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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to understand why my friend is being put through this (chemotherapy)

44 replies

LEMmingaround · 23/09/2014 21:45

I have a dear friend who has recently had a mastectomy and is now having chemo.

the first half of the chemo was bad, now the regime has changed and she has just been rushed to hospital for the third tine in as many weeks. Its killing her :(

Why does she have to suffer this when the bastard tumour was fully excised and no metastases detected. Ffs. The cancer has been removed - was relief when we got the news but today she is scared she wont survive the chemo.

This is so hard for me as on the day she told me about her cancer i told her that my breast lump was a benign cyst. I made a promise to myself that i would be there for my friend (we weren't that close before) as a paying forward type thing as i got so much support on here when i was terrified that i had breast cancer. We have become very close and i am worried sick. Safly many of her friends arent being supportive and it upsets my friend alot. Its like they are scared they will catch it -i coild shake them. I try to hrlp as much as i can but theres so little i can really do :(

She is a devout catholic so please can i ask for your prayers.

OP posts:

Alambil · 23/09/2014 21:55

prayers for strength and peace x

so sorry for your friend

MintChocAddict · 23/09/2014 22:00

I think they're probably giving chemo to be sure there are no rogue cells hanging around elsewhere.
It's shit isn't it?
I'm not religious but my thoughts are with your friend and hoping she gets a break soon.

superstarheartbreaker · 23/09/2014 22:02

I'm sorry about your friend. I've often felt that chemo was a very imperfect and primitive treatment. Surely science must have come up with something more cancer specific by now? It just seems to kill all cells. My mum had cancer and chemo so yes it us horrific but also it can be effective I guess?

PacificDogwood · 23/09/2014 22:02

It is shit and not fair.
Love and strength to her and you.
You are doing a lovely thing, being there for her, when others aren't.

superstarheartbreaker · 23/09/2014 22:02

Prayers.

mineofuselessinformation · 23/09/2014 22:02

Lem, your friend is in my thoughts and prayers. Cancer is so tough. I can only imagine her doctors are making sure they've mopped up any stray cells.

PiperIsOrange · 23/09/2014 22:06

Cancer is an awful thing, to be blunt no amount of fighting will cure cancer.

I hope your friend is one that beats cancer, but even after going into remission expect a change of personality.

My dear nan was never the same.

Moreisnnogedag · 23/09/2014 22:06

I'm sorry. It's really crap but chemo regimes are more specific than they were before. Still causes a lot of healthy cells damage though.

They want to make sure that there is absolutely nothing left. Sadly in pre-chemo days we would think its all gone but actually there were two cells hiding in the liver that came back later. It feels like overkill but it's there to give her the best chance of cure.

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/09/2014 22:10

I wish her strength and the same for you too.

It is physically and emotionally exhausting carrying someone through times like this.

Does she have a bucket list? Even little things to create a desire to look forwards in the midst of this draining time?

Mrsfrumble · 23/09/2014 22:14

I'm sorry to hear about your friend OP. I will pray.

Her oncologist will not have recommended chemo unless they thought it was absolutely necessary. When DH had cancer we were told the surgery had been successful, but we're given the option of a dose of chemo as a precaution. We decided against it as we really wanted to start a family and no one could tell us for certain if chemo would damage his fertility, and unfortunately the cancer was back within 13 months.

OldFarticus · 23/09/2014 22:14

Sorry to hear this. Not religious but you and your friend are in my thoughts. And no YANBU!

I also had chemo after a full surgical excision of my tumour. It made me sick as a dog, put me in hospital, gave me sepsis and made me poo myself in M&S but 7.5 years on I am still here. :-)

I have read (and believe) that it is more difficult to watch someone you care about go through chemo than to go through it yourself. The patient has a job to do (survive it!) and receives medical and nursing support. Friends and family are just left to watch and are basically helpless, so I really feel for you.

My suggestion would be to take her a casserole or stew or something. Don't offer first - just do it. I could not bear the thought or sight of food but when people rocked up with something ready-made I had to concede that it smelled pretty damn good. And then scoff it. ;-)

LadyLuck10 · 23/09/2014 22:15

I'm sorry about your friend . You've crossed each other's path for a reason. Be the best friend, sister, confidant to her.

PacificDogwood · 23/09/2014 22:15

Mrsfrumble

Original poster

LEMmingaround · 23/09/2014 22:15

Thankyou

Piper -i know what you mean about the personality change.

I am adding to the prayers with prayers for strength. Half-way there..!!

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMmingaround · 23/09/2014 22:18

Oh mrs frumble i am so sorry to read that :(

Cancer is truly a shitty fucking bastard

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMmingaround · 23/09/2014 22:19

Oldfarticus - im not sure she would thank me for my cooking

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 23/09/2014 22:19

The Chemo is to mop up any cancer cells that may have metastasized already and to reduce the risks of it returning. Unfortunately chemo is horrible and does kill people through netropenia. I guess the drs will have weighed up the benefits versus the risks and your friend would hopefully have been informed all the way through. If she is suffering very badly, I would hope the Drs will re-evaluate before the next cycle is due.

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2014 22:22

Much love to your friend. It's a foul experience.

Babyroobs · 23/09/2014 22:22

Sorry just read my post back and it sounds awful ( the bit about it killing people ), I'd just like to add this is very rare x

Wickeddevil · 23/09/2014 22:23

LEM I remember your thread and I wish your friend well. She is lucky to have you supporting her.

Her specialist team have probably recommended the further chemo because it gives her the greatest chance of survival. Does she have a Nurse specialist she can talk to in more detail? The Macmillan website is very good too if she is looking fir information.

for both of you.

OldFarticus · 23/09/2014 22:24

It's the thought that counts eh OP?

BelleateSebastian · 23/09/2014 22:32

your poor friend my dm had the first 3 lots if chemo (FEC) She refused the second tranch (Taxotere) and said she would rather take the chance of the bastard cancer returning, her oncologist persuaded her to have 1 more FEC ... which she did. She has never got over the chemo, she had it at 70 and is 73 now, its certainly a blunt tool

Original poster

LEMmingaround · 23/09/2014 22:33

I'll make her a cake -she does love a bit of cake :).

OP posts:

Mrsfrumble · 23/09/2014 22:36

Oh, DH is fine now! He had 3 cycles of chemo to zap the returning cancer and has been in remission for 3.5 years.

He would probably recommend plenty of DVD box sets as a a coping strategy during his chemo We watched all 6 seasons of Battlestar Galactica during his treatment.

PiperIsOrange · 23/09/2014 22:39

Cake, what cake. Cake is a good idea. I love cake.

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