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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to share a room with my OH and children

75 replies

Oneroomfourpeople · 01/10/2014 11:08

A friend is arranging a reunion and has found some accommodation which would necessitate our family sharing a double bedroom for three nights at a cost of around £100 a night. One one year old one four year old.

Also, we will have to share the two bedroom cottage either with a friend and her OH and kids and potentially two other adults sleeping on the sofa. So there will be potentially six adults sharing a bathroom and nowhere to sit down in the mornings when the kids inevitably want to roam around as there will be a childless couple asleep on the sofa bed.

I think this is a bit much for what we will get but I suspect everyone else will go along with it and I will be seen as the difficult one.

Have offered to stay elsewhere and go and see everyone during the days. also, so as not to drop feed, I don't know everyone going and also I only live about half an hour away.

I don't want to be the party pooper but it sounds horrible to me. Do I need to get a grip?

OP posts:

MrsDavidBowie · 02/10/2014 05:29

I would want that size cottage for myself. Couldn't share with anyone.

Finola1step · 02/10/2014 05:52

Good luck with that one.

Ear plugs and wine.

Mutley77 · 02/10/2014 05:57

I think it sounds fun, especially now it seems that the accommodation has changed (?) and there is one bedroom per couple plus an extra room for all the DC to go in together - perfect :)

We did a reunion like that every year for years until we moved to another country - there were 2 DC the first year and 9 by the last!! It was brilliant. I always kept my DC in our room until they were out of the travel cot stage then they went in with all the others on beds / blow up mattresses...

My pre-requisites would be

Lounge space that is definitely not being slept in.
Decent size bedroom for DH&I (to fit kids in if necessary)
Preferably some extra space for DC to sleep in - not lounge.

To those who are staying stay at home you totally miss the point. It is such fun for the DC to run wild altogether with the other DC (ok not the 1 year old but definitely the 4 year old!) and the adults can share the responsibility of the DC, enjoy each others company etc. It's great when they are all finally in bed and you get a few hours to chat and relax - like the good old student days. I will say you do have to forgo worrying about cost in order to get the right place (these kind of s/c houses in UK are often pretty expensive for a weekend) and go with the flow a bit. We managed to sort out any jostling over plans/arrangements in the first couple of years and then we just did the same each year thereafter - it was fab - and I miss it..... But if you're not up for it then don't go and be moody which will spoil your weekend and everyone else's!

It is surprisingly hard to find the right accommodation in the right location so if you are not happy with what is being suggested have a look yourself.... I always tended to do that as I am a bit of a control freak and between 3 of us searching we always ended up with somewhere pretty decent without breaking the bank!

RubyGoat · 02/10/2014 06:24

they are going to try and get as many kids to share as possible - I assume from this, & the lack of thought about communal space in the mornings, that the organiser doesn't have children? This could be hell!

PunkrockerGirl · 02/10/2014 06:38

Sounds like my idea of hell! Definitely take lots of wine and if it gets too bad at least you're not 30 minutes from home.

mrscog · 02/10/2014 06:42

If your 1yo turns out to be an early riser then the childless couple on the sofa bed are going to be in for a shock!

combust22 · 02/10/2014 06:54

I don't get it- is this a sleep over for adults? Thirty minutes from home?

Why would you want to do that?

A taxi ride back would cost less than the accommodation.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/10/2014 08:33

Hang on, how has this gone from 2 bed rooms, to suddenly 3 to 4 bedrooms and suddenly cheaper.

I think your being played for a mug.

Original poster

Oneroomfourpeople · 02/10/2014 08:38

It's a group of cottages. I have queried the price a number of times and have basically been told that they need to work out numbers. I don't know everyone who is going and am a control freak and have just had to let my concerns go because otherwise I wouldn't be going.

I am sure that there will be bits of it which are horrific but whoever it was that said up thread that the 4 year old will have a lovely time is right and I think that's my motivation.

I don't understand how it is all going to work out and have asked enough times and am just going to have to go along with it if I want to go.

I know I am an idiot for going but the sentimental side got the better of me. I am a bit concerned that we will all end up sharing a room but it appears that won't be in addition to people who we don't know on the sofa so I suppose one of us can go and sleep on the sofa.

Will it be ok?

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 02/10/2014 09:05

I've got my tent and sleeping bag, ready to join the "fuck off" camp.

Believe me, after its all over, you'll be wishing you hadnt spent the money on doing something you didn't want to do (accommodation), only to be insulted with being called "annoying" and having to rough it for your sins!

I would stick with your gut instinct, and if people make you feel excluded just because you arent staying under the same roof, well they're the annoying one.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/10/2014 09:09

As for paying a fortune for 30 mins from home, are you insane or do you have money to burn?

I'd seriously put your foot down and say no, if they really wanted to you there, they wouldnt give a shit if you were staying or not.

I'm firmly parked around the fire at "Fuck off" camp.

LeftRightCentre · 02/10/2014 09:10

'Will it be okay?'

Well, you won't die from it, but hey, pay hundreds of pounds to do something you don't want to do and be miserable crammed up in a room sharing a bathroom for days.

Your lookout.

Pooseyfrumpture · 02/10/2014 09:11

The cottage owners would be mad to allow such overcrowding - and many is the time I've been to a "sleeps 4" cottage to find it's only got 4 plates, 4 mugs, 4 bowls etc.

LeftRightCentre · 02/10/2014 09:11

Definitely money to burn, Tali.

Anotheronesoon · 02/10/2014 09:26

I agree that it's not ideal- doesn't sound like there is enough space but actually it could be fun! Me and my uni mates have a re union every year and have 14 rampaging toddlers amongst us and until recently we were the ones on the fold out beds as we were last to have kids. We really didn't Mind as the whole experience was so much fun and the kids love it! So, although space seems rather too limited as you have said yes put a smile on and go with the craziness!! Next year why don't you try and find a place that is better suited. Also as you live so close if you do need some away time you could just sneak off for a bit or maybe not stay the last night? I bet you have more fun that you think you are going to have!

Original poster

Oneroomfourpeople · 02/10/2014 09:30

Tali not money to burn so I must be insane. That really made me laugh. I think maybe I just had a vision of my little one running around with everyone else's kids and thinking about how some bits would be eaiser if we were there.

It will be our summer holiday so definitely not money to burn, will just have to make the most of it when we are there.

Leftrightcentre. Thank you for confirming I won't die from it, I will take comfort from that when I am wide awake in the middle of the night in a lumpy bed

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/10/2014 09:34

Wait!!! Your gonna spend your summer holiday 30 mins from home?

Seriously Op, put your foot down and say no. It is ok to say NO, especially since your spending a fortune. It sounds like its gonna be the worst summer holiday ever and I havent had once since I was 11 (I'm 31)

AMumInScotland · 02/10/2014 09:59

Well, at least if you are only 30 minutes from home, if you do find it hideous then at least you can 'opt out' of a night here and there. Or all of them.

I think these kinds of arrangements suit some people, who are either very easy-going or else so demanding they get what they want, but don't suit people who like things to be a certain way and/or worry that they or their children are inconveniencing others, then find themselves resenting the fact that other people are chaotic and inconsiderate.

I'm firmly in the second camp...

But I can see how you end up feeling that you are being the awkward one if you stand up for what you actually want, so I sympathise.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 02/10/2014 10:01

What accomodation would you like OP, your own cottage? if so is that an option?

Original poster

Oneroomfourpeople · 02/10/2014 10:37

I would like own cottage so we can close the door and slag everyone off but there are too many people I think for that.

A mum i am normally the difficult one and I am trying to be more laid back so as not to make out on things.

yep summer holiday half an hour away from home. I have enormously lowered my expectations since having children and the friend is coming from another country and I don't see often so this is my only opportunity.

OP posts:

Original poster

Oneroomfourpeople · 02/10/2014 10:39

I have just looked at a map and it's an hour away so that's twice as exotic x

OP posts:

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 02/10/2014 10:40

Almost long haul!

ElizabethMedora · 02/10/2014 10:45

How many of the couples going have kids? We have done lots of holidays with childless couples (had kids early) and the most stressful set up of all is someone sleeping in the living room, so that when your kids wake up at the crack of dawn you have to stay in your bedroom whispering to each other & frantically shushing the children...

fromparistoberlin73 · 02/10/2014 10:46

yanbu- for the same money you can get a family hotel room

bigbabymama · 03/10/2014 15:53

At first I thought YABU because sharing a room with DH and kids is definitely manageable. Then when I read that it's in a cottage with another family in another room and potentially two more adults on the sofa with one bathroom between you all, I think you definitely are NOT being unreasonable! If it was only half an hour away I really wouldn't bother.

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