To think this is bullying

[HollyBerryLaneNW3]

DS has just started YR 7. He may have an ASD and his new school are aware of my concerns. Whether he has Aspergers, an ASD or not, he's very socially immature and struggles to make friends.
He's been telling everyone in his class that he thinks a girl in his class is pretty. Apparently a group of girls then persuaded him to ask her out by telling him that she fancied him. He did ask her out on the back of it and she said no.
Today another girl mimicked to him that she loves him. He went over to ask if she really meant it and she said she was only joking.
Am I wrong to think this is bullying?
I mentioned it to the head of form tonight who said the girls didn't mean any harm.

Thanks please

Your sons behaviour was inappropriate when the girl clearly didn't like him. Not sure why you accept that yet expect allowances to be made for him.

Also I just want to add that I obviously don't know how this girl felt about this. She might not be bothered about it.

But I think it's unfair to assume that there is no way she could have felt bothered or intimidated about it IYSWIM.

FFS, is this really bullying? Kids that age (and much younger in my experience) have these sorts of conversations. That is part of the transition from childhood to adulthood. Please help your son take it in his stride. There will never be an age when people stop 'taking the mickey' even adults do it all the time.

This all slams me back in time. It really does. OP I know of what you speak, and you're right - it is bullying.
I will concede that bowlers may have a point. Telling 'everyone' he thinks she's pretty could well have made the girl uncomfortable. Bowlers has been rather abrasive in her delivery, but what she says is essentially right.
However, when these other girls capitalised on the situation, and humiliated him for their own entertainment - that's when it became nasty.

Yes, there is an element of 'he started it' here, which does matter.
I appreciate that he has/may have ASD and therefore struggle with social behaviour, but that isn't a free pass to behave in ways which may cause distress to others. The girl and her friends may have been attempting to 'pay him back' because he made her feel uncomfortable.
Sounds like the whole class need a little talk on not teasing each other andnot harassing each other, either.

My DS is a possible ASD as well, and I am hyper-aware of the need to remind him of boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

Thanks (a little) pictish

Not quite sure my pov should warrant me being called an ignorant cow but I'll let it stand so people can discuss.

Who on earth have you reported and what for?

Bowler I'm with you! I hope your post stays. OP you were very rude.

Sorry but I really do think this sounds like ordinary little 11year old girl teasing rather than bullying. It might be appropriate for someone to have a word with them to point out they are being a bit mean, but I think it would be OTT to expect the full anti bullying mechanism to swing in to force just yet. Just as it is OTT to call someone a cow for daring to point out that it might be in your son's interests to give him some guidance on how not to approach girls in future. They are still only children too.

Started typing my own response 5Foot5 has said it all so well. Hope things improve for your son though and he starts to make some good friends at the school.

I wouldn't class this as bullying. As someone who was bullied through their entire school life I can understand why it would have been embarrassing for your ds, but instead of going into school all guns aging and saying they're bullying hin, why not use it as an opportunity to have a chat with him about those feelings he had towards the girls and that it's not always appropriate to tell everyone. It could have been just as embarrassing for those 11 year old girls to have the whole class knowing someone fancies them. I don't think it is bullying though. Teasing, yes. unfair, yes. But bullying, no.

Blazing. All guns Blazing.

This isn't bulling it's teasing. If it carried on, then it's bullying but yes, your son (mine has ASD too) did make himself a target and by going around telling everyone he lkiked her would have her uncomfortable too. Tell him he needs to keep these things to himself for a while first before he tells anyone.

I would not class this as bullying but the girls are being very unkind. I think that the OP should sit down with her DS and explain what is appropriate and what is not in this situation. Perhaps she could give her son strategies to cope with these silly little girls rather than expect the school to deal with it all.

I think it IS bullying and you should have a chat with school.

Also spend some time teaching him how to act around girls..NOT because it was his fault here..but because if he has an ASC it won't come naturally and needs to be taught.

It's teasing, it's not bullying YET. If it continues then it becomes bullying.

But you do also need to address social interactions and boundaries with your son. He needs to understand that just as he felt uncomfortable with what happened to him, the girl may have felt just as uncomfortable with him telling everyone he likes her.

I also agree it's teasing - it needs nipping in the bud but he's also joining in - he's doing the same to the girl he thinks is pretty

I do know what it's like to have a child with suspected ASD - and I agree it doesn't make them helpless or incapable of being in the wrong

also the girls are children not 'wretches' - seems a little off to judge them as some kind of evil vixens

'Teasing' is something everyone gets a giggle out of, including the person being teased.
Deliberately humiliating someone who is easy to manipulate for your own entertainment is bullying.

If my daughter was involved in anything like this, I'd be furious with her.

this is not bullying , its teasing , i agree with the head of form.

They were laughing at him, not with.

Sorry but he is not doing the same.

He is revealing his honest feelings and they are winding him up so they can laugh at him.

Some of the responses on this thread explain why my secondary school years were absolute misery.

I agree it needs to be tacked on two fronts:

1. Teaching your son that he might be making the girl uncomfortable by repeatedly telling her she is pretty (easier said than done I know with a child with an ASD). Certainly, my two would find it really difficult to understand that saying something nice can become uncomfortable if repeated ad infinitum.

1. Teaching the girls that making fun of someone is not pleasant even if done in retaliation. And teasing rapidly becomes bullying when they are laughing at rather than with somebody. It also rapidly becomes bullying when a group ridicules an individual.

The girls were mean to him, and I'd want the teacher to do/say something at this early stage rather than it going by. If he's seen as a wee bit different, he might become a target for their picking. I'd expect something to be said, on a class level, but if it continued after that I'd escalate it.

I also feel a sorry for the girl involved- at her age if a boy had told my entire class he liked me, I'd have been really awkward and embarrassed. I'd have presumed he was taking the mick, and laughing at me. Which might not be the case here, and isn't your son's fault, but I think it's fair to suggest you have a talk with him too.