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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you if this would make you feel uncomfortable

53 replies

TheStrawberryQueen · 30/09/2014 21:14

and if you'd be okay with it and be able to laugh it off.

Just imagine you have a male work colleague who seems nice enough however he has a habit of making comments towards you and other female collegues. He makes jokes about how you must fancy him on a regular basis and can be quite pushy in his approach when he makes these jokes. He has also jokingly asked you for a kiss or a hug on numerous occasions and will sometimes grab or squeeze your arm.

Again he only does this to females, never other males.

Would this bother you? Or would you find it funny and just brush it aside as a bit of fun, teasing, etc?

What if you knew it was bothering someone else? Would you speak up for them?

OP posts:
CatKisser · 30/09/2014 21:16

Yes, to the extent that I'd report it. What right do idiots like this have to make you feel uncomfortable while trying to get on and do your job? It's not "banter" and you're not being "uptight" if you report. (Just a couple of phrases some people tend to trot out in these circs.)
What an idiot.

LadyLuck10 · 30/09/2014 21:17

Off course this would be bother me. Even my closest male friends would never behave this inappropriately joking or otherwise. If something makes you uncomfortable then you should speak up. Can't the person who he is doing this to speak up for herself?

Trills · 30/09/2014 21:18

It doesn't sound very comfortable, the way you describe it.

Hassled · 30/09/2014 21:19

Yes it would bother me - it's very inappropriate and while some women could ignore/laugh it off, to others it would be very discomforting. I'd report.

MrsPiggie · 30/09/2014 21:19

Uncomfortable and I would tell him he is behaving inappropriately. I would have even less qualms about speaking for someone else, as that couldn't be construed as me being touchy/over emotional/overreacting/attention seeking - or whatever else sexual bullies may say to defend their behaviour.

Bunbaker · 30/09/2014 21:22

We had someone at work like this. He lasted a couple of weeks and was sacked. I'm lucky that at my place of work we have a zero tolerance for this type of behaviour.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/09/2014 21:22

It would bother me and I would speak to my manager or his manager about it on a semi-informal basis. That's the minimum I'd do. Depending on circs and my overall knowledge/feeling about him I'd consider a full-scale complaint to hr too. And if he didn't mend his ways after an informal chat then I'd definitely go to hr.

DurhamDurham · 30/09/2014 21:22

I would feel uncomfortable and angry, I would have to have said something to him by now. If that didn't work I would speak to a senior manager as it completely unacceptable behaviour. I don't think it's ever something which you could just laugh off.

LEMmingaround · 30/09/2014 21:23

I would look deeply into his eyes, move in closely and whisper " touch me again and I will kill you" instruct your work mates to do the same.

Jewels234 · 30/09/2014 21:24

Yes definitely uncomfortable. I've had this before and regretted not saying anything or noting down what had happened to report.

SanityClause · 30/09/2014 21:24

Have a look at the Everyday Sexism Project.

Nancy66 · 30/09/2014 21:24

he sounds like an absolute creep. Yes, it would bother me. A LOT

OfficerVanHalen · 30/09/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MozzchopsThirty · 30/09/2014 21:27

I've got to say it wouldn't bother me but then I'm quite straight and would probably call him on his behaviour

tinylttletrotters · 30/09/2014 21:30

I would say something

Not appropriate at all , sounds a total wanker to me

MiniTheMinx · 30/09/2014 21:30

I'm with LEM, I would warn him off but I guess it depends whether he is senior to you and could make your life difficult.

catgirl1976 · 30/09/2014 21:30

Of course it would bother me.

I'd call him on it loudly, crushingly and in front of everyone and if that didn't work I would report him in a flash.

You DON'T have to put up with this.

leapfrog77 · 30/09/2014 21:30

Yes it would bother me. Surely its harassment?

phantomnamechanger · 30/09/2014 21:30

yuk what a creep, if you can't stand up to him loudly and publicly to shame him into stopping, then report him. That sort of behaviour is totally unacceptable.

tumbletumble · 30/09/2014 21:33

Yes this would bother me.

FreudiansSlipper · 30/09/2014 21:35

yes of course it would bother me why would it not bother me

that is harassment but of course done in a jokey oh so funny way that we are meant to either go along with or laugh off

no doubt if you said to him I find the way you behave very uncomfortable you would be told you do not have a sense of humour

report him to hr its harassment and should not be tolerated

phantomnamechanger · 30/09/2014 21:38

have you any other male colleagues OP, who could have a word - I don't mean put the frighteners on him (although...) but just to tell him to stop acting like a randy teen

it's not cute and endearing it's creepy sleazy and totally unacceptable.

FreudiansSlipper · 30/09/2014 21:46

this should be reported to hr, op should not have to deal with this or for him to be given a chat from another colleague its sexual harassment and has to be treated seriously

Original poster
TheStrawberryQueen · 30/09/2014 21:56

Thanks for the responses.

It's not actually me this has happened to. It's my 20yo niece. She is fed up to the back teeth of it and her another colleague have talked about reporting it but they are scared to make a fuss. They're also worried that they'll be seen as "killjoys", "having no sense of humour", etc.

This kind of thing would bother me too but I am obviously older and wouldn't think twice about reporting it. I just need to give my niece reassurance that reporting it is the right thing to do and she is in no way a killjoy for doing so or feeling like this.

Sadly her mother (and also my sister) has told her that reporting him would make her a spoilsport and she needs to get a sense of humour and that he's only joking Sad. She's also told her that if she reports him then she'll be responsible for getting him sacked and making him jobless.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 30/09/2014 22:00

Tell her next time he does it say in a calm voice "please don't touch/hug me, it makes me very uncomfortable" then walk away. If they want to take the piss then let them. If he continues then talk to a boss.

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