Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want one night out????

41 replies

Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 18:31

I had arranged to go round a friends house with a few of the mums from my DD's school. I have no other friends than these and my sisters.
DP has known this for a week. Sent him a reminder text to make sure he gets home on time tonight (he has been working late nights all week....unpaid).
I then get a phone call at half 5 (he's meant to finish at 5) to ask what time I am going out...I say about 7. His reply - well that's not gonna happen! We have a bit of a row and he puts the phone down on me and has refused to answer my calls or texts since.
He says he still has jobs to finish with his boss and will not be back for then and has no idea what time they will be finished or be back home (he has to catch a bus which will then take 45 mins to get him home).
Great.
I haven't been out for ages and this is the first time I have been able to make a "mums meet up".
He hadn't even bothered to tell his boss he had to leave on time today as I was going out and we have no other form of childcare. I know his boss would of been fine with it as he is a family man himself and is lovely.
AIBU to think he is being very selfish and thoughtless and to be quite upset at his attitude?

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 19/09/2014 18:34

YANBU - he sounds like a knob

picnicbasketcase · 19/09/2014 18:36

Does he always put you last in the list if priorities?

BunnyLebowski · 19/09/2014 18:36

YANBU.

He sounds like a twat of the highest order.

I struggle with making friends (as in, I don't have any ) and I know DP would bend over backwards to enable me to go on a night out.

Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 18:39

He doesn't have many either (which I get the blame for) so I think he just felt like ruining it for me seeing as he didn't and doesn't have a night out to look forward to. I am in agreement that he is being a twat but I am sure he will definitely not see it that way and I will be a drama queen. I would never do that to him!

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 19/09/2014 18:40

Yanbu you poor thing, he sounds like he did this purposely so that you don't end up going. His reaction says it all. Is this how he always treats you?

JetsAndSugar · 19/09/2014 18:41

Will you go out as soon as he gets home, even though you will be late?

Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 18:42

Put it this way - Coming last in his priorities is not a new experience for me. Yes I am a fucking idiot to allow myself to be treated like I do not matter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 18:44

Oh and yes I have decided that regardless of what time he gets in I will be sat on the sofa with my coat and bag ready to walk out the door before it has even had time to shut behind him! But that is not likely to be before 9pm and then that's most of evening I have missed out on.

OP posts:
CheesyBadger · 19/09/2014 18:44

Can you get ready and wait, and go out as soon as he gets in. Show him he will not stop you

Charitybelle · 19/09/2014 18:44

Are you in a position to organise other childcare for future events? I appreciate there's not much you can do about tonight, but perhaps if it happens again, just organise a babysitter and try not to rely on him. You shouldn't have to as he should be able to look after his own dc, especially if it's not even a regular occurrence! However if you suspect he's trying to sabotage your night out, you have to make sure he doesn't get the opportunity to do it again.
I think you do need to sit down and have a long hard discussion with him about his attitude here, possibly when you've both calmed down?

LadyLuck10 · 19/09/2014 18:46

Op have a long hard think about the future with this person. What he did was very calculating and selfish. You're going to a friends place, not even out somewhere.

Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 18:53

I know : (
I could maybe understand a bit more if I was out on the town dolled up to the nines but I am going to a friends house with 4 other mums for a natter and a good giggle in my jeans and a hoodie!

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 19/09/2014 18:56

It doesnt matter if you WERE going out on the town "dolled up to the nines" You have a perfect right to do this too.

Trollinthedungeon · 19/09/2014 19:00

Why is he working unpaid?

This highlights two questions for me; is he actually working? Is he hiding money?

YANBU about your night out.

Arrange childcare with someone else for next week and tell your 'DH' the night before that you're spending time with the girls, have arranged childcare and you don't know what time you will be back.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 19/09/2014 19:00

Is there no family or friend who could maybe step in for an hour or two OP? Your DH sounds like a knob, he doesn't care that you are let down or that your friends are. He didn't even have the courtesy to say anything when he first got into work- i very much doubt he just found out now.

MaryWestmacott · 19/09/2014 19:04

Another option, call the other mums, explain your DH has "got stuck at work", offer to reschedule to your house and invite everyone over....

Then ask them for baby sitter details, someone will know someone.

Think about your future with him, he doesn't seem to like you.

Carriemac · 19/09/2014 19:04

Just get a babysitter!

MaryWestmacott · 19/09/2014 19:07

Carrie mac, good advise for the future, if the op has no babysitter details to hand, hard to do tonight. Op, find a way to enjoy your night, and do think about calling and asking them to yours, if it was just a night in at one of the other mums, then so long as her DP was around to watch her dcs I can see why they would say no.

Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 19:07

I have a sister and called her but she was already getting ready to go out herself. My other sister lives the other side of town. My mum works evenings so a no go there to. My PIL live in France.
I just would not contemplate doing this to him. He works for a plumbing firm but was taken on a buyer 9-5 office based. The boss now has taken him out on a few jobs to help him as they get on very well and DP has an NVQ in plumbing so enjoys gaining knowledge and experience (which I am all for) but he does not get paid after 5pm. The earliest he has been home this week is 8pm. One night was all I wanted!

OP posts:
Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 19:11

I couldn't have everyone round here - I could only imagine the drama of him coming home late to find a group of merry ladies in his living room. He wouldn't be shy of making his feelings known and I am sure would embarrass me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Missymoo1987 · 19/09/2014 19:12

I also have 2 very large dogs - soft as anything but I have never considered a babysitter as fear they would never want to have to deal with my 2 slobbering lumps as well as my children - they'd probably want extra pay!

OP posts:
hormonalandneedingcheese · 19/09/2014 19:13

Can't you just text him 'since you let me down, I've invited them over. If you don't want to be sociable to the ladies then don't come back until X time.'

SquirrelWearingATrilby · 19/09/2014 19:54

He's either a total c*nt or is shagging around. No-one does unpaid overtime every fucking night. Especially when their DP has planned to go out.

I hope you do go out - and arrange babysitters for your next time so he can't put a spanner in the works.

MaryWestmacott · 19/09/2014 20:26

Op, babysitters can deal with dogs if the dogs are safe around people! Honestly, ask around for recommendations and the tell the babysitters about the dogs. It should be fine.

Re him kicking off to find the woman at yours, he sounds like a dick with no manners and no respect for you. Is this being a dick a new thing or had he always been like this?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/09/2014 20:29

Hope he is back soon for you! He sounds a right fucking charmer.