odd and so I went out on Monday and put a deposit down on a second hand van. My partner, also of 10 years, drove me round to look at vans on Sunday but I did the test drive on Monday [all on my own]. If I couldn't afford it he would have said take it out of the joint account and cancelled the bloke coming to sort our windows out.

What I am saying is that you are an adult, earning your own wage, and you need a safe vehicle to get to and from work in. If you decide to buy a car [and get a new credit card with zero interest and pay it off before the end of the zero interest rate and that is the cheapest way of buying a car] then as long as you can afford it, then get it.

It's one thing having joint decision but when the decision is wrong, you need to make decisions on your own. Mortgage or no mortgage, it's not much use if you are dead from dodgy brakes. Unless that is his aim.