to think the youngest sibling shouldn't get automatic priority?

[BabylonPoo]

DD is 2.5 and we also have other DC aged 7, 8, 9. I'm very much for taking turns and sharing but DH thinks DD should get priority as she's younger. For example - if DC are at the park and DD wants a turn on something the other DC are on, he'll tell them to get off immediately, whereas I'd tell DD she needs to wait her turn. Similarly, if DD demands a toy one of her siblings is playing with, DH will demand they hand it over to keep herhappy.

While I sort of understand his logic that the older DC don't mind (yet) and it keeps the peace, he doesn't see my point of view that this special treatment ultimately means DD will expect everyone to bow down to her demands, which isn't going to happen in the real world.

AIBU to think she shouldn't get priority?

We have this in our house, drives me potty!
BUT - its not me that rolls over for the toddler, its not DH, its the older two DC, they are only 5 and 7, but whatever 2 year old demon toddler wants - 2 year old demon toddler gets! I have tried telling them its okay, he can wait, its yours not his, he has his own, you are being very kind but you don't have to do that, etc etc etc - their response -
"Hes only a baby mom!"

Grrrr!

I know someone who has a younger daughter and 3 much older boys. The little one was always given priority over the boys, and now aged 7 is a precocious little madam! So I'd recommend keeping up your approach!

Has he done it with each youngest child? Or just this one?

My 4 are spread over the same age gap. We take turns and also if one wants a toy another's got we ask ' please can I have a turn when you are finished'

Your DD will turn into a total princess if DH continues to let her dominate

What happens when your DD plays with another 2 year old and is lacking in basic social skills?

My littlest brother got the preferential treatment (especially so as the brother before him in age had died as a baby 18 months earlier).

It's one of my mother's greatest regrets. He was a spoilt, entitled horror and it took years to undo the damage.

You just got to keep on doing what you do op and making dd realise you are the boss.

I don't advocate overruling a partner in front of the child but in your case op I just would and make sure she does what you say.

Agree with the above. Kids like boundaries and strong sensible parents. They feel secure that way.

He will hopefully realise that. Soon.

What's the issue with the jumper? I don't really see the value or lesson in forcing a child to wear a jumper. If it's because they'll get gold, can't you just wait until they tell you they're cold, then give them the jumper? Surely the thing is got a child to learn to judge these things for themselves. What's the value in learning that someone else us in charge of whether they wear a jumper or not?

Sorry for typos, stupid phone , etc

It's not the jumper per se Lazuli but the fact that at 2 mum knows best.

I do see your point about choice and getting cold and at 7 I would agree totally but at 2 kids need to just be told and do it.

My brother and his wife are both youngest siblings who were treated like this.

They are both spoilt, entitled horrors still, and they are in their 30s!

Don't let it go.

My aunt Julie (not her name) is 6 years older than me, my brother 2 years younger, used to give my Mum the rage when my Grandad would say "oh let Julie win she's the youngest" when I was playing, when my mum would argue his answer was I was the eldest????
My Mum was his eldest if 5 children so this annoyed her on soooo many levels

YANBU

Does your dh favour the path of least resistance type parenting? My dh is a bit lazy like this and will chuck on ceebeebies the moment ds asks. I am much meaner and tend to make him do something else first.

Dh is an only child and struggles with waiting for things so I am really keen to instill turn taking etc for ds. Dh is a not a spoilt monster, but he has the odd flash of selfishness.

Really interesting thread though as it shows just how resentful adults can still be over perceived unfair or preferential treatment of a sibling.

Tis a lesson for all of us parents.

How do you know the older dc don't mind? My youngest is 7 and he would mind very much if he had to hand over what he's got all the time.

I agree with you op, she needs to be treated the same as the others, especially if she is at or due to start nursery. She might as well get used to taking turns sooner rather than later.

I'd maybe agree Lazuli if she wasn't so stubborn - she wouldn't admit to being cold because she's said she wouldn't be cold...! Even if her teeth were chattering.

I don't mind giving choices - I.e. Do you want to wear a jumper or jacket? But I don't like the precedent that she's asked to do something, says no and that's fine. What if she's doing something dangerous and asked to stop but thinks she has the right to say no and not listen?

She needs to be treated the same-unless it is something where allowances specifically need to be made- she will be dreadful when older if it goes on.

Totally agree with you and other posters op. Your other children will get thoroughly fed up with this and that will not help their relationship with their youngest sibling. I see this a lot at the school where I teach, youngest siblings doted on and babied to the point where they become really quite spoilt and unpleasant, every naughty thing they do is excused or laughed about, , it's a very bad idea.

I only have a 2y8m one and she is old enough to wait and take turns... i do insist on the playground and she is quite good in the slides with waiting...

if she like peppa, show the granpa pig in the playground episode, he also says the little ones don't need to wait and chaos ensues...

Ask your dh at what point he thinks she won't need to be first in everything? That's one of the issues with starting this.
My db was always given extra lives, for being the youngest. Trivial persuits meant reading out question after question until he got one-and he wsn't that much younger than me. One reason why I stopped playing games with him because I was expected to give him infinite chances.He was still claiming them into adulthood.

It also irritates me the board games that say "youngest start" as a rule.

As the oldest of 6 I can tell you it breeds huge amounts of resentment. Also the youngest was always allowed to get away with things I would never have been allowed to even at that age. Now we are all adults its not so bad, but it used to drive me mad through my teens when I started to have my own things/money/clothes and she thought she had a right to use/damage my possessions without repercussion.

Overslept, we were the same. I had to do things and take responsibility for things but when my sister got to the same age, she was just little and couldn't possibly be held to that much responsibility. Things are better now but the resentment never really goes away.

YANBU. If only because the position of the middle children is very unfair in settups like this.
And also because she is at risk of playing one against the other, and this is frankly what makes a child not likeable for anybody.

I am the eldest- you certainly don't forget the things the youngest were allowed to get away with!