to think if you want to see my children you have to at least try and be pleasant to me?

[oopsamadaisy]

I have parents who at best seem to ignore me and at worst treat me as a second class citizen to their precious first born,my sister is a total drama queen and most of the time downright rude,touchy aggressive and condescending. She is also so insanely envious of anyone having anything she doesn't that she practically has steam coming out of her ears if anyone has any happy news. As a result my parents walk on eggshells, pander to her every whim and treat her like some fragile little child when in fact she is a full grown woman.
When they fancy seeing the grandchildren or DNs I am summoned to bring them over but they barely talk to me when I'm there and it's getting past the point of rudeness.
I'm currently pregnant again, have morning/all day sickness and am exhausted but they have not at any point asked how I am and their reaction when I told them we were expecting again was, as normal, at best indifferent.
I am feeling very much like if they want to see the grandchildren or DNs then they can start treating me a little more nicely! AIBU?
I often see threads on here about the value of extended family but surely seeing their mother ignored and made to feel small is not a positive influence?
DH thinks I should go NC as the visits have started upsetting me so much but I don't think I'd ever manage that,I'd feel way too guilty. No idea how to improve things though.

Just a thought but I was wondering if people who have had others go NC with them consider it "sulking" while the other party considers it "going NC"? Is there anyone on here who has had someone go NC with them?

By the way OP, that sounds horrible and I understand the feeling you describe; my mother and my sister look through me like I am a pane of glass when my DCs are there. I answer the door and they are immediately all over them and barely acknowledge me. When I have pulled them up on this and said it is rude, they have told me "it's pathetic to be jealous of a 5 year old and 20 month old". As a result I don't see too much of them.

I had a little of this treatment (ie as compared to demanding older DSis) and although it was to a far lesser degree, I still found it very hurtful.

However, a very wise person told me that every relationship is like a dance and you learn to react in a certain way to the other persons 'steps'. So, if you change the way you 'dance', they then have to find a different way to approach the relationship.

NC may be the best way forward in your painful situation, especially while you are ill, but could it possibly help to (a) explain to your parents that you find their dismissiveness and lack of interest hurtful and (b) refuse to toe the line eg make them come to visit you, issue invites at a time that suit you etc. Oh, and pull them up on rudeness eg "I'm very disappointed you're not more excited about my pregnancy. It's a really big thing for me and me and DH are thrilled". (I wish I'd done this earlier!)

But only you can know if they are rude, clueless, feeling secretly stressed by or resenting your DSis's demands and taking it out on the wrong person... There could be all sorts of reasons. Or they might just not be very nice

Thankyou everyone for being so lovely.Lots of useful ideas and supportiveness.
I genuinely don't think they're bad, and though my sister doesn't live with them thumbwitch I think that what you say could v well be part of it.
Proudaspunch,don't worry I didn't think you meant anything bad,I don't think anyone has said anything I haven't wondered at some point myself which is reassuring,because it is probably a mix of lots of the things.
I'm not sure about how NC is perceived by the other side,I would imagine if I were to go down this path with my sister -which I doubt I will for the same guilt reasons posters mentioned above,ie if anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself- she would definitely perceive it as sulking.
Thankyou again,you've been lovely!