To go against DP on a major financial purchase because I feel strongly about it?

[Seishan]

DP and I both have a car each. We both need them as we both work full time and I work shifts so having just one car is not an option.

Dp's car is 10 years old and still works fine.

Mine is getting on for 13 years old and is falling to bits. It fails every MOT costing around £400-£500 each time. Now the wheels keep catching on the breaks (3rd time it's suffered with this) meaning the engine is literally dragging the car along against its will. The heaters don't work properly so getting to work in winter will be fun at 6am. The brakes fail every MOT and often need work inbetween. It's rusting quickly. It's just knackered.

I think it's false economy keeping it. I want to buy a newer car for around £2.5k. I would buy it on my own credit card. It would be my responsibilty.

DP says no and that mine will last another year or so but then he says I can get one after the mortgage is sorted out so that's well over a year, that's almost two years.

I really do feel strongly that as an adult, who works full time and wants to make a £2.5k purchase using her own financial means - she should be able to.

I've made the calculations and know it will NOT put us under financial pressure to do this.

I'm also aware that as time ticks on my car is becomming more and more unstable, will cost us more and more and will be worth absolutely nothing if it continues much longer.

AIBU to tell DP I disagree with him. Am selling my banger and buying a £2.5k car with my own credit availability and will take 100% responsibilty of the repayments?

It's so frustrating being told by what is supposedly an equal partner that I'm "not allowed" to do something despite me thinking it makes perfect sense to do it!!

I'd do it but don't run purchases past DH anyway unless he needs an input.

Your salary, your choice as to how you spend it. Same goes for him.

Never marry anyone who would buy a car on credit rather than money they actually have.

Well, you don't need his permission - and if he is behaving as though you do, then you have bigger problems than the choice of a car.

DP and I have a common pot, so we discuss all major purchases.

but OP: YANBU. car sounds like an accident waiting to happen. make him drive and see how long he likes it.

I wouldn't ask DH's permission if the car was that old but at the same time, I'm sure he wouldn't expect me to as it's not an extravagant purchase. I don't think that you need to worry about your car becoming worthless if you keep it any longer though as I doubt that it's worth anything now (apart from what you would get for scrapping it).

For your personal safety you need a new car, if he can't understand that, he is being uncaring as well as unreasonable!

I'm not sure it's asking permission. In our house (joint money) it would go like this...

Me: The car is shit and I don't feel safe.
DH: Argh money argh.
Me: How will we do this?
DH
DH: We will spread this thing over so long and buy using blah blah blah.
Me: So I'm good to go ahead?
DH: Yes. No one appreciates my work on budgets. I'm so sensible and awesome.
Me: You are fabulous DH, here's your medal

It's not a system I necessarily recommend

What's going on with the mortgage? How will you having a £2.5k loan scupper it?

MrsTP, are you married to my DH too? That's more or less exactly how it works in the Dragon household :)

Oddly, it works well for us Hic. I'm sure MrDraconis is very sensible and awesome too

It is reasonable to discuss major purchases if you pool your finances. But it is not reasonable for him to veto a necessary purchase when you are both earning and contributing to the household.

There is something seriously wrong with your car. Really seriously wrong. Brakes sticking mean that either you won't be able to stop, or it will seize up as you're driving.

I think he is being unreasonable if he is really saying 'no you're not allowed'. But on the other hand, if you have been planning for a mortgage together and you buying a car on credit card could jeopardise that, it does affect him not just you.

At first I thought the suggestions to swap cars were petty, but actually I think it's a good idea to suggest swapping for a month, and see how he feels after that. Surely if it really is obviously unsafe he will see you have to work out a way to buy a new car.

Mrs TP, you made me laugh.

That is exactly what happened in our house, but in reverse.

We then had a big argument about whether or not he was allowed to put in a souped up sound system, I relented, he put it in, never uses it and will continue not to hear the end of it for the entire life of our car (which is less than 4 years old, so he has a while to go yet!).

I'd love separate finances, (I would be all tidy and organised, he can cope with his own disorganisation) but every time I suggest it he goes wide eyed and panicky and begs until I relent.

One day though...

I think anyone buying a car on a credit card is bonkers however the bigger statement that I think is bonkers is spending 2.5 k on a car.

A perfectly safe family car can be purchased at less than half of that. Full service history 1 lady owner cars often go for around £800 on autotrader.

Why not get a smaller upgrade now and save before updating again. Sometimes buying someone else's relatively new lemon is more costly than an older stalwart previously looked after and well maintained.

Good luck, don't fall out with your loved ones over possessions if you want to be the reasonable one :)

Doing anything like this unilaterally in a marriage is not good - doesn't matter if it's the man who inflicts it upon the woman or vice versa, or even what it's about. Consensus and, where that's not possible, compromise. Explicitly going against wishes will just make things worse.

Consensus clearly isn't happening. Compromise would be that he uses your car, you buy a cheaper car, you meet in the middle of now and 2 years...whatever else you can think of that isn't going whole hog into putting 2.5k on a credit card (which, incidentally, is madness imho, especially for a car, but that's neither here nor there).

Incidentally, I think that turning this into a "I'm a grown woman, I can make my own decisions regarding my own money" is a red herring. It doesn't sound like your DH is spending you stopping your money as you see fit, per se. It sounds like he's stopping you from making a decision that is going to cost the household dearly (according to him). This is more that you want to do A, he wants to do B, you really don't want to do B and you have the means to do A without him, and are now turning this into him not letting you do just that. It sounds like quite teenage behaviour. Sorry.

P.S. you could try a different garage next time an MOT is due.

I would wonder why he's happy for you to drive a car that sounds dangerous.

From todays Martin Lewis email.....credit cards can be cheaper than loans.

"Cheapest way to buy a car - often it's a credit card. Surprisingly, done right, credit card borrowing, esp for sub-£5,000, is the cheapest route. So if you need a loan to fund a car purchase (I'm assuming it's used/nearly new as MoneySavers don't buy new due to depreciation) and have budgeted and know you can afford the repayments, here are the cheapest routes:

The MBNA* credit card (eligibility calc) lets newbies pay cash into their bank account for 32mths interest free, if you pay a 4% fee. Therefore you can use it as a super cheap loan for a car. Just ensure you repay before the 0% ends or it's 22.9% rep APR. Full help in Money Transfers.

If you need a loan, check peer-to-peer lenders Zopa and Ratesetter, which give bespoke rates and allow early repayments. Otherwise, for £5,000 - £15,000 Sainsbury's is cheapest, at 5.3% rep APR up to £7,500 and 4% rep APR for higher. Full info and best buys in Cheap Personal Loans, plus see Loan APR Examples."

I should add that when my last car was MOT'd I was told that the bottom was falling out and I was lucky it had lasted so long, they asked where it had been MOT'd before as there is no way it had got that bad in a year

Anyway, went home, told H what was wrong and what it would cost to fix and his first words were "We need to get a new one, there is no way I want you and the kids in that". I would be very pissed of at him if he was ok for me to drive something so unsafe.

I agree that the best way would be to suggest swapping cars because you are not driving it anymore. Oh and add up the cost of the repairs so far and predicted in the next 2 years and compare that to what a new-to-you car would cost. Probably the repairs are more than the £2.5k!

I am in a similar position - have a 15 year old car and feel guilty spending on a new one BUT it is falling to bits, costs a fortune to put through an MOT and even the mechanic at the garage has told me it's a false economy to keep fixing it (and they don't sell cars so he's not trying to get one over on me - in fact he would make less money without me and my banger!). Also I take the kids everywhere and worry about breaking down with them with me. I would ask your DP to swap cars for a bit or just make a decision to buy a car on your card. Maybe compromise and buy a cheaper car if necessary, but make sure it is reliable, you need to feel safe on the roads. Barclaycard do a 0% transfer deal for 34 months, so you could get a Barclaycard, buy your car then transfer the debt. It's a 2.99% transfer fee but better than ongoing interest on a typical APR. Good luck whatever you decide to do. If your car breaks down and you end up unable to get to work or having to hire a car to get there that's also a false economy, and you are paying more in repairs than the car is worth.

Just a thought but is he funny about spending big amounts of money in general?

I know someone just like this, she cant bring herself to spend say £2k on a 2 week holiday for the family, but will spend £3k over a year on mini breaks etc. She would be like your DP, she would rather spend £4k on repairs over say 3 years than £2,5 on a new car because she gets serious wobbles when handing over that amount of money. Its ok to do the repairs though because they are much smaller amounts that are spread out.

It took some serious work from her DH to persuade her to buy their house, she would rather rent than spend less per month on a mortgage, because she was signing up for a £100k mortgage and it felt too much to take on.

He now has to break everything down (as in the holiday example) to prove that she isnt actually saving money by not spending large amounts, but costing them more. Its a control/security thing. She feels safer knowing that she has savings/credit available and spending any of it make her feel very vulnerable.

The car is potentially unsafe and a money haemmorhage the way it is now: you may end up paying out dribs and drabs to keep it on the road for the next few years, never knowing when its going to break down/develop a new fault/require you to spend on alternative transport while it is being repaired

I have watched a relative tread water with this issue, constantly paying out little bits to keep some banger on the road, and all the while not able to pay off debts or get a decent car for the same money

Decide what you need in a new car, look around for a good serviced one and make some payment arrangement. the bullet needs to be bitten but it will be safer and more cost effective long term

Crimeariver seems to nail it in my opinion.

crimeariver I completely agree with you that in a couple, big financial decisions like this should be discussed and an agreement found.

Apart from the fact that this car is a DANGER and us putting the OP's like in danger each time she uses it.
If it has been a but if rust, the heating not working fair enough. But there is little compromise to find there. That car just HAS to be replaced. I mean who on earth would put £2k above the life of someone?
So it's hard for her DP to makesuch a financial commitment? How much will it cost the OP if she has an accident and the brakes don't work properly?

Fir me swapping car isn't a compromise. It's a way to make it clear to him how bad the car is. So he can't deny it anymore.
Compromise can happen on the cost of the new car, how to finance it, what other you might do wo. Nit on buying a new car that us never in a good enough condition to pass the MOT.

Write a simple cost analysis, showing projected running costs and overheads such as likely repairs needed and fuel consumption over the next couple of years. Compare this with the initial capital outlay and then running costs of a newer car (which as well as needing fewer repairs should also be more economical on fuel), and in this way prove how long it will take for this purchase to pay for itself - based on info given I'd say only a few years. If your DP is rational he'll soon see the sense in it when it's all down in black and white. However, using credit whilst doing a mortgage application is a no-no - any chance of borrowing from a relative or similar then replaying via a bank loan once mortgage sorted?