To walk away from a 40k a year job?

[Acunningruse]

I had Ds in October 2012 and took a year's maternity leave. I returned to work 3 days a week, using my annual leave to cover the 2 days per week i was off. When my holiday was running out I submitted a Flexible Working request which was initially refused then granted on a trial period for 3 months. The trial period was then extended for a further 6 months. That second trial period is now up for review and my boss has terminated the FW arrangement and wants me back in the office 5 days a week. I can't really argue with the reasons- small company, inability of others to cover the role in my absence, etc.

I am seeking legal advice but I am not hopeful as the arrangement was only ever temporary. I have suggested compromises eg 4 days per week which have been declined.

I honestly do not feel I can work 5 days per week. I know lots and lots and lots of people do the world over and I have been lucky to have this arrangement for a year. However I found the return to work after a year off such a shock to the system looking back I would say I was depressed for several months, crying all the time, mood swings, really felt like I couldn't cope. On aoccasion I have had to work an extra day and I have really struggled with not seeing DS. I can't imagine what full time would be like.

DH is absolutely 100% supportive and we both agree that we do not want DS to be in childcare that amount of time. I am therefore looking for other jobs but as I have been with my current employer a decade I am well paid in this role and other roles I am seeing advertised are less than half what I earn now. We will manage, we have to cut back a lot but we do currently have a comfortable lifestyle where cuts could be made.

Am I mad to walk away from a well-paid job? Am I being spoilt and precious for not wanting to work 5 days per week? Will i regret this?

I am 90% sure that leaving will be the best thing for my mental health and for DS but am just worried about regretting it.

If you understand the reasons why they've rejected it- why are you taking legal advice?

If this is just about not wanting your DS to be in fulltime childcare, can your DH submit a flexible working request?
That way, your DS could spend the same time in childcare with your DH spending the other days with him?
If everything else about the job is good, it might be worth trialling?

There isn't a universal right or wrong answer here. There's only what you and DH feel (know) is right for you.

I've done what you're contemplating. I earn less but i have
More time, and I love the work I do. I don't regret it for second.

This doesn't mean you should, or that you shouldn't. But it's not a ridiculous choice, and you're not alone. Best of luck, and trust yourself to know what's best for you and yours.

Well, you'd only be walking away from a £24,000 pa job really -- as presumably that's what you've based your calculations on, assuming you could work part time. Doesn't sound quite so mad, does it?

I would do it if I were you. I have been lucky enough to always do three days. Now my DD has started primary school I really see how precious that time with her was, as I miss it now. In retrospect, it has flown by. I also made some lovely friendships, as did she, with people we met together through groups etc. if you can afford it then I don't think you will regret it. Although check with your DH that he won't feel overly pressured by being the sole breadwinner or main one - although you do say he is completely supportive.

Please think very carefully before giving up your financial independence. Once you step off the career ladder it is very difficult to get back on again, and heaven forbid anything happen to your DH or your marriage you will regret it. Too many of us, me included, don't take on board the full implications of giving up work.

There isn't a right or wrong answer here. But I tend to think you should make a few changes and keep working FT.

Your Gp needs to know about your mental health and may recommend ad and cbt counselling.

Talking it over again with your employer with the added information about your mental health would be best for starters.

I wouldn't leave my job- these feelings of not being able to cope are temporary. You'll be fine when your DC is in school, and a part time low paid job won't cut the mustard with your dcs as they get older and need more expensive things like orthodontics.

All's well with your marriage now, but you need your financial independence and pride. It souds like your DH isn't quite pulling his weight, so that's to be renegotiated, so you don't feel so swamped.

Don't chuck it away for lack of anti depressants and a few hours more with your dcs. Honestly, they'll be fine, and you will too.

As others have said try FT out with your doctor's and bosses knowledge and advice, and see where you are then. If the anti depressants / counselling / renegotiation of day to day chores with your DH don't make a difference and you still find FT work unpalatable, then leave knowing you gave it your best shot.

4yrs into being a SAHM after being in a similarly paid role, I would say think carefully, it's a lot to give up. Could you at least give it a try for a month or two - you might be able to demonstrate (with documented evidence) after that period that 4 days is actually achievable and resubmit your FW application. Alternatively, you might come out of it able to say for certain that the 5 day week is not for you. Either way, you can leave without any 'what-if's' about the hours.

I was lucky in a way, I got made redundant so the decision about my existing job was out of my hands, although I made the decision not to look for a new one. Best of luck with whatever you choose.

As a mum of 8 (6 ft and 2 dcs eow) I have worked ft since number one was born for over 2 decades. I didn't have the choice as I was always the major earner, but given my time all over again ? I would not have done it. My dexh worked in restaurant business so was able to do a lot of child care, but actually it doesn't make it easier. I regret not being there when they did their 'firsts', constantly knackered and no time just to enjoy... My advice if you can afford it, then don't. You never get the time back. (and I have a fab, super flexible public service employer) xc

Have you actively looked for someone to job share with ?

You need to do what is right for your family but don't underestimate how hard life can be if you're permanently skint.
I'm not suggesting that you prioritise money over. The well,being of your DS but being permanently skint is not fun.

I did exactly the same last year, I walked away from a £40k job working 4 days a week which was making me ill due to utter inflexibility and took 3 months off before starting a new job. I now work 3 days a week, school hours only in a job at the same level as before. My full time salary is only £30k which upsets me as I know I am worth much more but I don't need childcare so my actual loss in my pocket is a couple of hundred £ per month, I have total flexibility - am working at home today and my CV still looks great. It has worked out very well and I know that when I am ready to step up again I won't have a gap on my CV.