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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider a name that a family member has already used?

66 replies

LinaDee · 29/09/2014 13:31

Since I was a teenager, I've been in love with a certain girls name.
About 4 years ago, my husbands cousin had a girl and used this name (although a slightly different spelling)
Other than Christmas, new year, Easter, family events - we don't really spend much time with this part of the family, although my husband considers them to be his close family.
I am pregnant again and we are really struggling to find a girls name we can agree on.

It crossed my mind the other day that we should consider this name as I feel like we'd just be picking another name because we weren't "allowed" to use this one.
I know that they have previously said they have been limited with boys names because they have so many boys in the family that they wouldn't use a name that someone has already used.

I don't want to upset anyone or step on toes, but increasingly we're not even spending holidays with these cousins.

Would it be unreasonable to use the name?

OP posts:

WigWagWoggleBoggle · 29/09/2014 21:56

I'd use the name, Dp's sister gave her son the same name as DP. He's always wanted to pass his name down onto his own son. So when we have a little boy ill be calling him DPs name whether she likes it or not.

Like someone else said up thread, nobody owns names

WaroftheRoses · 29/09/2014 21:57

Use the name! I have very close friends who come and stay with us a couple of times a year. We both have 3 kids each-2 of ours and 2 of theirs share the same names-they asked us if it was OK as theirs are younger kids. It doesn't cause too much confusion.....

daisydee43 · 30/09/2014 13:15

teaandalemontart - thank you for your post. was typing on my phone with one hand and to be fair without putting names it does sound confusing. get a life lol

Dogsmom · 30/09/2014 13:30

We gave our dd the same name as dh's cousin, it was the only name we loved and only see her at family do's, nobody batted an eyelid.
I'm pregnant again and if it was a boy the only named I liked was Sam which is my nephews name, again we rarely see him, so were going to use it but we're having another dd so we're using a name that was used on one of our family german shepherds years ago

Rainbunny · 30/09/2014 13:40

I would absolutely use it and I wouldn't ask first either. This is a cousin of your DH that you hardly know so I don't think you should have to ask in these circumstances. If you do ask you are inviting the cousins to say no, what would you do then? You would also be inviting them to be bothered about it, if you just go ahead and name your child they will deal with it easier instead of getting wound up about it beforehand, if you know what I mean. If you were more closely related or just closer friends I would ask but I wouldn't worry in these circumstances.

originalusernamefail · 30/09/2014 13:45

My cousin named his DD my name, same spelling and I had not problem with it. He and his wife then started to change the spelling of MY name on bday and Xmas cards (think Katie - Katy but not that) . Don't do that and you'll be fine.

Workytypestuff · 30/09/2014 13:51

They don't own the name, use it!

squoosh · 30/09/2014 14:14

Just use it, you hardly ever see them.

It would only be a bit odd if the name was Horatia or Hepzibah or something equally unusual. In that situation you might seem a bit weird.

SlimJiminy · 30/09/2014 14:32

DH has two cousins on his mum's side that used the same name for their DDs. It really is a non-issue in our family. If you both love it and both agree, then go for it (and don't bother asking them first) xx

StillNotFound · 30/09/2014 17:28

I would use it! My cousin was given the same name as my brother and the boys shared a surname too (the families didn't live close by and didn't see each other much). It was no problem, and they quite enjoyed having the same name as each other when they did meet up. One was often known by an abbreviation anyway.

Vintagejazz · 30/09/2014 17:33

I don't see the problem. Two of my cousins have children called Sam, two have children called Holly (born a couple of months apart) and two have children called Connor. It has never raised much discussion, never mind bad feeling.

BerylStreep · 30/09/2014 17:44

This happened in my DH's family and it has caused war for the last 45 years. MIL named her DD (say Stephanie), and her SIL named her DD Stephanie, who was born only 3 months later and lived in the same street.

My MIL was furious. She changed her Stephanie's name to her middle name, and has never forgiven her SIL. To this day she can't speak to her SIL without sneering and has never forgiven the usurper Stephanie.

Funnily enough, the original but no longer Stephanie named her DD Stephanie when she was born!

IYSWIM.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/09/2014 17:47

OP, my eldest cousin gave her DD my name and her DS our youngest cousin's name. It certainly didn't 'bother' our parents. No one assumed she was naming them after us nor that she had 'stolen' our names. She and her DH just liked the names and they were somewhat 'fashionable' names at the time (youngest cousin & I are closer in age to eldest cousin's children than to eldest cousin). Our family got together frequently and there was never a problem, other than her children being referred to as "Mary's 'Across'" and "Mary's 'youngest cousin'" where he and I were 'just our names'.

No one 'owns' a name. A name can't be 'stolen'.

SlimJiminy · 30/09/2014 18:07

Actually, I've just realised I have cousins who share a name. One is known by a shortened version, so it's only just occurred to me that on paper they're actually the same! No-one's even batted an eyelid - and we're a close family that sees a lot of each other.

Gem124 · 17/12/2014 20:33

Did you use the name?

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 17/12/2014 21:05

See, if my sister had used a name I liked before me, I would still probably use it. Even cousins that spend a lot of time with each other are still not in the same close family unit!

My sister feels the exact opposite though so I suspect you will get some polarised views.

But I say go for it.

anothernumberone · 17/12/2014 21:29

As long as you don't name 2 of your own children the same name like Michael Jackson I don't personally see the big deal.

Mammanat222 · 17/12/2014 21:32

We were considering my first cousins name for this baby. I never see her though.

Also she shortens her name and we'd have used the proper version

crazykat · 17/12/2014 21:42

I'd use the name. I have three cousins with the same name as me and thought it was great. I come from a huge family and have over 40 first cousins, not to mention second and third cousins. There are probably several repeated names tbh.

If it was the name of your niece that you were considering then, while no one owns a name, it may be a bit weird. Using the same name as a cousin is fine imo.

toomanypasswords · 17/12/2014 21:48

My cousin's daughter has the same name as me (she's 11 years younger than me). She does have a different spelling though.

RueDeWakening · 17/12/2014 21:57

I have the same name and spelling as my grandma, aunt and cousin. It's fine. Another cousin has our first name as her middle name. Also fine.

My cousin and I are even known by the same nickname of it, usually with the prefix of big and little :o

MidniteScribbler · 17/12/2014 22:04

I think the relationship is far enough apart to go ahead and use it. Especially if the name has different options for nicknames - eg Margaret, with one called Maggie and one called Peggy.

NobodyLivesHere · 17/12/2014 22:19

My cousin used my son's name for hers. It bothered me a lot. But they go to the same school and stuff. I'm still annoyed by it years later if I'm honest.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 17/12/2014 22:24

I would be flattered if someone else chose the same name as my DCs. Might be a little confusing if they had the same surname, but I'd still be fine with it.

liquidstateisonthemulled · 17/12/2014 22:26

Names run in twos in my family. There are two of most names in the adult cousins. Cousin liquidstate is my best friend...

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