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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how would you handle this?

35 replies

wonderingsoul · 29/09/2014 17:49

there was a incident with ds1, he is 8, and in year 4.

a new boy who has been in sdchool for two weeks and from what i hear is challanging.

today at lunch this boy hit, punched, kicked in the side and stomped on my sons back, when it was bnroke up by the dinner lady the boy gave one last kick to his side wshich was the only one witnessed by an adult.

it started with ds tapping said boy on the shoulder to ask a question, he has warts on his hand and thios boy made a remark and told him not to touch him with that hand. boy ignored son again.. then ds tappend him on the shoulder again to get his attention whicvh led the boy to chase him and to carry this assult out. i say asult because this is what it feels like o me.

i was spoke top by the teacher and he is unsure of what happened as they both have different stories.
the above is my sons. he has a mark on his kneck and a bruise on his side and back, noty big and could possably be from playing rugby.. so unsure if the back bruises are connected.

whilst i ccould belive my son swore or wound him up i find it hard to belive he started it or retailaited becasue its not ion his nature and has never done anything like that before, even when young.

how would you handle it as i am raging. how should i handle it with the school? they are talking to the boys mum tomorrow, im not sure why they didnt today like they did me?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/09/2014 18:58

Bump. Sorry it's taken so long for anyone to reply. I can't believe a thread this important has been left empty for over an hour.
Sorry you are going through this. There's nothing worse than someone hurting your child, of course you're raging, It's called being a mother. Your poor d.s.
The only advise I can give you is to see how it pans out tommorow at the school and if it inot resolved to your satisfaction make an appointment to speak to the head teacher. If that doesn't work go to the board of governors.
Remember the school has a duty of care to your d.s.

BlueberryWafer · 29/09/2014 19:08

Awful :( I would personally see if they deal with the situation appropriately, and if they didn't then I would be straight into that school to find out what was being done. Although I'm not entirely sure what the action that needs to be taken is - I'm hoping someone else can enlighten you on that.

gobbynorthernbird · 29/09/2014 19:11

So someone asked your son to stop touching him, and your son ignored his request?

LiverpoolLou · 29/09/2014 19:12

I'd be asking what steps they are taking to ensure it doesn't happen again and to protect my child. If they try to minimise it and sweep it under the carpet I'd take it higher.

AlpacaMyBags · 29/09/2014 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Momagain1 · 29/09/2014 19:15

I would expect some minimizing. A request not to touch, even if it was rude and aggressive, should be respected. The kid over reacted by a long shot, but nevertheless, dont touch me means dont touch me.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 29/09/2014 19:17

no he asked him not to tap him on the sholder with the hand that he has warts on... and even if he did.. that does not warrent the attack he had done.

i am also aware my d#son may have wound him up and even swore at him but the boys reaction is out of porprtion and my son was not viloent back. so yes i want big action taken.

thank you for the helpful replys, i will wait till tomorrow and see what is done, personaly id liek to see the boy expelled, but thats u nlikely to happen so im not sure what appriate reaction would be?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 29/09/2014 19:18

Yes, alpaca, it does. Don't touch me means don't touch me.

Lookslikeimstuckhere · 29/09/2014 19:19

Really both boys need to write out their side of the story and any witnesses need to be asked to do the same. Standard practice when there is an alleged physical attack. That way, all points of view can be evaluated to try and ascertain the truth.

If no clear story stands out then at the very least the other boy should be talked to about the kick that was witnessed.

In your position, I would make it clear to the school that you understand it is difficult to judge what has happened without an eye witness but that you are worried about your DS. Show them the bruises. Perhaps ask if it is possible for them to keep an eye on them for the rest of the week. Depending on the size of the school, I would have thought it was a reasonable request?

If there are continued incidents, or unexplained bruises, keep a record and arrange a meeting with the school.

LEMmingaround · 29/09/2014 19:20

Is that what you'd do if i tapped you on the shoulder then gobby?

Do you know Why this new boy is challenging? Is it something the school are aware of? He sounds like he has lots of pent up anger if he reacted that was to your ds.

I would call and make an appointment with the head and get them to outline how they will prevent this from happening again. Hopefully your lad just pushed this boys buttons at the wrong time rather than it being a bullying incident.

Wait and see what school do. If not happy governors then ofsted.

I hope your lad is ok x

longest · 29/09/2014 19:21

There's always one isn't there? Smile

Ask the teacher tomorrow how it is being dealt with. If you're not happy escalate to the HT.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 29/09/2014 19:21

At best he'll get an exclusion for a day or two, but frankly, unless you're prepared to push right up through the governors and on the the LA and your MP, the school are likely to settle for just calling in the parents and giving a verbal ticking off. Photograph all the injuries, and ask to see the head first thing tomorrow. Take it from there.

Littlef00t · 29/09/2014 19:23

Gobby, how can you say that the assault is ok because he touched him after being told not to? Yes, a slap or a single punch would be unsurprising, but to kick and stamp is well excessive.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 29/09/2014 19:25

i have heard he has pushed other boys, but not like this, also last week the whole playground had to go in early from play as the boy has climbed up some metal railings and wouldnt come down.

the teacher has said he had to keep them apart and this boy is finding it hard to settle in, but other than that no.

he is ok, hes shook up and doesnt really want to go to school tomorrow.
ill take pictures of the bruise and marks.

OP posts:
maddening · 29/09/2014 19:25

Sorry gobby but how does that warrant assault ? Even if you are attacked your self defence is legally measured by what is to be accepted as reasonable force with consideration to the situation in question.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 29/09/2014 19:28

It's a serious incident without doubt and I would expect the school to treat it as such.

Based on what you have said I do believe there IS more to the story that what your son is telling you. He already had the boys attention he had no reason to tap his shoulder again. It's not a justification for what's happened but kids are awfully good at getting a deliberate rise out of the children they know will go off like rockets.

HomeHelpMeGawd · 29/09/2014 19:29

So let's get this straight, Gobby: you think the best way to respond to an unconsented tap on the shoulder is an unconsented assault? How is it in the land of Illogica? Very angry, and a lot of broken bones, presumably?

longest · 29/09/2014 19:32

Don't feed it people Smile

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 29/09/2014 19:36

Based on what you have said I do believe there IS more to the story that what your son is telling you. He already had the boys attention he had no reason to tap his shoulder again.

-- the boy was ignoring him, which i can see anoying my son,

It's not a justification for what's happened but kids are awfully good at getting a deliberate rise out of the children they know will go off like rockets.

-yes, i agree. im sure there is something hes not telling me, be it that he swore at him or said something to him when the boy mentioned his warts (hes quite sensitive about that and does get ribbed for it) i can fully belive my son said something to rile him up... but it is out of porportion

OP posts:
mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 29/09/2014 19:42

Tbh I doubt your son is telling you the whole story. Although that doesn't make what happened right by any means I'd be addressing with him why he carried on and wound him up as well as speaking to school.

gobbynorthernbird · 29/09/2014 19:46

I think that if anyone continues to touch another person, when they have been specifically asked to desist, deserves whatever happens to them. OPs son should learn to keep his hands to himself, and not continue to lay his hands on someone because they have 'annoyed' him.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 29/09/2014 19:47

Your son learns to read body language and keep out of other peoples personal space. He was asked to stay away and continued with behaviour that unsettled another child.

Other childs reactions was extreme but Im guessing that both children her have some form of spectrum disorder, diagnosed or otherwise.

OP, your child does not sound very kind either.

And again OP - get the warts treated if your child is 'sensitive' about them

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/09/2014 19:52

So Gobby you're saying that this child deserved to be beaten up. You're actually promoting this type of assault, My goodness me. Would you feel this way if this happened to your child.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 29/09/2014 19:55

wow..

an 8 year old tapping some one on the sholder means hes on the spectrem and is unkind?

wow.

and for his warts.. wow.. why didnt i think about that!

oh wait i did, the doctors wont do anything as they are on his hands and are painfull to freeze off , and home remady do not work.

my son is kind, he has never been intouble with the school for unkind behaviour, and is actually praised by his teachers for his kindness and thoughtfullness.

im leaving the thread now, im het up and this is just upsetting me more.

thank you to thouse who have helped, i will take pictures and speack to the teacher and head, tomorrow.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 29/09/2014 19:57

By the time my DC/DSC were 8 they understood boundaries, if only for their own sake.