Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating/sex apps have "accidently" appeared on itunes account. AIBU to think DP is a liar?

52 replies

Phylrabbit · 01/10/2014 14:37

A week ago a sex app appeared on the ipad. The only people in the house that know the password are me and DP. DP says he didn't download it. However - upon realising that there is NO OTHER BLOODY WAY IT COULD HAVE APPEARED ON THERE he changed this to "couldn't remember" downloading it. After realising that people don't "forget downloaded sex/dating apps" he changed this to "must have been accidently downloaded - clicked on whilst using another site.

(lets just forget for a moment that you still need the ffing password!)

Since investigating the itunes account I have discovered other dating apps which have been downloaded yet deleted from all apple devices in the house (2 phones and the ipad). DP denies any knowledge of them. However it turns out they were downloaded via the phone and not the ipad meaning even less chance of someone else doing in (on the ipad which the kids sometimes use).

So - the closest we have got to an admission of guilt is "I may have accidently clicked on it whilst using a porn site".

He has previous form for using sex/chat/dating sites from a few years back which I forgave but did not forget.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable to distrust him.

Do we all smell a professor of bullshit here or am I a mistrusting bitch of a woman?

Please do not out me, refer to other threads or link me if you recognise this - I'm hoping he reads it. Thanks.

OP posts:
LeggyBlondeNE · 01/10/2014 16:30

Given the history you're probably correct in your suspicions.

Worth checking your acc hasn't been compromised though - I found 'not on this iPad' apps in my account I hadn't downloaded and no one else had my password, so I had to change it and check my bank statements etc.

Might get a confession if you tell him you're going to get apples fraud team onto it?!

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 01/10/2014 16:35

I would reinstall them right in front of him and watch his reaction when you remind him that some apps pick up right where they left off.

I think he's liar but more frustrating then that is he seems to think you're stupid as well... It's that that would end the relationship for me I'm afraid.

cherrybombxo · 01/10/2014 16:35

Ahh, that makes more sense. He has been using it on his phone and not realised that it would automatically go onto the shared iPad, so he's now panicking that he has been caught out. What a dick.

CarbeDiem · 01/10/2014 16:38

You're not a bitch and he's a big fat fucking liar, Sorry OP.

If this isn't enough for you - get into his Email account and see if he's registered on them.

UncleT · 01/10/2014 16:39

No, it's not you. He needs to explain himself - properly.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/10/2014 16:44

Well if only two people know the password, you're one and it wasn't you... Logic and deduction innit!

Chippednailvarnish · 01/10/2014 16:52

App = mistake
Apps = bullshit

browneyedgirl86 · 01/10/2014 16:58

YANBU im 99% certain he's a liar. There's no way apps can install by themselves without the password being entered. I agree with the others who have said not only is he lying but he thinks so little of you he's insulting your intelligence with his bullshit excuses.

jellybelly701 · 01/10/2014 17:23

Of course he's lying. The only way that app got there was by him purposely downloading it.

A few years ago I noticed DP had signed up to a sex site. He claimed he didn't set up the account and that it must of happened after he had been on a porn site. When I asked how porn hub would know his name/age/skin colour/height/education and the fact he has newly moved to the area he said that all that information was on Hotmail ( it wasn't) he eventually admitted to downloading it (out of curiosity) once I lied and told him I wouldn't be angry. He never actually used the site but the fact he took the time to sign up really hurt me. We are still together but I would be lying if I said I didn't have trust issues.

TattyDevine · 01/10/2014 17:40

Sorry, but its not looking good is it.

We have multiple Apple devices in this household, only DH and I know the password, and I know enough about how apps work with the downloading, password etc to know it couldn't really happen by accident - the only way it could is if he thought it was something it wasn't - but that is unlikely for multiple apps.

Anyway you can go a bit further towards an admission by finding him on the app? Honey trap? You shouldn't have to though, but it might stimulate a proper confession and decent discussion, as you will get nowhere while he is simply denying it towards a resolution. Sounds like he is bracing himself to ride out the storm when he should be riding out in a removal van (assuming this brand of infidelity is a red line for you)

Bigoldsupermoon · 01/10/2014 17:45

So he:

  • has already cheated on you
  • uses porn
  • is a liar
  • has no respect for you
  • is happy to blame his shitty decisions on his children
  • thinks you're stupid

?

Sounds quite the catch. OP's husband: if you're reading this, you're basically scum. Do the decent thing for once: come clean and let OP and the kids have a happier life without you filling it with lies and, most probably, STDs.

Original poster
Phylrabbit · 01/10/2014 17:51

Ok so it's quite unanimous that I'm not being overly paranoid here.

So, considering the history and current situation the entire story goes a bit like this:

3 years ago, near the beginning of our relationship (but after the "exclusive" chat and the meeting of each other's children and talks of moving in together - I find that DP has been actively searching the internet for people to have sex with on numerous sites including plenty of fish, casual sex sites, swingers sites and god knows what else. I confront him. He denies all knowledge. Long story short he finally admits it, pleads for forgiveness and promises he'll never do it again. Me being a mug, believes him and we carry on.

A month or so later I stumble across more bullshit - him emailing back and forth with a woman trying to arrange to meet up with her on a night he'd offered to babysit my kids (so a) he knew I'd be out and occupied all night and b) he was presumably planning to leave my kids home alone with the excuse of "I went out to get a takeaway and got stuck in traffic" - he was also back on casual sex sites asking 18 year olds if he was too old for them. He was 41 at the time. (Yes dp, you were too old for them.)

Me - being completely bogged down with exams and pressure of uni and being a total dickhead forgave him a second time.

I stumbled upon something after that too which he talked his way out of but thinking back, it was probably the same thing but by this time my head was clouded by the lovely magic pill sertraline and I stopped caring about everything and anything.

2 years on from this latest incident, I find swingers/dating apps have been downloaded onto apple devices. He swears innocence.

I'm clearly not being unreasonable to think the worst, am I.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/10/2014 17:55

What more would it take for you to dump this loser ?

He's not going to stop, love. Really.

Rainbunny · 01/10/2014 17:55

Even if apps could download and install themselves (which they can't ffs) they would be even more sophisticated to delete themselves as well - clear evidence of covering his tracks I"m afraid. I would tell him that the question over whether he did this or not is clearly closed. The real question now is what's going on with him?

Bigoldsupermoon · 01/10/2014 17:57

Darling, it couldn't be any more obvious that he's cheating. Not only that, but he's lying about cheating. He really does think you're completely stupid/undeserving of his respect - like every other dirty, thinking-with-his-dick loser out there, he's under the impression that he's a fucking stealth wizard.

Please, please don't buy into his frankly ridiculous fantasy.

Justwhateverreally · 01/10/2014 18:03

Think the worst and act accordingly.
Sorry OP.

MrsMinton · 01/10/2014 18:03

You've given him more chances than he deserves. He is looking for other women for sex and that's the bottom line here. He also thinks you will put up with it and are stupid because he is lying blatantly. Every single one of those things indicates he has no respect for you and he honestly deserves no more chances but should be kicked out on his lying arse.

You deserve someone who respects and supports you. Not this lying, disrespectful cheat.

Bigoldsupermoon · 01/10/2014 18:04

Oh, and I can only echo Anyfucker - where are you going to draw the line, OP? My mother stayed with a guy like this until he brought her home an incurable sexually transmitted disease.

Don't let that be you, OP. For the sake of yourself, your self-respect and your kids, LTB.

bloodyteenagers · 01/10/2014 18:05

Why the hell are you still with this cheating, lying loser?
Give him a reality check and kick the looser out.
Then go and get yourself checked out cos realistically you don't know where he has been playing.

whois · 01/10/2014 18:10

Hardly crime of the century is it, most men have no emotional attachment to pornography so I don't really see what the problem is. Most men do it, but most deny it or don't get found out

It's not porn that's the problem. It's using dating sites!

I would be really bloody hurt if by DO was finding the time to check out other hotties on line and chat to them.

YouTheCat · 01/10/2014 18:17

Time to pack his cheating arse up and send him on his way.

What a turd! And get yourself checked out too just in case.

magoria · 01/10/2014 18:27

You deserve better.

He didn't do it...

Opps I don't remember doing it...

Bollocks.

Not the first time. Not the SECOND time. How many chances does a bloke need?

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 01/10/2014 18:34

I'm with the majority. Lying, cheating, arseface.

de1este · 01/10/2014 18:43

I'm a bloke, I say he's a sleazy liar. You deserve a lot better.

AnyFucker · 02/10/2014 17:03

how's things, op