To ask how you feel about hugging your therapist?

[missanxiety]

Not in a sexual other otherwise inappropriate way.

I was very upset in my appointment yesterday. I text my therapist last night and she offered hugs if I get upset again. Would you find it comforting, or would it make you worse if you were upset? I'm trying to work out how I would feel and what might make things feel better in the situation again.

I have a councillor (dealing with issues from growing up in an extremely abusive and violent home as a child) whom I see less frequently now. Personally I would feel uncomfortable with this. I also doubt very much that my councillor who even suggest it.

I wouldn't like it.

I've told my therapist things from my life that have visibly upset her and I felt like hugging her afterwards. I think it caught her off guard and I guess they can't be calm and impartial to everything. I felt bad for her. I didn't hug her though. I did ask if she was ok and she admitted to being very affected by what I'd just recounted.

But no, a hug at the end not ok for me.

I like hugs. For the record. I honestly don't feel weird about hugs. But context is everything, and context is meaningful. And power is a big player in the making of meaning. A good few hundred thousand years have made into humans emotionally screwed creatures who need to rely on the physical, cognitive and emotional to figure out wtf to do now. Both therapists and clients can over-attach, become obsessed, lust, despise, like, fake, etc. They are both just human. Therapists are taught to accept this and not to start faffing about with power. It will likely add confusion, and potentially cause emotional disruption if you add physicality into the mix. It might seem nice and all, but people subconsciously and consciously read into things which will change the dynamic of a fragile situation where broken trust can ruin minds and hearts. I think it is wrong of your therapist to think that you need this to sustain your relationship. She should be finding other ways to offer comfort and trust. For her own good and yours.

I hate hugging people who aren't my friends or family...makes me cringe!

I think it is wrong of your therapist to think that you need this to sustain your relationship.

But there are no such assumptions in "would you like a hug?" This is a therapeutic relationship - it's a straight question, not a manipulation.
Answering the question can be highly informative for the client, and for her process if she takes her discovery into the next session :)

FWIW, it's been normal in every working environment of mine to tell colleagues you need a hug, and get/give one. I understand this isn't normal for everyone, but it definitely is for a lot of people.

Hmm. I'm not sure. I think the assumption is there. I assume you might need a hug. I assume you might feel better if I offer a hug. I assume you might trust me more if I offer a hug. People's desires are fickle. There is a power relationship in giving/receiving a hug, even if you think it innocuous. Neither therapist nor client should add wood to that fire; it can easily get out of control.

Yes. It takes a gifted therapist to deliver the maximum appropriate emotional support while holding all boundaries as needed. Luckily, there are some of those about. Obviously I don't know OP, her therapist or her process. It might have been the wrong thing to do. I just didn't like the weight of negative judgement falling on her thread - this might have been absolutely the right thing to do, for this person at this time.

Whether it was or not, I very much hope missanxiety's learning things about herself from her feelings about it :)

its been normal in every working environment of mine to tell colleagues you need a hug, and get/give one. I understand this isn't normal for everyone, but it definitely is for a lot of people.

Having been and continue to be in therapy as mentioned above and also working in an environment when hugs are given as support, I can say that the situations are totally different. I can't describe how but they are totally different and you cant compare them. I would like to also add that I wasn't coming down negatively on the Op. I completely understand how difficult sessions can be and how wired and drained (emotionally and physically) you are after some sessions. Not all session are the same.