Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is not too much to ask of DS?

40 replies

CheerfulYank · 27/09/2014 00:05

He is seven. DD is almost 16 months and a little monkey. It's almost impossible to do anything with her clinging to me and getting into everything.

I've asked DS to play with her while I make dinner. It's the worst time of day; kids hungry, dog getting underfoot, DH not home yet, etc etc.

He is having an absolute fit about it. Hmm He had two and a half hours to play after school, and I am just asking him to watch her for a half hour while I throw some soup together.

I know I could make more slow cooker meals, etc and avoid the issue, and I do quite often. But I also feel (and have explained this to him) that we are a family and we all need to pitch in.

I'm dead on my feet (very early days of a surprise pregnancy :) ) and tbh I'm quite irritated with him. He's tantruming like I asked him to go down a coal mine rather than read a few rounds of "That's Not My Puppy" to his sister. Hmm

My mother called and I said I had to go deal with the kids and gave her a brief outline. She said "oh well he's too little!" Really? I can see them, he isn't babysitting, he's just keeping her occupied.

Aibu?

OP posts:
hollie84 · 27/09/2014 00:07

I don't think so. My 4 yo is expected to "watch" the baby when I need him to.

AlpacaMyBags · 27/09/2014 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWinnibago · 27/09/2014 00:17

See I was like you then my sister pointed out that it's not the job of my children to watch the younger ones. I am torn on it. I do think siblings need to learn responsibility but on the other hand he is only 7 and she is a baby really.

stealthsquiggle · 27/09/2014 00:24

Hmm. I think I would approach it slightly differently. 7 is old enough, IME, to get the concept of teamwork. Given that, I think I would approach it as "OK, DS, you can choose not to play with/amuse/tolerate your sister. If you make that choice, I have to be with her, and I can't cook at the same time, so we will have to have [insert thing DS doesn't like] for dinner. If, OTOH, we work as as a team and you keep DSis amused while I cook, we could have [insert thing DS really likes] instead"

...and stand back, cross everything and hope for the best.

At 7, my DC1 was very susceptible to the "teamwork" bullshit argument.

sunbathe · 27/09/2014 00:31

Could you have her in a high chair in the kitchen, playing with stuff or chewing on a breadstick?

Make dinner earlier so the kids aren't as hungry, put the dog outside/in his crate?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 27/09/2014 00:32

I did try that Stealth though not in those exact terms. That's a good idea, I will try.

Now that he's calmed down and eating his soup we will talk again later. :)

Mrs I agree to an extent. Like the Duggars where the older ones practically raise the little ones! But on the other hand I really believe kids these days (and I never did anything as a kid, so not just these days!) have no sense of responsibility and I would like to instill this in DS.

OP posts:
TinyTearsFirstLove · 27/09/2014 00:37

I know of a family that expects their 4 yo to watch their 16 month old for 5 mins or so. The 4 yo rises to the challenge and knows to call for help is the baby does anything dangerous like try to get up on the sofa.

30 mins might be a bit long for a 7 yo, maybe 15-20 mins. I would be selling it as 'family helps each other. If you can't help Mummy, then Mummy won't have time to do nice things for you'. My 5 yo gets that message!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 27/09/2014 00:37

She won't stay in her high chair Sunbathe. She is extremely slippery and if strapped in or restrained to the point where she can't get out of something, she will scream bloody murder. She has always hated to be restrained, but recently she had to have stitches in and then removed, and ever since she had to be held down for that, it makes her hysterical.

I think it's partly my issue. Then seven year old is so lovely, he really is, but he doesn't pick up after himself at all unless nagged (not even to put wrappers in the bin or his plate in the sink) and DH is bad at this too.

The house is a tip most of the time and I'm just so tired, and I need help. :( Obviously this is DH's concern far, far more than DS's, but I feel that we all need to pull together as a team.

OP posts:
TeracottaTurtle · 27/09/2014 00:38

He's not too young to occupy her...too young to babysit, yes, but that's not what's happening.

I used to ask ds1 to 'watch' ds2 when ds1 was 3 and ds2 was 1.

stealthsquiggle · 27/09/2014 00:41

It's a hard one. I have been known to use the phrase "who died and made you the parent?" when dc1 leaps down the throat of dc2 for something that he would absolutely have done at the same age or significantly older Blush. OTOH, I do want/ expect them to take some responsibility for each other. You can't win.

I have clearly gone wrong somewhere though. It's dc2 who is more likely to worry about dc1 than the other way around, whether it is falling over in the garden or looking knackered to the point of throwing up after a cross-country run at school, it's dc2 doing the worrying.

[disclaimer: if DS ever saw anyone really picking on his little sister he would be in there abandoning his peaceful principles so fast that no one would know what had happened. Fortunately for all concerned, this scenario has yet to arise]

Ticklemonster897 · 27/09/2014 00:44

I would be happy to give the 7 year old jobs round the house but I wouldn't force the child to take responsibility for a sibling as it could cause long term resentment.

sunbathe · 27/09/2014 01:22

I think I'd go the playpen route then, if she can't climb out, with some toys special to the playpen.

deakymom · 27/09/2014 07:02

playpen is probably the best idea my five year old watches the 18 month old sometimes but if he throws a hissy fit i take the 18 month old away (then he howls tea is late but my reply is usually well if you had been NICE to your brother.....Grin)

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/09/2014 07:26

OP

Do you not see the link here?

Your husband drops crap on the floor
Your child sees this and follows his lead
And yet it's your husband that gets upset about it and it then becomes your problem.

What other behaviours is your son getting from his dad that becomes your problem to manage? Does he regularly watch your daughter or is this your problme as well?

Mama1980 · 27/09/2014 07:33

I have a 6 year old and 2 under 2 if he didn't watch/amuse his brother and sister occasionally I'd never move. Fortunately for me he takes his role as big brother ver seriously and just loves them, in fact will always choose to play with them even if there are other options.
If I make the request though I always phrase it as teamwork, complete with high fives and the promise of a extra story later on, he loves the idea that we are a team and he can really help me rather than just playing at it.

mynewpassion · 27/09/2014 07:33

I recommend play pen route, too. 30 minutes is a long time for a seven year old to watch a 16 month old even if you are just in the next room. They might get distracted or bored.

At least with the play pen, you have a bit more control of the situation and DS is less relied upon. He still has some responsibilities but its cushioned responsibilities and doable.

Only1scoop · 27/09/2014 07:33

I'd be getting 7 year old trained up in picking up after himself....rubbish and plates included....infact he could be clearing the kitchen!!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 27/09/2014 08:09

Funky DH doesn't get upset about it. I do.

Only1 I agree. I'm cleaning now (at 2 a.m., I can't sleep) and I've just noticed his art stuff everywhere, jeans on the floor, etc, etc. Arghhhhh!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 27/09/2014 08:18

The house is a tip most of the time and I'm just so tired, and I need help. sad Obviously this is DH's concern far, far more than DS's,

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 27/09/2014 08:21

Oh sorry! No, I meant it is DH's problem, as in, his job to help me rather than DS's. :) But I want DS to learn some responsibility too.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 27/09/2014 08:26

This is bringing back memories
NDN and 4 year old out in garden and she is hanging out the washing. Asks her DS to pop inside and check on the baby (asleep in living room)
DS heaves huge sigh, shrugs shoulders dramatically and turns to go inside, while making his feelings clear by saying "that bloody baby" in martyred tones.
Cue NDN and I trying not to wet ourselves laughing.

SaucyJack · 27/09/2014 08:29

I wouldn't (and don't) make my 7&9 year olds look after their baby sister if they don't want to. It was my choice to have her and so I see it as my responsibility to look after her.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/09/2014 08:39

No, I meant it is DH's problem, as in, his job to help me rather than DS'

It is not his job to help you love. Surely, it is his family too? It would be partly his job to do household tasks as he lives there too. Not to help you.

I'd start with getting him to clear his own droppings up first. Your son is just copying him.

And yes of course kids can look after the younger ones. That's part of the training of how to be a decent human being.

BorisBaby · 27/09/2014 08:41

DC3 nearly one (in 6 days Grin) will often be watched by DD1 (6 tomorrow Grin) I'll be in the other room doing something. My best friend when I was growing up was always looking after her younger sisters everyday from the age of 9 I've always said that my DC will never babysit their younger siblings but there is a huge difference between watching a child whilst parents are around and been in sole charge. DD1 loves 'looking' after DD3 though, dinner needed cooking and your DS is old enough to play with his Dsis.

DaisyFlowerChain · 27/09/2014 08:43

I disagree with older siblings having to look after younger ones too. It causes problems long term and they have no say in how many younger ones come along etc. They are not their responsibility.