to think this is not too much to ask of DS?

[CheerfulYank]

He is seven. DD is almost 16 months and a little monkey. It's almost impossible to do anything with her clinging to me and getting into everything.

I've asked DS to play with her while I make dinner. It's the worst time of day; kids hungry, dog getting underfoot, DH not home yet, etc etc.

He is having an absolute fit about it. He had two and a half hours to play after school, and I am just asking him to watch her for a half hour while I throw some soup together.

I know I could make more slow cooker meals, etc and avoid the issue, and I do quite often. But I also feel (and have explained this to him) that we are a family and we all need to pitch in.

I'm dead on my feet (very early days of a surprise pregnancy :) ) and tbh I'm quite irritated with him. He's tantruming like I asked him to go down a coal mine rather than read a few rounds of "That's Not My Puppy" to his sister.

My mother called and I said I had to go deal with the kids and gave her a brief outline. She said "oh well he's too little!" Really? I can see them, he isn't babysitting, he's just keeping her occupied.

Aibu?

YANBU.

"Play with your sister for half an hour" is a million miles away from expecting your ds to be a carer.

I believe that children are part of a family and should have to 'muck in' to help with family commitments. It is good for children to learn some responsibility from a young age and keeping an eye on a younger sister, by reading to her, playing a simple game or watching tv is hardly having sole responsibility is it?

But I agree it can be a constant battle, my 13 year old DS still has a hissy fit when I ask him to strip his bed, do his homework without constant reminders or pick his clothes up from the floor. I said to him the other day, 'I have been saying the same thing to you for over 10 years, why is it so hard to listen and do as you are asked'. .

I hope you got some sleep

• encourage DH and DS to tidy up as they go. So while they are getting changed say 'will you put your dirty clothes in the laundry and hang clean stuff over the chair'. Stick anything left out in one big pile for them to sort out when they are next able.

• write a rota. Make DS responsible for loading the dishwasher and wiping the table after tea. Ask DH to be in charge of laundry and/or floors

Doing house jobs - great. Yes work as a team.

Forcing a child to look after a sibling will cause resentment. If you can make it happen more naturally then do.

Just realised that it might have looked as though I was responding to your typo, MrsDeVere. I knew what you meant. :)

Thing is though, if you leave him "responsible" for his sibling, he gets momentarily distracted, and an accident happens on his watch?

That is the sole reason I never left dc1 in charge of dc 2. I may have nipped to the loo saying to call me if needed, but imo 15-20 mins is too long. Long enough for a 16m old to get themselves in a dangerous situation, and 7 year olds don't have the foresight to anticipate the consequences of climbing on the sofa, or playing with a skipping rope.

Hello Yanky

I don't think yabu but perhaps a little unrealistic as it's turning into a battle which in itself isn't helpful to you.

Start training ds now, so when he drops something and leaves it, ask him to pick it up straight away. Same with cups and plates, he's old enough to clear the table. I would concentrate on those sort of specific jobs rather than 'watch your sister.' I remember being asked to do the same and mum being seriously cross when my sister painted her face (we were painting/drawing at the time) I hadn't even noticed dsis had got paint every where.

I used to sit ds in his high chair-strapped in do he couldn't get out or in the play pen, iirc I used the slow cooker a LOT to avoid finger time drama.

Good luck x

Finger time drama? I meant DINNER, stupid phone auto correct...

Hi Diane :)

Funky no, I know that. "Help me" wasn't the best term! Obviously it's his house and his children and he is as responsible for them as I am. However he's gone 10 hours a day and I'm home; if our positions were reversed I'd expect to do most of the things at home. I'm not going to pick up after him though!

I'm not really concerned about accidents. Our house is small so I'm right there and the area is fairly well child proofed. I just want him to play with her so she's not hanging on me while I'm trying to cook. :)

I think yanbu. I remember helping out when my (4.5 years younger) sister was a baby. Fetching and carrying etc. Definitely worth working on the tidyness now.

No YANBU. I get Ds1 to help entertain Ds2 while I'm cooking or doing laundry or other stuff where Ds2 would get underfoot/be in relative danger, and he's a bit younger than your DS.

Do you have child gates to block off the kitchen? I have the kitchen completely fenced off because we have a gas oven and DS2 is a button pusher and that really really helps - that way at least Ds1 doesn't have to physically contain DS2 at all, just help keep him happy. :)

I don't think older children should be asked to look after younger children. He should be expected to play nicely and read to his sibling. My seven year old is expected to pick up after himself (make bed, put his dirty clothes in the washing machine etc). I wouldn't leave my 14 mo niece and him in a room together for 1/2 hour. I do what I would have when ds was the same age. I would never leave a DC of that age toddling about in a room alone and would take her with me.