to think they should have told us sooner

[4boys78]

il's own a holiday chalet which we use. We are really grateful and feel fortunate to not have to pay for expensive term time breaks. We went there at the start of August for two weeks. shortly after returning home our 9 year old realised that an expensive item was missing. Older dt thought we had brought it home. so weeks od mainly me searching for iten ensued. Having checked everywhere we came to the concludion that it was either lost or still at chalet.
Now inlaws went down last Saturday and returned home today. they have just rung to say they found item. We are thrilled and have profusely thanked them.
However, I am still a little annoyed that they didn't phone when they found it. I have been very worried and stressed and also our 9 year old who is shall we say less favored with inlaws than 1st gc and toddler.
aibu to think we should have been told us when they found it.

Your 9yr old could have rang and asked?

Why couldn't your 9yr old have rang and asked?
What an overreaction even if it's just a thought.

both dh and I had a conversation before we left re situation and il's promised to check. I don't ring il's myself as I have issues with mil in particular. I took silence to mean that they hadn't located it. Yes ds could have rung but I thinkhe is wary too as mil has said some horrible things in the past

i think the issues you have with your ils are reflected in your reaction to what seems like a pretty normal course of events.

Also maybe it is a different family thing. when my parents used to go on holiday or we were on holiday we would keep in touch by phone a few times. I guess everyone is different.

I don't ring il's myself as I have issues with mil in particular

Well that's confusing

Anyway, I'd just be happy it's been found. I'm sure your child is delighted.

You are right green.

So the console was so important you were stressed, worried and searching for weeks.
But it was not so important that you would drive to the chalet for it.

I get that this isn't really about the console, but how you think they treat DC. Only I don't think PIL did anything wrong at all.

You mentioned that DC has "some issues" and that MIL has said "some horrible things in the past". Were they to DC directly? It sounds terrible but of course depends of circumstance - eg if DC has a habit of being careless and leaving things all over the place and MIL saying s/he needs to take better care of things. I hope MIL is not blatantly cruel in her treatment of DC, but could it be that she responds better to your other children who are more openly affectionate with her?

When my mum was alive we used to speak on the phone almost daily so would ring each other when one of uss was on holiday. wheras dh rarely rings his mum unless they have something specific to discuss and I Ionly do it if absolutely necessary.

he has some issues or speciall needs which she is quite dismissive of and makes him feel like he is just inadequate and that other dc have mastered this development milestone so he shoul too.

a 600 mile round trip is not something I can do sadly with 4 dc to look after. dh who had a more priveledge upbring was not so concerned.

I totally get that you feel MIL treats one child less fairly than the others (always upsetting, but given you've said that phone contact is sporadic and the console had been missing for a while, why did you expect them to phone about it? You were stressed and worried about it, so didn't that constitute "absolutely necessary"? Or your DH could have phoned.

You might have many real grievances about your MIL, but this isn't one of them. If you have to choose your battles, chose them wisely.

what does your DH feel about this? Does he think DC 9 is treated less favourably, and if so, why does he think they do this?

dh doesn't really see unfairness and I think he is less than patient with our middle child too. He is away with work alot so doesn't have to deal with day to day stuff.
Although tbf dh is quite short tempereded with all our dc.
maybe this issue will resolve itself in time when they all become ex.

tempered

Those other issues sound pretty horrible OP, I can see why they upset you and how easy it is for things like this is to taint perspective on all other actions, maybe their favouritism was a factor here, maybe it wasn't, but don't waste anymore energy dwelling on it.

thank you. No, not dwelling on it. Will put it behind me.

you sound quite lonely, 4boys. And rather unhappy. I'm not sure if you mean you and DH are going to part?

What help does DC9 get with his needs? Is DH in denial about this?

Is there anyone in RL you can talk to about how you feel? I know you said your DM was dead and it sounds as if you miss her very much. Sorry if I'm asking too many questions here, but didn't want to just leave the thread hanging.

This isn't the topic for this thread, if I were you I'd get it moved or hide it.

It's about a lot more than a games consol and the essence of what you are saying is very sad.

I hope they are all 'ex' soon.

Look after yourself OK
x

4boys:
Maybe you should start a thread in Relationships about your 'D'H.
You don't sound very happy.

Best wishes to you.

thank you. yes I was thinking the same that aibu is the wrong place. I do feel unsupported and I am at home looking after dc today and dh not due back till tomorrow.

I wouldn't worry for weeks about a games console. You have bigger issues, try not to sweat the small stuff.

Hope you can start to talk about the bigger issues in your life and get some support, 4boys.

Sometimes life is quite a grind, isn't it? I think we all need advice and support from time to time about family and relationship stuff. The Relationships board on MN is very good, if you'd like to try it.