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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think they should have told us sooner

47 replies

4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:16

il's own a holiday chalet which we use. We are really grateful and feel fortunate to not have to pay for expensive term time breaks. We went there at the start of August for two weeks. shortly after returning home our 9 year old realised that an expensive item was missing. Older dt thought we had brought it home. so weeks od mainly me searching for iten ensued. Having checked everywhere we came to the concludion that it was either lost or still at chalet.
Now inlaws went down last Saturday and returned home today. they have just rung to say they found item. We are thrilled and have profusely thanked them.
However, I am still a little annoyed that they didn't phone when they found it. I have been very worried and stressed and also our 9 year old who is shall we say less favored with inlaws than 1st gc and toddler.
aibu to think we should have been told us when they found it.

OP posts:
MrsPiddlewink · 27/09/2014 13:18

Did they know that you had been looking for it? Did you ask them to look out for it?

theendoftheendoftheend · 27/09/2014 13:18

GYabu and over sensitive. 'Mountain' and 'molehill' springs to mind. Brew

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 27/09/2014 13:19

Yabu - they were on holiday.

Worried and stressed? What could a child have lost that would cause such angst?

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 13:21

Why is it there responsibility to ring you from their holiday?

Surely it was down to you to either phone or send a text, asking if they found it?

Maybe because you didn't bother, they didn't understand the urgency?

yellowdinosauragain · 27/09/2014 13:22

Yab massively unreasonable. Hth

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 13:22

*their

ILovePud · 27/09/2014 13:22

I think unless you specifically asked them to phone you as soon as they found it and emphasised how important this immediate notification was then, I think, yes your are being unreasonable. Maybe they only found it as they were leaving anyway.

HappyTalking · 27/09/2014 13:25

Sounds like a lot of drama about nothing to me. They found it and told you when they got back. YABU

magpiegin · 27/09/2014 13:26

Did they know you were looking for it ? What was the item?

BettyFocker · 27/09/2014 13:29

YABU.

They rang you as soon as they got home. How would ringing you any earlier have made a difference? You would still have to wait until they got back so you could get the item.

They were probably too busy enjoying their holiday and didn't think ringing you was a matter of urgency.

KatieKaye · 27/09/2014 13:36

You seem to be shifting the blame onto your inlaws. it isn't their fault your child was careless and they've let you know it is found. What more did you wnat?
TBH, the first thing I would have thought of was that the DC had left it behind and saved yourself all this searching. Not quite sure why you have so worried and stressed, unless this is an item essential to your DCs health, like an insulin pump. Or a toddler's beloved teddy.
Presumably 9 year old DC won't get the expensive item back until s/he shows s/he can look after it properly? Probably a good lesson in why not to give children expensive items until they are old enough to be careful and responsible

Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:36

it was a games console and they knew we were all worried and 9 year old was extremely upset.
Guess I am allowing previous incidents to cloud my judgement on this one.
Also maybe it is a different family thing. when my parents used to go on holiday or we were on holiday we would keep in touch by phone a few times. I guess everyone is different.

OP posts:
tinylttletrotters · 27/09/2014 13:38

Bloody hell , slight over reaction over a games console

Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:39

The problem was that the older two were adamant they had seen it at home. Otherwise we would have relaxed more.

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 27/09/2014 13:41

How do you know they didnt find it just as they were doing the tidying up for leaving?

YABU- it was one week. It was a games console not a family heirloom or vital medication. Stressing over a missing console is ridiculous.

Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:44

I guess it is possible they found it whilst leaving but they promised us they would search for it si I suppose I thought they would do it before now.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 27/09/2014 13:46

I still don't see how this is your ILs problem though. It's a games console - why were you all so worried about it??

KatieKaye · 27/09/2014 13:46

Flip, is that all?
How on earth did your DC manage to leave that behind?
Okay, expensive, but not essential to life. It's an entertainment device, nothing more. Certainly not something that a 9 year old can't live without for a few weeks. And not something that's easily overlooked either.

Hopefully it will have taught your DC a valuable lesson about taking personal responsibility - at 9 s/he should have made sure it was properly packed away before going home. I hope you're going to have a serious conversation about this - because you've so stressed, so worried, spent so much time searching high and low for the thing. None of which was your PILs fault.

Why do you feel your in-laws need to phone you when they are on holiday? they don't have to check in with you.

All this angst and casting blame onto your PIL when your DC was careless and left a games console behind is a bit worrying. Confiscate the thing for a couple of weeks and just let go of all the stress over nothing. And let your PIL lead their own lives.

insanityscratching · 27/09/2014 13:49

YABVU you are looking to shift the blame to your in laws when the responsibility lies with your dc. They phoned when they got home which I think is reasonable. I wouldn't be rushing to collect the console either so that your dc learns to take better care of expensive items.

Pipbin · 27/09/2014 13:50

Really - would you like a grip dear, I hear they are hard to get?

Ultimately your problem is that you think they prefer your other children over your 9 year old, the games console is a red herring.

Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:51

not really blaming them. obvioudly ds is the one in the wrong. Just feel that if it was dts property mil in particular would have been on the phone straight away.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 27/09/2014 13:54

So what you are saying is that you think the MIL doesn't like your 9 year old as much as her other grandchildren. That's really what this is about isn't it?

KatieKaye · 27/09/2014 13:55

I think that could be it, Pipbin.
It seems an awful song and dance about a child being careless and deflecting the blame on the poor grandparents.

If the console was so all-fired important and you needed to know where it was, why didn't you return to the chalet and look for it yourself? it as the logical thing to do. The fact that you didn't means you are VU to blame the PIL for not phoning the instant the thing was found after you had waited much longer to search the obvious place.

Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 13:57

yes pipbin you hit nail on the head. Middle child has some issues which they have been less than helpful over and they always take older dc's even when they are equally responsible.
Also treat them differently re gifts etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
4boys78 · 27/09/2014 14:01

chalet is 300 miles away for us so can't go just for a weekend.

OP posts:
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