Thank you all for taking the time to post and continue to argue amongst yourselves
LittleBairn - In an ordinary lesson, you can have 10 children with armbands to one teacher and so 2:12 (or 1:6) to ensure the safety of ALL of the 24 children rather than having 1:4 and 1:12 and evidently not being able to ensure their safety - it's a no-brainer for me.
I had a good chat with DS. He told me all about the swimming lesson as we walked home from school. To encourage them to swim better, it seems that they were racing in pairs down the pool. DS wanted to win and went to pull the girl out of his way, in doing so, he pushed her under the water. I told him that he has to miss next week. He's disappointed. When we got home, he sat with me and we talked about the possible outcomes of her being under the water. We talked about pool safety. We agreed that when he goes swimming after school on a Tuesday if he does not exhibit water safety then he cannot go on a Thursday with school. I will speak to both his swimming teacher and the HT about this when I can bear to talk to her again
DS says that his homework is to write a letter to the swimming teacher apologising for his behaviour. I'm afraid the only letter I'll be asking to her is to say "sorry for getting you done by the HT".
I've chatted tonight with a mum from school with autistic DS - HT was very accommodating with her and her DS as he had a statement before he came to school. She says that HT is the SENCO fucking excellent She's advised contacting Parent Partnership for someone to assist me with the HT.
So basically, the history is that at nursery, DS was allowed to run around all day everyday. They never mentioned any problems except for a few incidents over the 4 years that he was there. I assumed that as they weren't bothered, why should I be? They're the professionals - surely if something was "wrong" they'd say, that is why I'm paying them £45 a day....
Started school and I put his behaviour down to going from zero boundaries at nursery to suddenly having lots of boundaries and rules at school. Teacher was very negative and did not have a clue about what to do with DS. HT shouted a lot. HT made him wet himself from shouting at him so much. Class teacher recommended that I approach SureStart as they can help with challenging behaviour and she clearly had no idea what to do with him. SureStart began positive play. HT left and Class teacher became Acting Head. She still remained very negative and seemed exasperated even first thing on a Monday and so I chose to move him. This was May half term.
DS started new school and though I did not necessarily like his teachers, he knew a lot of the children from nursery and generally being a kid in our town and he was much happier.
At the end of reception, school referred him to Ed Psyc and School Health. Saw School Health in September and Ed Psyc discussed DS with HT but would not do formal assessment. SureStart continued positive play.
DS has teacher with only 1 or 2 years teaching experience who tries softly softly approach. The class went wild. DS is put on his own table when disruptive and allowed to sit out on his own during certain parts of the timetable when he would be too disruptive to manage.
Behaviour Support observed DS and gave recommendations. DS to have more 1-2-1 time with an adult.
SureStart to stop positive play as it is detrimental to DS as he is too excited to see her and so needs calming down afterwards to get back into the classroom.
Recommendations given by BS are working well. Another visit to school health - everything is looking quite positive.
Recommendations given by BS no longer effective. HT says that DS is having too much 1-2-1 time. This needs to stop.
BS observed DS again and gave more recommendations.
BS and SureStart have completed reports/tests that suggest that DS has low self-esteem and that his behaviour is a mask for that. BS suggests applying for some funding to give DS some 1-2-1 during assembly time every day to promote self-worth etc.
SureStart (who is co-coordinating CAF meetings) chases HT re this funding application for 6-8 weeks.
CB and HT announce that there is no point applying for funding as we would never have been awarded it with it being quite "low level" stuff.
Had to ask HT to get Breakfast Club to offer wholegrain cereal rather than Chocolate Crisps FFS.
July - Visit with school health. Referral to Pediatrician. Recommendation to have Positive Play with SureStart, explained school's reservations and spoke about having a male worker rather than yet more women.
September - SureStart hands case over to MAT Team (with male workers, hurrah!) who are going to arrange to meet DS and begin irregular (crazy workload) sessions with DS. Appointment with Pediatrician comes through.
HT seems to struggle to have a normal conversation. She is abrupt and generally has no people skills. She is also the SENCO worker for the school. I have always supported her 100% because, though she does not seem able to come across well, she has always acted in DS's best interests and although he is like he is, he also has a lot of good traits and is a well liked child.
One of the main reasons why I moved his school was that his teacher did not seem to 1. Know what to do with him 2. Like him at all.
At this school, although we've had our conversations over the last 18 months, HT has always ended meetings on a positive even if it's just been a "well, we'll keep on trying with him" - just something I didn't get that today. I didn't even get a Goodbye or a "thank you for your time". Yes, DS should not have touched the girl's body while he was swimming past her - the issue is not just about her going under the water, but respecting her body is her own and that you don't push people out of your way. I did not want to sound although I was telling HT how to do her job but simply stating that I was shocked at the actual facts ie that there was 1 teacher to 12 easily excitable children at one end and 3 to 12 in the other group - it would have made more sense to me for the ratios in each group to be 2 to 12 at least for this first lesson to ensure they settled in correctly, that silliness was quickly kept in check and that the children were shown what was expected of them and when they had proved themselves, then remove that extra supervision rather than the other way around.
I was also unaware that it was in the afternoon as I either was not told or did not read the letter properly. HT told me that they "may as well go home" on Thursday & Friday afternoons as DS's behaviour deteriorates so much at these times. She admitted that actually, most of Friday is a challenge. When I spoke to her about it this morning, she retorted "huf, when is a good time for DS?"
I also do not understand some of the things that she asks DS to do. She once told him to score how well the morning had gone out of 10 - totally inappropriate IMO.
She spoke today about asking DS to promise to behave. As Mary Poppins would say "that's a shortcrust promise - easy to make and easy to break". I don't like promises. In my experience, they usually relate to things that definitely will not ever happen. I really do avoid making them to DS and I think that it's a bad habit to get into. But, with little thought, DS would quite happily sit and promise her what ever she wants to hear but after the exciting walk to the pool, the exciting taking shoes off, the exciting getting changed, the exciting wait by the pool - the promise is soon forgotten. When I told her "what he needs is supervision" what I really wanted was for her to look at the situation realistically. Realistically, asking DS to "promise to behave" is not going to make him behave. In fact, even using just the phrase "behave" would do Fuck. All. My mission for the next 2 weeks is to regularly chat with him about pool safety, the importance of proving himself at the Tuesday lessons. No splashing, no touching other bodies, no putting floats in the water, no running, getting into the pool safely and getting out quickly - and then the praise and encouragement when he does manage, the thumbs up through the glass and the smiles and the winks. But he knows the Rules now and this actually may have been a good wake up call for both us (me and the DS) and the pool who also commented that some teachers let them get away with more