not to understand why my friend is being put through this (chemotherapy)

[LEMmingaround]

I have a dear friend who has recently had a mastectomy and is now having chemo.

the first half of the chemo was bad, now the regime has changed and she has just been rushed to hospital for the third tine in as many weeks. Its killing her :(

Why does she have to suffer this when the bastard tumour was fully excised and no metastases detected. Ffs. The cancer has been removed - was relief when we got the news but today she is scared she wont survive the chemo.

This is so hard for me as on the day she told me about her cancer i told her that my breast lump was a benign cyst. I made a promise to myself that i would be there for my friend (we weren't that close before) as a paying forward type thing as i got so much support on here when i was terrified that i had breast cancer. We have become very close and i am worried sick. Safly many of her friends arent being supportive and it upsets my friend alot. Its like they are scared they will catch it -i coild shake them. I try to hrlp as much as i can but theres so little i can really do :(

She is a devout catholic so please can i ask for your prayers.

Mrsfrumble poor you, 6 season of battlestar you are 1 loving wife.

Sending her strength. My mum is not the same person having gone though breast cancer. She sees everything in a negative way like dont cross the street as you might be knocked over but strangely also positive. The diagnosis of cancer is scary hence why your friends friends may not be able to cope. Everyone reacts differently. My dad collapsed and i had to support him more than mum. Sounds like you a strong person being there for your friend. Its hard, believe me ( i collapsed in the breast cancer advice office for 30 minutes and several tissues and hugs later) buts its worth it. Your friend will win this battle. Thank you for being there. Lots of strength being sent to both of you. Xxx

By the way help can be anything like looking after children, making cake, doing the shopping, making one dinner, helping choose head scarfs, driving her to appts, lending her books, making her laugh over something silly that happened in the day or a 2 minute phone call to say hi or just to listen... ( she be tried) Just being there means so much but please dont judge those that cant. They have their reasons too including some painful ones....

Re chemo. I have had it and at times felt it was killing me when in fact it was killing the cancer cells and destroying some healthy cells along the way. When you end up in hospital it is usually because the chemo has caused something called neutropenia, a dramatic fall in the white blood cells which lowers your immunity to infection dramatically. They will keep her in isolation and give injections to raise the white cell count.
Most chemo regimes are two part with 3 or4 od one drug combo followed by 3 or 4 of another. Mine was called Fec/T some have E/CMF and there are many others tailored to the type of cancer, its grade and its stage. We call the treatment being butchered, poisoned and burned but hey it is intended to kick the cancer into touch.
The op would remove the tumour, the chemo is to kill any cancer in the bloodstream then radiotherapy will mop up any strays in the breast. Help your friend to endure, sympathise but encourage her to get through it. Do not, please suggest it is unnecessary.

Greylady - i would never dream of suggesting that. It just all seems so unfair

They don't recommend chemo willy-nilly, so unfortunately it is probably the lesser of two evils for her. Presumably either there was lymph node involvement or the tumour was large/aggressive etc. so this will give her the best chance of remaining cancer-free. Breast cancer treatments are really effective nowadays, so she has a good chance of that.

It sounds like she's reacting badly to the chemo, so perhaps her team will reduce her dose or give an alternative treatment. There is a lot of wiggle room with the doses as they are calculated so crudely. I sympathise as my dose was reduced several times.

My oncologist warned that the chemo might kill me hence the reduction in dose, but actually that is very, very rare, especially with outpatient chemo and he was just being an alarmist.

I am a bit at the personality change comment someone made above, perhaps that is the case for some people but certainly not for everyone who has cancer treatment! So please don't worry about that for now :) any changes you are seeing at the moment may simply be as a result of the stress of the situation, or the treatment itself. "Chemo brain" seems to be quite common - poor memory, lack of concentration etc.

Cake sounds lovely, and she's lucky to have such a supportive friend. Shitty about the others though. Lots of my friends found my diagnosis difficult and as I was so ill I couldn't go out much and was quite isolated. Someone visiting with cake would've made my week! :) I had a couple of friends who would visit and just chat away, without me having to make much conversation, that was good on days when I could barely remember my own name, let alone think of anything interesting to say.

I am sorry if it was offensive regarding the personality comment.

I will explain, that previous a chesty cough my nan would just get a bottle of hactos. After it was a sign of cancer. Even a simple cold would send her into panic.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I've been having chemo since May and although it is rubbish, you just keep telling yourself that it gives you the best chance of recovery and getting back to normality. You sound like a great friend and what I value most in my amazing friends is the chance to be normal and have a laugh as much as possible but to know that they'll listen when I need a moan or a good old cry. If she loves cake, definitely make her cake! She will appreciate it, I guarantee. Also chemo is a bit like being pregnant - it puts you off all sorts of things and makes you have really strong cravings. I can't get enough toast with butter and Marmite. I reckon I could put away a loaf no bother!

One thing I would say is DO NOT mention a bucket list!!! (Sorry MisforMumnotMaid) Definitely plan fun things to do together (although you may find that she will suffer from fatigue which is the main side effect that most people suffer. This is cumulative and after 9 cycles of chemo, I am exhausted in a way that is almost impossible to describe. I still have 5 to go, so feck knows what state of tiredness I'll be by the end!) but if somebody said "bucket list" to me, I'd think they were thinking I was about to cark it. That wouldn't cheer me up!

Love to you and your friend - it's a bastard of a disease but it can make all sorts of relationships stronger!

Oh and my point about cravings was maybe just ask her if there's anything she really fancies and get her a wee supply.

I too have breast cancer, which was fully excised (30mm tumour and DCIS), during my single mastectomy and full lymph node removal (6/10 +ve). I've had four sessions of anthrycycline chemo (doxorubicin and cyclophosphamide), and and four sessions into 18 sessions of a her2 targeted clinical study, as my cancer was stage IIB, grade 3, oestrogen +ve. I've now been in hospital for five stays, because of complications (neutropenic septicaemia being one of them). I still have a second mastectomy and oopherectomy to go through, and sometimes I think I might just run away and leave it to fate. I have four children, the youngest is one, and some days are just an effort from start to finish. But one of the thinks that makes it (only just) bearable, is the support from my few close friends, who would do anything for me. So keep doing what you're doing op, you've probably no idea how much your help means. I'm (or was) fiercely independent and stoic, so accepting help and being seen to be vulnerable has been immeasurably hard at times, and I know I've repeatedly pushed people away. But they keep coming back! And I'm glad they do. So if your friend rejects you, give her a day or two and give it another go. She'll really appreciate it, I promise.

Just to convince you it's worth it, I had breast cancer when I was 27 and had a mastectomy and chemo.
I am now nearly 47, have had two more babies since cancer and no recurrence.
It's worth it in the long run.

A prayer said here too

You are all so so brave. As is my friend. I know i wouldn't cope. I will pray for you too if thats ok.

But LEM you would cope because you have to.

In just a few hours time I'll be hooked up to a drip for my 3rd cycle of chemo (out of 8) for breast cancer. I'm dreading it as I know I'll go into into a black hole of nausea and misery for the next few days. my team are doing the best they can to help with side effects but the one thing I hold onto is that in a week to 10 days time I'll start crawling out my hole to some sense of normality.

but having a friend like you will be helping so much. I've been reminded by how great some of my friends are. I've got a 7yo dd and they've organised themselves to have her on the sat after each treatment to give her a break from poorly mummy and to have some fun. others are making extra portions of casseroles and dropping them by.
chemo sucks but the drs wouldn't recommend it without good reason

Just to say you do get through the chemo even if it is not a pleasant six months particularly towards the end. Her consultant will be carefully monitoring her for adverse reactions and can reduce or stop treatment if she is having too many side effects so be assured on that point. I was feeling OK again within a couple of months after stopping. What got me through it at the time was the knowledge that it definitely helps stop recurrence. Just be aware with the cake that your taste can go completely awry on chemo so although I would have really appreciated the gesture I might not have wanted to eat it. Strong tasting flavours e.g. ginger I found better. Positive vibes for your friend OP and for mintyneb too.

When I had chemo (not breast cancer) just before the last round a blood test showed that markers in my blood had creeped up by a minuscule amount, and so I was switched to another engine, which went on months. Emotionally, psychologically and physically it was devastating. My lovely dh and my friends got me through. One friend and his wife sent me a box, in there was a poncho she had crocheted, a mix cd they had both compiled, some chocolate, beautiful hand cream ( my hands were a wreck from all the cannulas), a moomin (I love the moomins!) a book and a DVD. It was such a kindly thought out box, and it still makes me well up to think about it now.

You sound like a wonderful friend.

You would cope because you wouldn't have a choice. It's like Bear Hunt. You cant go under it you cant go over it so you just go through it and eventually come out the other side. No bravery involved just part of the 'shit happens' syndrome. Be there, bake cakes have a chat and a cuppa and come back and tell us how she is doing xx

Chemo is horrible but also expensive for the nhs to provide so I'm sure they're not giving it her needlessly.
It only takes 1 or 2 cells to have migrated elsewhere and it'll all start again in months / years time.

Sounds like a good prognosis for her once the chemo is over though!

I can say with personal experience that chemo is horrible, but for most people it is doable. Generally, any side effects can be handled by drugs. If she is hospitalized, good chance it is for neutropenia. There are injections available to boost the blood cells, though often the doctors wait to see if bloods will come back up on their own, once the infection is handled.

If she's on the second regime, she should be past the mid-way point and will be finished in a few more cycles. Radiotheraphy (for breast cancer) is a breeze compared to chemo. That is probably her next step.

Good friends make it easier. (And other friends letting you down by not getting involved seems to be par for the course).
I used to love meeting up with my friends for coffee or lunch on my 'good' weeks. And during lunch we used to plan the next lunch for the good week of the next cycle, so I always had it to look forward to.