To think it's not my fault that ex didn't get to see the children before his holiday?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

He's going away tonight.

He texted me this morning at 7 30 am. I didn't see the message until 8 15 because I was busy getting the kids ready for school.

He wanted to come and see them. I said no, they didn't have time. They needed to finish getting ready for school.

He will remember this

For background info he recently didn't the see children for 2 weeks and spoke to them only once during this time. He refuses to have them at his overnight. He last saw them (after a week of no contact) on Monday. He messaged while I was at the shop asking if he could come round. The children replied. He then waited until they were in bed and started crying because I wouldn't give him money.

AIBU to think if seeing them before he left was that important he would have made sensible arrangements to do so at a time convenient for us?

you know the answer

but i'll remind you

he's a plum, YANBU

I know he's a plum. I do feel bad though. I'd be devastated if I didn't get to see them before going away. Though otoh I wouldn't dream about not seeing them for a fortnight either. We were already running late. Ex turning up would've made them both late.

I feel a bit bad for dd2 too. Although I told her on the way to school that he was going away today. She didn't appear to be upset or bothered in anyway. I think she is getting used to not hearing from him for long periods of time.

you shouldn't feel bad for the way he's choosing to treat the DCs

just think, while he's away you can all have a break from him letting them down

He's made his bed. If he made an effort at times when the kids and you weren't busy getting ready to go to school then he'd have been able to see them. Don't feel guilty. If he felt guilty he have bothered seeing them before now.

All he needed to do was text the day before and you could have got them up earlier. It's not rocket science!

A grown man should be able to see the consequences of actions, sadly seemingly not in this case.

He could have saw them last night. He knew we were home. He went to his mum's instead.

Funny you should say that, Puppet, I was wondering whether this was deliberate so he'd have another reason to bitch about me to his friends and family. I am evil personified in their eyes.

He sounds like my ex!

I agree with PP that he might have left it too late on purpose. So that he can tell himself he 'tried' when actually he knew full well he want going to.

My ex does things like that, or pretends to get the time wrong so that when I give him the correct time (eg for school things) he can say he can't do that but of course he would have done if was the time he thought (when I've always told him the right time in the first place.) It's like a game because he knows he is doing wrong by them but makes up rubbish to justify it as that's easier than actually being a grown up and taking responsibility or admitting he just can't be bothered.

He is an adult, the DC are your responsibility, he is not. Don't feel bad at all. You are not responsible for his relationship with his children, that's firmly on his shoulders only.

He is trying to deflect his guilt onto you. Don't let him and try to enjoy not having to deal with it for a while when he is away.

His sister is gutting the place for him while he is away. He still thinks it's all my fault.

She's wasting her time and money, imo. It'll be back to how it was when she started within 6 months.

He couldn't possibly sully his precious hands with anything as crass as cleaning up after himself.

She's also paying to make much needed repairs. His mum is paying for his holiday. That or he's had savings all along and hid them from me

I shouldn't care what his family think but I do. It's also winding me up no end that the house is being repaired now, after I spent years living in misery whilst begging him to make repairs, organising estimates, sourcing materials only for him to then refuse to then anyone in yo actually do the work.

I know I shouldn't care. He could turn his house into a palace and he'd still be a nasty miserable twat.

I'm attempting to rise above it. I need my Internet access cut off and my phone taken away.

Why do you care?

Cross post but I really don't see why you're bothered

Is this the ex you were going to have live with you after some accident? Did that ever happen? If so, surely he understands the morning routine?

He stayed for 2 weeks, Nero, whined constantly and I then I found out he'd been calling me to his co - workers for not doing enough for him

I asked him to leave and let him know any friendship we had was now over and to contact me again unless it was directly relating to the children. It was then that he started being a twat re access. He used to have them over night when I worked. That stopped. Luckily my family, who are freaking awesome, stepped up.

That's when he disappeared for 2 weeks.

I don't know why I care. I know I shouldn't. But I do. I need to stop caring and just be glad the tosser is finally someone else's problem.

I thought he had broken arms or something?

You know he is been unreasonable if you had said yes he would of got delayed.

I can completely understand the annoyance but you simply do need to distance yourself from anything he is doing. The less information you know the better. Keep any contact to about the kids.

Once you let go what Ex does annoys you far less.

He does but they didn't put casts on because needs to move them as much as possible to recover properly.

He can do light cooking, cleaning (arf) and wash himself, so he's back home now.

YANBU. Very irritating. Try to rise above it and not let the children see you're annoyed.

Nothing extra to add except and as ever DOoin -

You've come so far since you finally turfed the useless cocklodger out!

I can relate to this. My ex is a useless timekeeper & I do get upset for DS if he's late for things - for example his first day if school

Yesterday I had ds's (19 and autistic in residential care) annual review. I'd told the exh when it was but he said he couldn't come because he had to be somewhere else. He was very non-committal about where the 'somewhere else' was and what was more important than our son's care. But I suspect that was because he was off drinking with one of his mates again. 4 years ago this would have resulted in me being furious as exh isn't working and has plenty of time to rearrange his social life.

These days I just roll my eyes. One day, D0oin, you'll be able to just roll your eyes at him too. Your girls will see him for the waste of space he is and he will be a sad, lonely old git who lives in squalor. Dd doesn't really bother with her dad any more, which is a bit sad, but it is his own fault for being such a selfish twat for her entire life.

Dd1 can already see him for what he is. She hasn't seem him properly since he stayed here. The first day he turned back up here she almost slammed the door in his face. It was only because he had dd2 with him that she didn't.

Dd2 only ever sees the good in people.

So who wiped his arse when he disappeared for two weeks?

I assume his sister or his mum for the first few days/week, after that he should have been able to manage himself, going on how he was recovering while he was here.