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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you stick with what has been arranged first?

33 replies

Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:03

Ok petty one but want to see what others think.

Me and DP are sitting in the house doing nothing, we were supposed to be going the trafford centre today but our other friend cancelled so it's been rearranged.

As we are both doing nothing I suggested to partner that we go shopping locally, they said yes and wanted to go also.

20 mins later partner gets asked to go watch the football and so now wants to do that instead. I've told them to go but said that I'm upset that I've basically been fucked off and left in the house with the baby while they go out after we have already arranged to do something together.

Partner argues that it's only shopping and can be rearranged and that they wanted to watch the football but had no one to go with until after we had arranged to go out.

If when I asked about going out they said no because they wanted to watch the football that would be fine, I just think you stick with what has been arranged first and feel like I've been shoved aside because a better offer has come up.

How would other people feel in the same situation?

OP posts:
Thereistoomuchconfusion · 27/09/2014 13:11

I would feel the same as you.

ILovePud · 27/09/2014 13:19

I'd feel snubbed too, but can you use it as leverage and arrange something for yourself with DP on babysitting duties?

Username12345 · 27/09/2014 13:19

Sounds like the shopping was because you had nothing better to do and wanted to fill time. He got an opportunity to do something fun. Fair play.

I'd be fine with him going and find something I want to do.

HKat · 27/09/2014 13:24

I would be annoyed that my plans for the day in general have fallen through, but I do agree there's a huge difference between going shopping somewhere local (which can be whenever) and going to the football. So I wouldn't be Annoyed at partner. Can't you go go shopping yourself today to get out of the house and then do something together tomorrow?

HKat · 27/09/2014 13:25
  • Can you, not can't you. Can't sounded aggressive which wasn't intended, sorry!
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/09/2014 13:27

Meh....shopping was a default as you were both at a loose end. Just do something yourself with the baby?

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:29

Sorry should have added also that partner is not the type who watches football all the time and never misses a match so it isn't like the football is really important for them to watch. When we arranged trafford centre today they didn't say they would rather another day as football is on or anything.

Secondly I can't do anything else as I have the baby to care for now and partner has taken the car meaning I am stuck in (rural location with nothing locally accessible).

Like I said it isn't the issue of going out, it's the making plans with me and then dropping them when something better comes up.

Then they felt guilty for going but got annoyed that I wasn't reassuring them not to feel guilty as I should want them to go and enjoy themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:33

Those that wouldn't mind their partner taking the better offer, at what point would that stop being ok? While you were getting ready to go out together (as it was in my case)? Once you were in the car? When you had actually arrived?

OP posts:
ladymariner · 27/09/2014 13:35

Well to be fair, I'd probably be a bit put out but wouldn't blame him, shopping isn't exactly high on his wish list of things to do and add to that a baby and the fact it's Saturday so it will be really busy, then I don't blame him for going to watch the football, I'd do the same if I was him.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 27/09/2014 13:42

Why do you refer to your partner as 'they' and 'them'? Do you have several?!

Username12345 · 27/09/2014 13:45

While you were getting ready to go out together (as it was in my case)?

I'd carry on getting ready and go out myself.

Once you were in the car?

I'd tell him to drop me into town.

When you had actually arrived?

I can shop by myself.

TBF I'd be jealous I didn't have anything half as exciting to do. But I'm able to function on my own. Not sure why people take it so personally when partners want to do their own thing.

MrsGoslingWannabe

I think it's to keep the partners sex ambiguous.

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:45

Sorry I'm using they and them to hide the gender as it may influence responses. Just the one partner though!

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 27/09/2014 13:45

tbh, I think it really depends on the situation.

In the one you describe, I wouldn't be bothered. It is more that you were looking for something to do than had actual plans (iyswim). We are at a loose end, is there anything we can do. In that circumstance, it wouldn't bother me. She could bugger off and I'd shop happily by myself or I'd bin it and enjoy a day downloading box sets of crappy tv shows Grin

if, ohoh, you had made actual plans and were looking forward to something and then your partner said oh, forget that, so and so invited me to this instead, I'd be fairly hacked off with her Grin

Is this a one off or does she habitually cancel things if other people invite her out? Because obviously that's going to affect how you feel.

SpringBreaker · 27/09/2014 13:46

I think the partner is a female, though why on earth the OP is going to such lengths to disguise this I have no idea.. does it make any difference?

Vitalstatistix · 27/09/2014 13:46

or him, sorry for assumptions.

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:47

Username - you're forgetting there is only one car! I can't keep getting ready as they have taken the car. If they dropped me off on the way then I have no way to get home and if we were out and they went I would have to come home as well for the same reason.

You can't go anywhere in our town without a car and we only have one which they have taken.

OP posts:
Username12345 · 27/09/2014 13:48

Taxi, buses.. etc.?

What do you do when you both have to go to different places?

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:51

Yes partner is female, as am I. Thought it may influence responses to declare the gender, but it shouldn't make a difference as others have said.

Anyway I accept I'm proberly unreasonable, it's more annoyance at now being stuck in on one of my few days off uni that's bothering me more.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 27/09/2014 13:52

tbh, I really would have said fine, if you want to go and watch the football with your mate, then go, we weren't doing much anyway, but put. the. car. keys. down. Grin

The friend could pick them up. Or they could make their own way.

That would be my condition. Leave me with the car and I'll do something else. But you don't 'trap' me in the house.

(I'm assuming that there is no good public transport where you are or it isn't an option for other reasons)

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/09/2014 13:52

So if you dont have the car, do you literally just sit in all day every day?!

Vitalstatistix · 27/09/2014 13:53

it wasn't really hard to crack your code, Lezprechaun. Grin

if anything, there's fewer LTB if both parties are female Wink

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:54

Username - public transport is a nightmare in this area! It's very rural.

If we go different places then one will usually be at home. I can't think of a single occasion we have both been 'out' in different places actually unless I'm at uni in which case I get the train but that's going into a large city so much easier.

Taxi would be possible if I have a car seat, which I don't as it's fixed in the car, but would cost a fortune as when I say local I mean less than 30 mins / 1 hour drive. It's a tiny village town where we live so a car really is essential.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:57

I did ask for the car vital so me and the baby could still go out but she needed it as friend had already left and it's too far to not take it. That's when she started stropping round the house saying fine I won't go so I just said take the bloody car then in the end.

OP posts:
Username12345 · 27/09/2014 13:59

I can't think of a single occasion we have both been 'out' in different places actually

This would have been one of those times.
Can't you get a cheapo second car?

My issue would be the dependance rather than partner buggering off to the football.

Original poster
Lezprechaun · 27/09/2014 13:59

And yes hacked that's what generally happens. Although as a student midwife it's rare I'm actually at home so isn't usually an issue as I get the train and she has the car to do what she wants with the baby. It's only because I've got a few days off now that it is a pain as I don't want to waste these few days siting in the house and she wants to continue doing what she would normally do if I wasn't here.

OP posts:
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