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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this party mother is crazy.

59 replies

Sleepswithbutterflies · 29/09/2014 07:58

With a capital C?

We went to a party last weekend for a 5 year old. They had a professional photographer who went around snapping the kids left right and centre.

This weekend all the photos are on fb (which I don't particularly agree with. I mean, it's fine for ds but no one asked and there might be kids who have parents who don't want them plastered all over fb) and the pictures have been photoshopped! The children now have whiter teeth, brighter eyes and any blemishes are gone. There was a child who has a mark from where they had a head injury and stitches - the mark is gone.
There is also a photo of a slightly chubby older girl (about 8 maybe? I didn't know her anyway, I know most of the other children) and I am 99.9% they've made her slimmer!!

Oh my god! They were mainly 4, 5 and 6 year olds and they've been photoshopped!
I'd so love to link the pictures but I can't, sadly.

Aibu to think this mother is actually slightly deranged?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2014 09:57

What if there had been a child with a physical condition which effects their features, e.g Down Syndrome. Would she go as far as to photoshop them. I would be livid if I were the parents of that child.

pictish · 29/09/2014 09:58

No I'm sure they do look weird all photo shopped. Some people like that unreality look. The Disney effect.

borisgudanov · 29/09/2014 10:03

I wouldn't be happy with any of this and I'd be asking her to remove any pictures including my DC, photoshopped or not, from FB immediately. What sort of lesson does it teach them about body image? How dare she? She must be on glue.

worstdayever · 29/09/2014 10:06

Ive just been watching toddlers and tiaras and i couldn't help thinking she wouldn't be out of place on there.

pictish · 29/09/2014 10:12

Be careful of getting swept up in the demonisation of this woman MN is going to deliver OP. All the how very dare she's.
Just politely ask her to remove any photos you are not on board with being shown. She won't have meant any offence I'm sure.

Moreisnnogedag · 29/09/2014 10:13

I'd be a bit Hmm about FB but photoshopping?! No that's a step too far! There is absolutely nothing about a five yr old that needs photoshopping out!

What about birth marks? Burn scars? Would they be wiped out?! How horrible for the children to see that there's something perceived to be wrong about them. Kind of ruins the message we try and teach our children that they are perfect just the way they are.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 29/09/2014 10:18

No probably not - it was just a bit 'I only have perfect children at my dc's party' that's how it felt. It probably wasn't that way intended but it just seemed very ott.

OP posts:
AggressiveBunting · 29/09/2014 10:20

well I must admit I have an annual family photoshoot, and on one occasion we had this lovely photo of the 4 of us, but DS had a massive bogey coming out of his nostril. I photo shopped it Grin.

inloominotnorti · 29/09/2014 10:26

Don't you have to ask for permission to put other people's kids on facebook?

inloominotnorti · 29/09/2014 10:27

There's some law on facebook that any picture you put on there becomes their property so they can use that image in any way they want. Which is a little dodgy if you ask me....

mummytime · 29/09/2014 10:38

Gosh - YANBU!

I would have created a huge fuss - I don't want pictures of my DC on facebook (until they are old enough to do it themselves). Nevermind the photoshopping.

TrendStopper · 29/09/2014 11:04

I would ask for the photos of my child to be removed from facebook.

However I am unsure about the photoshopping. The day before my dd was due to get her school photo she had an accident and ended up with a big cut under her eye. I was glad when the photographer removed it. Taking out freckles or glasses or changing eye colour or whitening teeth I don't agree with.

DeWee · 29/09/2014 11:12

I don't think it's a big thing. There's a dad at school who's a professional photographer and I know he's sometimes offered to come and take pictures of a party and give it to them on a CD instead of a present. I think that's quite nice really. Wouldn't judge a mum who accepted at all, and if he's a friend, chances are that's roughly what happened.

Photoshopping again may well be no choice of the mums, and she probably doesn't realise it has been done.

I remember when dd2, who was born with no left hand, was about 18 months, a photographer came to the toddler group and took some formal/school type photos. Lovely photographer, and she took some lovely photos that I saw on her screen. When the photos came, the person who had printed them had decided to assume I didn't want her little arm in the photos and had moved the photos over to cut out her little arm. In one of the photos her head was cut off 3/4 the way to avoid having her little arm in. Hmm
I'm not sure when I've been less impressed.So I wrote a strong letter of complaint, got my money back etc. Little bit later I met the photographer somewhere else and she was so apologetic. She hadn't realsied at all as someone else did the printing. When she'd asked him he had admitted to doing that, and doing small photoshopping stuff (like taking out scars) on the pictures before he printed. She was now doing the printing herself.

TheRealMaryMillington · 29/09/2014 11:16

It's made me feel a bit sad too.
She must have a very weird outlook on life.

worstdayever · 29/09/2014 12:00

Photo shopping someone elses kids is really overstepping the mark!

PartyMatron · 29/09/2014 12:02

I photoshop kids photos!

Mainly to remove the evidence of the chocolate that had been used to bribe them to sit still!

TheRealMaryMillington · 29/09/2014 15:54

Removing snot from one's own child - fine

Photoshopping other people's kids to some perceived norm sense of attractiveness - very odd

LokiBear · 29/09/2014 16:04

There was a card in the bounty pack when I gave birth to dd advertising a newborn photo session with 'free imperfection removal'. Hideous!

HappyAgainOneDay · 29/09/2014 16:11

I also don't agree with photoshopping natural features like freckles or birthmarks.

Not child related but I won a competition once where the prize was a makeover and the photos were to be printed in the next issue of the magazine. I wore spectacles all the time (couldn't see without them) and I have a small flesh coloured mole at the bottom of a cheek out of which black hairs used to grew (they are now white). The photographer rang me to suggest that the little mole was camouflaged. I argued because it's part of me but they went ahead and the photo in the magazine had no spectacles and no mole.

Annoying. It wasn't me.

nicename · 29/09/2014 16:17

Is the mum Victoria Beckham or someone like that? Maybe the photographer is touting for work. I hope the shots don't end up being used for their portfolio without consent.

We went to a birthday party when DS was about 4 and I'm not sure who took the photos but they were very good! We got CDs of the bash and it was really nice. No airbrushing though!

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 16:19

I'm always amazed that the local Venture photography place is so busy. I'm almost nostalgic for red cheeks, runny noses and sheer joy as they get replaced by sanitised perfection.

Years ago we sent a set of pictures back to the nursery photographer for this exact reason.

Jengnr · 29/09/2014 16:38

If anybody photoshopped my son I would be fucking furious. What a horrible horrible message to send.

If my son is covered in chocolate/mud/snot/paint/whatever I couldn't give a bollocks. I want photographs of what he looks like otherwise what's the point?

nicename · 29/09/2014 17:19

When I was much younger, I was once doing the artwork for a brochure and there was a large headshot of a very senior bod who had the most awful skin.

I'd just done a Photoshop masterclass and geed up by my new skills, I helpfully spent ages airbrushing his face before someone told me that they were a scattering of warts (so not a temporary attack of pimpes) and I had to use the original shot (warts and all, as it were).

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 29/09/2014 17:31

This is an option on school photos now - air brushing zits and braces away

PartyMatron · 29/09/2014 19:42

I'm feeling paranoid now - I photoshopped a whole batch of family reunion photos - because I presumed people would prefer a bit of soft-focus on under eye bags, crows feet & teenage acne.

I know how people can often be unhappy at photos of themselves - so I feel responsible to make sure that I portray everyone in the best light. It feels like an extension of choosing a good lens for the job, watching the colour balance or get natural skin tones and so on.

Tbh - I'd love someone to produce some attractive reportage shots of me - rather than the half-a-head-mid-sneeze monstrosities tha occasionally pop up on my Facebook.