I am having a horrible time (again) with my partner and I need some sensible advice.
I went to the UK part of a wedding on Friday night (overseas part was in Italy) with my partner, his son and my son. When I arrived there I had no issue whatsoever but my partners family kept asking if I was ok, probably around 20 or 30 times. In the end I asked what they were talking about and it emerged that 2 of my partners exes were going to be at the party. One lady who he has an 18 daughter with and I get on with well and one girl who he was with for 8 years but has no children with. Now if i'm completely honest, I have no problem with the ex who he has kids with, thats his family and she has a special place in his life. I am always friendly with her and we get on fine. The other girl I have a bit of a problem with. The family seem to favour her over everyone in some way, she was invited to the hen do and I wasn't. She is always with my DPs sister as they are still very good friends and I know that she was devastated when she and my DP split up. They split up over 5 years ago now and she hasn't had a boyfriend since. I think she still has feelings for him but I don't know for sure.
Anyway, I tried to put all this aside at the party and have a nice time. It was made very hard because when I wandered up to my partner having a chat with someone, he was also talking about his other ex, DS's Mum. It was all getting a bit much and to be honest, normally I'm so secure and self confident but I was starting to feel unimportant and horrible.
I know that his sister is not very keen on me and when I was having a dance she started asking whether I was ok that my son was with someone he didn't know upstairs (he was with a babysitter i use regularly, he is 3 and she arrived to look after him at 9pm because he was tired and had a full day at school). I told her he wasn't with someone he didn't know, he was with a regular babysitter and he was fine). But this pissed me off a bit. Then she started on with the 'was I ok?' again and at this point I just told her what I thought. I said that I was confused at why Emma hasn't really moved on, I felt a bit sorry for my DP that she was invited to all family gatherings and that our relationship hasn't really had the space to grow and be accepted by his family. She then responded my saying the girl is a family member and I basically should just get over it because shes always going to be around.
She then asked me to go outside with her and used the whole thing as an opportunity to rake up an incident that had happened a long time ago when she had looked after my DS (6months old at the time) and she had taken him out in an unsafe car, past his bedtime and not called me to let me know. At the time I was angry about this and we fell out but I had since thought it was all forgotten about. She brought this up again and made wild accusations about the evening, accusing me of all sorts of things that hand on my heart, I didn't do or say. I got more and more upset outside, kept telling her that I wasn't going to agree with her as those things didn't happen and then my DP came over. He heard the things she was saying and he took her side. We went back to the room and he called me the worst names ever, I'm not even writing them they make me feel so horrible. Everytime I tried to explain to him what had happened he screamed at me and he told me to go home first thing in the morning so I didn't see anyone. I've since had the silent treatment since then and it shows no sign of stopping. I sent him a long email yesterday and he replied saying 'if you contact me again I will be forced to take matters out of your hands'.
I feel completely bewildered and hugely upset. I probably could have dealt with the whole ex thing better but I feel pushed out and like an outcast in his family. The fact i wasn't invited to the hen do and me and my son were not invited to the wedding in Italy was really difficult to deal with. I had had enough of people asking me if I was ok and I didn't have a go at the sister, I just explained how I felt. I feel pretty sure if she was in my situation she would feel the same. She then used that to dredge up something from the past that I have tried so hard to put right, she has made no effort at all.
My DP and I are in the middle of buying a house together, we were meant to be going to Blackpool with my family later this week and I feel dreadful. I haven't eaten anything for 3 days and he will not speak to me. I feel like his sister totally set out to do this and I feel like she is having a really good laugh at me behind my back. She has also posted a picture on facebook captioned 'my favourite photo of the night' and it is her with all of his exes dancing on the dancefloor. I feel in my heart of hearts like she is purposefully trying to be a bitch and make me miserable. I don't know what to do. Help.