To walk away from a 40k a year job?

[Acunningruse]

I had Ds in October 2012 and took a year's maternity leave. I returned to work 3 days a week, using my annual leave to cover the 2 days per week i was off. When my holiday was running out I submitted a Flexible Working request which was initially refused then granted on a trial period for 3 months. The trial period was then extended for a further 6 months. That second trial period is now up for review and my boss has terminated the FW arrangement and wants me back in the office 5 days a week. I can't really argue with the reasons- small company, inability of others to cover the role in my absence, etc.

I am seeking legal advice but I am not hopeful as the arrangement was only ever temporary. I have suggested compromises eg 4 days per week which have been declined.

I honestly do not feel I can work 5 days per week. I know lots and lots and lots of people do the world over and I have been lucky to have this arrangement for a year. However I found the return to work after a year off such a shock to the system looking back I would say I was depressed for several months, crying all the time, mood swings, really felt like I couldn't cope. On aoccasion I have had to work an extra day and I have really struggled with not seeing DS. I can't imagine what full time would be like.

DH is absolutely 100% supportive and we both agree that we do not want DS to be in childcare that amount of time. I am therefore looking for other jobs but as I have been with my current employer a decade I am well paid in this role and other roles I am seeing advertised are less than half what I earn now. We will manage, we have to cut back a lot but we do currently have a comfortable lifestyle where cuts could be made.

Am I mad to walk away from a well-paid job? Am I being spoilt and precious for not wanting to work 5 days per week? Will i regret this?

I am 90% sure that leaving will be the best thing for my mental health and for DS but am just worried about regretting it.

You need to do what is right for your and your DS.

You have obviously considered loss of income etc, but also think about loss of pension contribution, further career progression in the long-term and 'job satisfaction'.

I have worked 4 days/wk in a very demanding job since DS1 was born over 11 years ago and it is a bit more than I would like (particularly as the 4 day equate to about 45-50hrs but that's another story) and there were times that I was ready to chuck it all in. It is difficult to get back in to my profession (can be done, but is hard) and I also strongly felt that I had to have an identity outside of the house and separate from my mother role.
My own mother was a SAHP and thinks I'm nuts .

Is there any scope for you returning to your current role in a few years time when your DS is at school??

Do it! You won't get this time back again and apart from financial reasons (and you said you will be able to manage) I can't see a reason for keeping the job. You can always look for something else which is less demanding to do instead which,whilst not paying the same salary, can help you keep your hand in in this field until you (may) wish to return full time.

By less demanding I meant part time.

I'm considering doing exactly this at Christmas. You have to do what's best for you & your family. Keep an eye out for pt work, to keep your cv current (in whatever field).

If your mental health suffers it's so hard for everyone.

All the best...life's too short to be miserable & stressed.

If it's too hard for you to do and you are not getting anything out of it as a family, then I think you are well within your rights to quit.

I'm a SAHM and I know that by being so I've essentially stuffed any chance I ever had of having a 'career' by taking such a long break.

However it was the only arrangement that could have worked for us, so that's how it went.

There is no ideal or perfect solution to these situations, there are always drawbacks no matter what you do, it's just a case of decided which drawbacks you can live with.

Of course YANBU. You have to do what works for you, and for you as a family.
You've tried it, and realised it's not for you, and that's fine, just as it's fine for those who do choose to work FT. As long as you are not then leaving your family unable to meet bills, then you must do what works for you.

What about asking your emoloyer to do a job share ? Offer to train the newbie etc and both work 2.5 dsys each ? Its worth a go, nothing to lose !

You haven't tried it yet. Personally I would try working full time for 6 months and then review it. If your still not happy you have your answer. Any chance there is a job share?

I'd try it too. Before you know it school will start and then huge hours won't make that much difference. Try for a job share and also see if your DH can do any flexi working.

I think your employer might change their mind if you actually resign!

In the meantime, do what's right for you. The other option I thought of was asking to do five days in four/compressed hours. Would that work?

no read theminimalists blog - just google. there is an essay on there about why he hlet his 6 figure job...its all about living a counter culture lifestyle - we are just conditioned to think more equals better and clearly this is not the case. this is afecting your health and indriectly your child.

dont bother yourself with others choices - its about you and your family

I was in your exact position, they were completely inflexible for me. So I felt I had no choice but to quit. I was crying every night too, just couldn't do the 5 days.
It was the best thing I ever did, I got a very part time, low paid admin job and have been so happy.
I do worry about the future, pensions etc. but for my mental health now it was the best decision.

You will be mad if you do what you are not comfortable with. Literally - you will give yourself a breakdown and £40k is not worth that

I'd apply for new £40k full-time jobs stating you want to be x% part-time or job share. Worked for me and various other friends.

Also you may as well be quite noisy about these job applications, you need to request references off a number of senior staff and generally let it be known you are applying.

If all else fails, resign and enjoy your little one.

If you are struggling to decide, look at worst case scenario - eg you can only find a MUCH lower paid job with the hours you want. Think what sacrifices you would have to make financially. Would you still rather make those financial sacrifices but see DS more, than work full time for more money but see DS less?

It's not the immediate financial sacrifices you have to think about. The stats show that - with exceptions certainly - women who quit temporarily to look after children never get their old careers back and rarely get back to the same salary.

You may not care about that, and there will be plenty of people piling in with anecdotes about how they took time off and got an even better job when they decided to go back, but the general statistics are very bad.

So this is the wort case scenario for you if you quit: can you face never getting your old career back and at best retraining, at worst being stuck in low paid work?

I've just done exactly this! FW request refused, looked around and got a pretty well paid job for 2.5 days. Start in November. Financially it will be tough but I too need more time at home and better quality time with DD
I say go for it!!

I did exactly that some 18 years ago. I have never regretted it at all, it meant taking some massive risks and obviously a massive income drop but my quality of life now is so much better.

It's become a cliche but life really is too short to being doing something that makes you unhappy if you don't have to. That applies to everyone, but if it's at the point where it's affecting your mental health then it is really not worth it.

I can totally relate - I had a job that paid well and in black and white it would look crazy to turn down the money, but my employer wouldn't consider anything less that 4 days a week (which in reality was 5 anyway) and there was no way in a million years I would have considered that.

As someone else above said, you only get these years to enjoy once, and for me that value is priceless.

Hope I've not come over too 'preachy' and I'm not judging anyone else's life choices - it's just that you sound very similar to outlook to me, and if you're 90% sure but just need the confidence to overcome the 10% doubt then I hope my two penn'orth might help!

Your health comes first as long as you can meet the basic bills. I have two friends who left £40k jobs, one is loaded anyway and the other wanted to work 2 days after having dd. They seem happy.

I,m going to be doing this not £40,000 but a reasonable job as qualified nurse ,the reasons being I have a four year old son diagnosed with autism and moderate learning difficulties I cannot do night shifts anymore due to my sons needs work are/aware of this but given me no support and refused my flexible working request worknis extremely stressful anyway with constant ward closures I,m sick of the stress .

I'd do it.
I loved being at home when my DCs were young, it was fun even though we were broke.
I look back on those years with great fondness.

If you can manage financially do it, life's too short to be unhappy and stressed and family time is precious. No one knows what will happen in the future with regards to other opportunities, pensions etc.

If you can't do it, you can't do it.

You're certainly not mad. I think it's hard as I am going through a similar quandary at the moment, in terms of work life balance and happiness and so on ... I haven't quite made my mind up. I'm not too worried about my pension as I'll probably drop dead before I am due to collect it anyway but I'd like a bigger home in the future and that would be hard if I switched jobs.