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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is going to be sweary, Future MIL. Aibu to ignore her for a day

70 replies

prettywhiteguitar · 28/09/2014 17:08

Mil in shop today, "I hear you had a near miss with twins " - laughs

Me- well if you call a near miss a dead baby then yes

I had my 12 week scan which showed 1 heathy normal baby and one that had stopped growing at about 8 weeks

I fucking hate her right now, stupid ignorant cow

Not only did she start the conversation in a bloody shop, but she had no idea how I felt about it. Just assumed that I would be happy that one of my babies died.

I have pretty much ignored her since then, just polite nods.

I just wanted to rant on here so I don't tell her to feck off home

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 28/09/2014 19:32

OMG. This one pushes my buttons big time because I had recurrent miscarriage and now have twins. Your MIL is an idiot and she is lucky you've been that restrained. I'd have given her both barrels.

So sorry for your loss.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 28/09/2014 20:16

Thank you all, it helps to hear kind words. I can't believe some if the stories on here ! People are incredibly insensitive.

So I told dp exactly what she said and he's really furious, particularly as he told her that he was upset about it. So I don't really know what her deal is other than they she thinks we couldn't have coped with twins Hmm

Anyway at some point he's going to ring her and tell her she really upset me and him.

I don't want an apology I just want her to think next time she opens her stupid mouth to say something tactless to another pregnant lady.

(Pulls up big girl pants)

OP posts:
worstdayever · 28/09/2014 20:22

Jesus Christ OP just big hugs so sorry, Im glad your OH is having words.

ILoveMyCaravan · 28/09/2014 20:24

My own mother said something similarly offensive to me when I had just had a miscarriage. She phoned me up as late as she possibly could and said breezily 'oh so you've had a miss then'. Like I'd just missed a bus or something Sad

ILoveMyCaravan · 28/09/2014 20:25

Thanks for you OP.

wheresthelight · 28/09/2014 20:27

first and foremost I am so sorry for your loss!! Thanks for you!!

as for your mil what a f#*£ing witch! I don't think I would ever speak to her again in your shoes but then I am a swine for holding grudges. whatever her private thoughts on whether or not you would have been able to cope are irrelevant and she had no right to voice them.

I sincerely hope your dp lays it on thick a d tells her exactly what an unthinking spiteful cow she has been!

thewomaninwhite · 28/09/2014 20:27

Op, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of one of your twins. I too have lost a twin and it is a tricky place to be. There is a facebook support page for people who have lost from a multiple pregnancy (at any stage). If you want any further info just PM me and I can point you in the right direction.

LittleRedDinosaur · 28/09/2014 20:30

What a massive cow. Why on earth isn't she apologising? You made it clear that she'd upset you. Maybe just stupid to make the comment initially but nasty to not try to apologise once it was obvious you were upset.
That's the kind of thing that I just wouldn't be able to move on from.
Sorry this has happened to you OP

lomega · 28/09/2014 20:31

I actually have my mouth hanging open. Even if she meant it as a thoughtless comment, opposed to actually nasty, that is still way out of line. Hell, I'd have been pissed if any member of my family had said it not just my MIL.

Sorry for your loss OP

TsukuruTazaki · 28/09/2014 20:34

What! I can't believe someone would say something that thoughtless, stupid and crass, heartless, and think it's perfectly acceptable!

So sorry for your loss.

notagainffffffffs · 28/09/2014 20:37

Oh lord :( so sorry for you OP, you have been incredibly civilised. People can be horrifically insensitive. When I had mine my mum told me about a very heavy period she had had once. I had been hospitalised with complications :( all I can say without a doubt is that you are doing very well and I'm sending you a big old cuddle and sending my best wishes for your baby

Bogeyface · 28/09/2014 20:46

I wonder if part of the problem is generational. I know that when I have lost babies my mother said that she wished it was ok to be open about it when she was younger. She said that you didnt talk about it because it was nobodys business, I think it was akin to "womens problems" so it wasnt talked about really. Mum said that there was definitely an attitude of "It happens, what makes you so special? Get on with making another one!", which is terribly sad when you think of hundreds of thousands of women not allowed to grieve for their lost babies. I think that is often behind the "buck up!" attitude of older women, it was how they coped.

elliejjtiny · 28/09/2014 20:52

So sorry about your baby OP. Stuff dinner, go home and eat cake.

eversley2 · 28/09/2014 21:42

Holy crap!!!! That is totally insensitive and horrible. Not surprised you can't look at her!!! Confused

foslady · 28/09/2014 22:14

For the 1st time ever I had to read an OP twice, because I couldn't believe anyone, let alone a MIL could be so insensitive on so many levels.

I'm so sorry for your loss Pretty, Flowers........and for you having her as a MIL

Mrsgrumble · 28/09/2014 22:17

Worst thing I've heard in a while

Flowers look after yourself and sorry to hear your news

KatieKaye · 28/09/2014 22:20

I'm so sorry about the baby.
Your MIL is unbelievably thoughtless. Totally insensitive.

Evabeaversprotege · 28/09/2014 22:53

I'm so sorry op.

My sister was expecting twin girls (after 3 boys). At 32 weeks she had a scan (fortnightly) and discovered one of her daughters had went to sleep.

I have never in my life seen anything as heartbreaking.

Unfortunately her SIL didn't feel the same - she said to her "oh well, sure at least you'll still get one"

Her mil said it was "just as well" as sis "had enough" on her plate.

My sister had to carry & give birth to her little girl and still accept her mil & SIL in the hospital visiting room. Meanwhile I wanted to dig their eyes out.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 29/09/2014 17:13

Evabeaversprotege

Fuck I have no words for that ....!

Thank you all for your kind comments. I had a good cry on dp last night, it was nice to talk about it actually as we have been very busy with work and other dc's and not really talked about it.

OP posts:
DreamingofSummer · 29/09/2014 17:16

So sorry for your loss.

The phrase "fuck off you stupid cow" was specifically invented for occasions like that.

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