Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and perhaps a little bit precious

36 replies

PartyGateCrasher · 22/09/2014 16:35

DD (7) started clarinet lessons in school today. She took in my own clarinet which I have had for 25 years or so.

The other children in the class are using loan clarinets provided by the county.

I told my DD that she was not allowed to share her/my clarinet with anyone in case it got damaged and to not share the reed for hygene reasons.

Well, despite the fact she told the instructor that she was not allowed to share her reed, he used it anyway for the other students in the class as they didn't have one and told DD "It's okay, I will wipe it between kids" which apparently he did with a damp cloth.

There is a particularly bad dose of d&v in the school at the moment which has wiped out a number of year groups.

I feel a bit Envy at the thought of all those germs and spit on the reed that both me and DD will use.

IABU to throw the reed in the bin and send in a snotty polite note next week asking for my wishes regarding the reed to be respected.

FWIW all the kids had been told which reed and book to get in plenty of time for the lesson.

OP posts:
mummytime · 22/09/2014 16:37

When my DD did Clarinet lesson they all had their own reeds, they were given one to start with, and then had to buy more.

Although TBH the lessons were awful - it put DD off Clarinet for life as she couldn't hear herself.

Millipedewithherfeetup · 22/09/2014 16:40

Yanbu I would of been the same, send a note in expressing your wishes, if this is not adhered to then you have every right to complain especially with sickness bug around.

QueenofallIsee · 22/09/2014 16:41

I would be most pissed off with that - you DD clearly stated that you had said no sharing, who is this teacher that he thinks he can overrule you to your child!

I would be sending a pointed note into school asking that very question.

honeysucklejasmine · 22/09/2014 16:41

Eugh! That's gross. YANBU! I would never use a reed second hand, they get absolutely saturated when you play. If she likes it, it really is worth getting individual lessons. But only once you know its worth it of course. Smile

Idontseeanysontarans · 22/09/2014 16:41

YANBU, my DD plays clarinet and they are specifically told to not use each other's instrument for hygiene reasons because of the reed.
I would have a word or send in a note to the teacher.

cherrybombxo · 22/09/2014 16:42

Yuck, that's horrible! I was a "band nerd" at school and I played the cello for ten years, no spit and germs for me Grin

Though my best friend played the trumpet and the thought of her emptying the spit valve still turns my stomach... bleugh...

Anyway, no, YANBU. The school should have had enough clarinets to loan, or staggered the lessons so that they had one per child.

Gatehouse77 · 22/09/2014 16:43

Not unreasonable and not precious.

My youngest had similar flute lessons at school and took my old one in with similar instructions, which were respected. And that doesn't have a reed which gets covered in goober (or spit).

KnackeredMuchly · 22/09/2014 16:45

Yanbu, a note is perfectly reasonable

Fabulassie · 22/09/2014 16:46

Why don't these other kids have reeds/don't they have reeds for the loaners?

I would maybe hesitate to say anything because I would maybe worry about getting the teacher annoyed with you, and by extension, your daughter.

How about you keep the icky shared reed in a baggie in the case and if the teacher asks again, she can say "my mum said to use this one, but not the one I am using now."

If the teacher doesn't comply, then it's definitely time to complain.

Daisy17 · 22/09/2014 16:48

I teach the clarinet and that is absolutely appalling. I can't believe a teacher would do that. It's nothing to do with you asking her not to share her reed, the teacher should never have asked her to do so anyway. Flag it up to the school straight away.

Darkandstormynight · 22/09/2014 16:49

YANBU! I would be upset as well, and would bin the old reed, buy a new one and insist on dd using her own reed. If I were desperate, I'd tell teacher dd has a virus and other's shouldn't be sharing it with her, but only if I were desperate!

Original poster
PartyGateCrasher · 22/09/2014 16:49

Phew. Am glad I seem to not BU. The thought of spit makes me boak at the best of time so thought it was just me projecting.

I want to write a note in case none of the others have bothered to get reeds, but dont want to look like a twat to the teacher who will be teaching my DD for the next 37 weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
PartyGateCrasher · 22/09/2014 16:51

Fabulassie x post. My point exactly re the note

OP posts:
pluCaChange · 22/09/2014 16:56

Trumpets have a spit valve?! Shock

I love Mumsnet. Grin

Littlef00t · 22/09/2014 17:03

I'd sent a note, but I don't know about the reed. Are they expensive? Could you just put in boiling water or would that ruin it?

Fabulassie · 22/09/2014 17:10

plusCaChange, I think my trumpet had more than one spit valve.

I had these things called "spit balls" that were little sponges soaked in some cleaning stuff. You'd push them down the pipe and then blow really hard through the horn so that the little sponge would fly out the bell, all black and grotty with the gunk inside. Lots of fun to shoot at your friends!

maninawomansworld · 22/09/2014 17:22

Yuck.
Have a stern word with the school and leave them in no doubt that under no circumstances is it to happen again.

CarmineRose1978 · 22/09/2014 17:30

Definitely boak-inducing... Not really fair on your daughter either. Leaving aside the issue of the reed, what if one of the children had dropped the clarinet? She'd have been gutted and perhaps felt it was her fault since you'd told her not to let other children borrow it.

I'd definitely send in a note or speak to the teacher, and I'd provide a separate reed so that if it DOES happen again, she doesn't have to use the spit-soaked one everyone else has tried.

Btw, is this a music teacher, or her class teacher? Does she have him for anything else?

Original poster
PartyGateCrasher · 22/09/2014 17:51

littlef00t prices are not too bad actually. Pack of 3 for about 6 quid. It is not so much the monetary value though, but more the fact my wishes were ignored.

Carmine My point exactly re the sharing of the clarinet itself. I can't see the parents stumping up upwards of £650 to replace the one their kid had broken.

The music teacher is one provided by the county and goes round all the schools. Have paid £132 for the years tuition.

Will definitely send back in the plague ridden reed next week in case it is needed again.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 22/09/2014 18:15

YANBU, this is unhygienic and I think it was also inappropriate for the teacher to be telling your daughter to disregard a sensible and reasonable instruction from her mum.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 22/09/2014 18:18

Urgh!

What would have happened if you hadnt sent in your old.clarinet? Would they then not have had a reed?

Sunnymeg · 22/09/2014 18:22

The clarinet is your personal property, the teacher has no right to override your wishes and embarrass your daughter. I presume the clarinet is insured for your family's personal use, not for use by others.

PS surely he should have brought reeds to the lesson anyway. Very peculiar behaviour from the teacher.

Original poster
PartyGateCrasher · 22/09/2014 18:28

Sunny yes, because of it's high value, I made sure it was fully insured.

The kids were told which reeds to get a week before the lesson. I had to get new ones myself as there was no way DD was getting a note out of the reeds I use.

OP posts:
wobblyweebles · 22/09/2014 18:52

Yech, that's disgusting. I'd be fuming.

whatsonyourplate · 22/09/2014 19:04

What would they have done if your dd didn't have a reed either? No lesson?