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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider a name that a family member has already used?

66 replies

LinaDee · 29/09/2014 13:31

Since I was a teenager, I've been in love with a certain girls name.
About 4 years ago, my husbands cousin had a girl and used this name (although a slightly different spelling)
Other than Christmas, new year, Easter, family events - we don't really spend much time with this part of the family, although my husband considers them to be his close family.
I am pregnant again and we are really struggling to find a girls name we can agree on.

It crossed my mind the other day that we should consider this name as I feel like we'd just be picking another name because we weren't "allowed" to use this one.
I know that they have previously said they have been limited with boys names because they have so many boys in the family that they wouldn't use a name that someone has already used.

I don't want to upset anyone or step on toes, but increasingly we're not even spending holidays with these cousins.

Would it be unreasonable to use the name?

OP posts:

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 18/12/2014 05:09

I wouldn't be happy.

I really did my homework so my DC didn't have the same names as family members.

spidey66 · 18/12/2014 07:09

I've got a cousin called J. Another cousin called his daughter J. Noone turned a hair.

J has a sister called E. It's a lovely, elegant name and if I'd ever had a daughter it's be up there. I wouldn't worry about it.

ReginaBlitz · 18/12/2014 07:51

I think its strange. All the millions of names out there and you want the same as a family member!. They beat you to it you just have to get over it.
I'm shocked at the amount of people saying go for it! I seriously wouldn't and if you have liked this name for years its probably dated anyway, think new,think a bit unusaul,do not think of copying a name!! It would be like you really havnt thought about it!

thegreylady · 18/12/2014 08:00

I have two adult cousins named Margaret. There was 8 months between and the father of one was the brother of the mother of the other (rhyming mouthful). They were my first cousins and we all met up regularly. In conversation they were Margaret S and Margaret F but it was never a problem.

SweepTheHalls · 18/12/2014 08:29

My cousin used both my DS 's names as first name, middle name for his first born.

I took it as the most wonderful compliment on the names I chose!

PrimalLass · 18/12/2014 11:05

I agree Regina - there are loads of lovely names.

SoonToBeMrsB · 18/12/2014 11:12

I wouldn't use it. I had a name picked out when I was 15, I loved it and always said that I would use it if I had a boy and then my older cousin used it. It has totally spoiled it for me, I'll never use it.

Whippet81 · 18/12/2014 11:19

How unusual is it?

I don't really think it would be a problem to be honest as you don't have much to do with them but I must admit - my son has a fairly unusual name - not weird but only just sneaked in to top 100 this year. I would be fairly miffed if a family member used it - would probably be BU but I know I would it would feel like copying - however if it was quite popular at the moment and likely to be a few in each class then I would think 'ah well that's what happens when you pick something popular'.

That probably made no sense at all.

NotYouNaanBread · 18/12/2014 11:25

Use it. Look at it this way - there have always been "family" names - lots of families used to be rife with certain names, and the problem then was "Oh no, I think we like a name that ISN'T a family name! 85 people will be so offended if we DON'T call the baby Hepzibah Esmereldine like all her aunts, grandmothers and cousins - what should we do?"

So go for it.

Although, now that I think of it, Hepzibah Esmereldine would be awesome, you know.

Withershins · 18/12/2014 11:40

A family friend was married and had 2 children, a daughter and a son. The marriage broke down and he went on to marry someone else, his new wife was pregnant with a boy, and wanted to name her son after her father. Unfortunately her father had the same name as his first son. She insisted on having her way, so he has 2 son's with the same name!

pennefab · 18/12/2014 11:59

YANBU

My mother's cousin named their dd the nickname I went by(I was a teen by then). I always found it somewhat flattering. During family events, she was called or referred to as "nickname - middle initial" and I was called my nickname with middle initial. It was never a problem. I think we all liked it.

SoonToBeMrsB · 18/12/2014 12:38

Withershins

That's really weird!

Withershins · 18/12/2014 12:42

He pretty much had no backbone where new wife was concerned, poor first son was about 9-10yrs at the time so fully aware of the situation, he must have felt like he was being replaced

SoonToBeMrsB · 18/12/2014 13:04

That's really horrible, and really bloody selfish of the new wife. Ooh, I'm all thinking about it!

BackforGood · 18/12/2014 13:05

Clearly going right against the grain here, but I wouldn't, not as this is a family you spend time with several times a year.

there are thousands of names out there - it can't be that difficult to find another nice name can it?

hanahsaunt · 18/12/2014 13:16

Passing names down through generations is lovely so completely fine to have a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin and then new baby sharing a name; not in the same generation though. I imagine the children in question will grow to loath always needing an additional identifier like Big or Little etc. I also think it's weird to have names that you've always dreamed of calling your child. There are lots of names out there - buy a book.

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