To allow my almost 11 year old Year 6 child to go to the library to do his homework

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Ds goes to school approx 5 mins walk from the town centre. Tonight he needed to go to the library to pick up a pre reserved book & I needed to go to Boots.

We had an hour to kill as its not worth going home before he has to go to football training. He hates shopping so suggested I leave him at the library doing his homework whilst I went to Boots.

We took the book out st the automated machine & I left him at the library at a children only study/reading table. When I got back approx 15 mins later he was totally immersed in his homework.

The library assistant then called me over & started to tell me that I should not leave him alone at the library as it isn't safe. People who may not have good intentions might approach him etc etc.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking she might have assumed he was younger than he is. I told her he was year 6 & this time next year would be in secondary & making his own way to. & from there.

She said that made no difference, it wasn't safe & you can't even leave children alone at home under the age of 14 (which I know is rubbish).

When dd was in year 6 she used to walk to the town library alone to take books out or to nip to costa during a break at dancing. She is now 12 & cycles to our local one every week, alone.

I can't believe that suddenly on the day they start secondary children are suddenly deemed responsible enough to go to & from school alone.

Am I so wrong to try & build this up, leaving him for short periods/allowing him to walk to the corner shop/stay at home for 15 mins whilst I pop to the post box etc.

Are children really not allowed to visit libraries alone?

Incidentally the sign said children under 8 must not be left unaccompanied but I didn't see that until afterwards.

Of course he can go to the library on his own. We went through a phase of the internet not working, or the PC was broken or something for several months, when mine were both at primary - probably age about 8 and 10. When they needed the internet for something they would walk down to the library (c. 2/3 mile), sign up for an hour on the computers (free for them), do what they needed to, print what they needed to (also free), then walk back.

This was in a big town: but I wasn't concerned about them not being safe.

... Come to think of it, I'm not sure why we bothered to get the problem fixed! LOL

My youngest two are in Y6 but won't be 11 until next summer. They have been walking to and from school on their own since they were 9.5. They are also able to walk to the newsagent at the end of our road to buy a magazine or loom bands. At the moment, DH takes them to the library as it's a bit further, but I wouldn't have a problem in principle with them going alone.

It's a small town on the outskirts of a neighbouring city.

It never occured to me that it wasn't ok to let him be there alone.

To get there you go round the corner from school, cross the road (dual carriageway but pelican crossing with 2 lollipop ladies) then it's all pedestrianised. You turn left to the end of a walkway with shops either side & the library opposite the end of the walkway.

That must be some seriously dodgy library if it is not safe to leave a 10 year old there for 15 minutes. I am intrigued as to what goes on there!

Perhaps the librarian has seen kids approached by strangers in there and whilst saying so would be unprofessional, she thinks she is giving you 'the nod'

I think the librarian was AIBU, not you.

It makes perfect sense for children to learn in stages about dealing with the adult world, and being left in the library is as good a way as any. My DC all went to our local library alone when at primary school - I think they were probably under the 'official' age for solo visits but the staff knew them and never batted an eyelid.

Similarly with leaving him for 15 minutes and building up the time, and getting him to go to the local shop. That's exactly what I did with my DC. It really built up their confidence and taught them what to do in the event of a crisis (like catching the wrong train: get off at first stop, phone home, get on first train going back the other way...)

You're being sensible, OP. Don't let anxious librarians make you think you're in the wrong.

She's talking rubbish. But how sad that people think like that - that children need to be "supervised" at all times until they're 14 :(

I assume you've spoken to your DS and he knows not to go off with strangers. I can't see how a library could be a dangerous place - fewer dangers than parks, roads, or a load of other places a child might be on their own. My local swimming pool says that under 8s must be accompanied, so I assume over 8s can go without an adult.

I'm a bit of a worrier and the 'should I let my 5 year old cross four roads to go to the park alone' threads fill me with horror but I honestly can't see anything wrong with this situation.

Presumably he knows not to leave with anyone but yourself and isn't causing any disturbance.

What's the problem? He isn't causing anyone any extra work and is in a safe public place.

She sounds slightly unhinged!

I can't see anything wrong in leaving your DS to do his homework. Seems like a very sensible plan to me.

She's talking nonsense. Maybe she thinks if anything does go wrong (no idea what could happen in a library), he's her responsibility? 'You can't leave him in here, it's 'ealth and safety' type attitude?

I know 2 people who work in libraries (different ones)

Honestly, you really do get some hot rest horrible creepy sorts in. My good friend has had to go to courses on how to deal with them.

I do think yanbu honestly - but think about who might hang around them. It's free, it's warm, has internet access, toilets etc

I have no idea what I meant to say in place of "hot rest"

She's being ridiculous and you are not BU.

What was she suggesting? A paedophile lurking behind every bookshelf?

Why on earth would they have a sign up saying children under 8 can't be left unaccompanied if the rule actually applies to children under 14?

I think what you're doing is fine - but if you are worried you could always check with the senior librarian.

YANBU - you didn't leave him for long and he was in a safe place. If (extremely unlikely) a stranger did approach him he could have easily alerted the library staff. I would complain and ask about their policy. And she thinks it's illegal to leave a 13 year old alone in the house?!

Yanbu

12 year old dd regularly cycles to the library near to where we live & its never been an issue.

She's been allowed to go shopping in town since the age of 11 (yr 6 but October birthday). I'm sure she used to visit the same library (& McDonald's/costa/greggs)!

This got me thinking! My ds is 11 and just started secondary school, 5 miles away as opposed to his primary being 5 minutes away.

He gets 2 buses to school and 2 buses home.
We live on the outskirts of a big northern city, his school is in the neighbouring borough and city.

We prepared him for this from finding out in March his allocated school by doing exactly what you did at the library, otherwise my not so streetwise ds would have had a rude awakening at the start of "big school"

However, as my ds has aspergers, a lot of people have been surprised he is so independent and I admit it was a hard decision over his school but totally made the right choice.
The independence has been the making of him!

Some people have got too much to say, he's your son, you know his capabilities, you're preparing him for the world outside of the primary bubble.

So many of ds's old school friends are horrified at the thought of 1 bus never mind 2, are mollycoddled and aren't prepared whatsoever for secondary.

It will be here before you know it:)

I'm thinking that in theory Yanbu.

But I'm wondering if the librarian might have seen something happen before because why else risk looking like a crazy person by telling parents of a nearly secondary age child that it's not safe.

Pp has a point with regards to the people who use libraries. Especially in cold weather.

I was allowed to get the bus to town by myself at 11 (in the 90's), and would go to the library or just wander around by the riverside for a break from my parents arguing. I got the school bus to secondary, but if I 'missed it' (i.e. fancied a change) I'd have to get two buses with a change in town. My parents were fine with this and I really appreciated the freedom.

YANBU.

About 10 of my Year 6 class walk to the library after school to read / do homework. Parents treat it as free after school care and pick them up at 5ish. Luckily we have brilliant (and fierce) library lady who has known them all since Reception, so no problems with disruptive behaviour.

Back in the dim mists of time I would catch the bus from school aged 8, get off at my local library and wait there for my DM, who had to collect DB from the opposite direction. I'd borrow four books and have read two of them by the time she arrived . It was such the done thing we had library club once a week with group activities. Sigh... Happy days.

Oh, and OP you definitely are NOT being unreasonable.

YANBU.