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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..wanting to kill husband for 'accidentally' taking my car keys

65 replies

AngryAngryWife · 19/09/2014 08:49

Went to leave for work this morning, and couldn't find my keys. Searched everywhere in a mad panic only go realise they were not here. Text husband querying whether he's seen my keys and he picked up my keys as well as his own this morning. It was a 'mistake'.

Beyond annoyed. Needed to drop 1 year old son at childminders and I also give work colleague a lift. Had to call colleague saying I couldn't take them in today, advise childminder we were going to be late, call in late to work (I work in a call centre so that was fun), and am now waiting for my man-child of a husband to return on the train with my keys.

All he has to do in the morning is get himself ready and dressed in the clothes I've ironed/had dry cleaned for him. I get up an hour earlier, get myself ready, sort my son out, take him to the child minders and then get myself to work. I'm also responsible for picking my son up and sorting him out before bed, as my husband is never home before 8.

AIBU to be furious at his 'mistake'. If he had taken even the smallest bit of care and attention this could have been avoided.

OP posts:

OddFodd · 19/09/2014 09:28

I don't know where you keep your keys but could you put some hooks up and then he has his hook and you have yours?

It is very careless not to realise that you've got two bunches of keys with you (if that's what you meant!)

SanityClause · 19/09/2014 09:29

I think you should both do a sicky and take a day off together. Your life sounds like a struggle when it should be a nice time for you all. Is there anything you can do to take off the pressure?

What planet are you on, DaughtersDilemma? How is taking a sicky going to help? And lots of people have suggested ways of taking the pressure off the OP - y'know, like her DH sharing the morning work with her, instead of sitting back and expecting her to do it all herself.

Angry, I agree with others. I am far more willing to forgive DH, and give him the benefit of the doubt for mistakes like this, now that he pulls his weight more around the house.

mandy214 · 19/09/2014 09:35

I'd kill him too, although when my DH did it, he was on a train to London for an over-nighter with work. My sister had to talk me down from having divorce papers prepared whilst he was away .

He left me with a baby, and 2 x 4 year olds. The first day was a non-work day, but I had to walk 1.5 miles to school and back (and they were half an hour late). 2nd day I should have been at work (I commute 100+ miles by car), had to book a day off. All because he'd made a mistake too.

I agree that in isolation, its a pain in the neck, but not disastrous. But husband / wife mistakes that impact on the other can rarely be considered in isolation so no, YANBU because you're obviously knackered and a bit resentful of his lack of help generally. That's what you need to sort. Hope your day gets better.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 19/09/2014 09:37

Oddfodd, I expect his keys were in his bag, say, then he spotted the keys, patted his coat pocket, thought they were his and grabbed them?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 19/09/2014 09:41

Does no one have spare keys?

OwlCapone · 19/09/2014 09:41

It must be wonderful to be so perfect you never make a mistake.

Original poster

AngryAngryWife · 19/09/2014 09:42

Made it into work. And only 30 mins late.

The 'mistake' in apostrophes, was to indicate lack of care. I don't tend to make basic mistakes like these because I plan and organise. I allow enough time in the morning to check what I'm doing, not grab the first keys on hand etc.

I do the ironing as he'll leave it until five minutes before leaving and then everything will be even more hectic/shambolic in the morning.

He does need to help out more though. He makes out like I'm an OCD cleaner for wanting to do things like put things back in the same place, prepare the night before etc. But I do this stuff so that mornings like today are a one-off. If I left it to him, we'd have a hectic rat race every morning.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 19/09/2014 09:42

What's....exactly

Jux · 19/09/2014 09:43

Stop ironing. Seriously.

Only1scoop · 19/09/2014 09:46

Yes stop doing so much....

Makes you sound a bit martyrish and you probably aren't....

Jux · 19/09/2014 09:46

You wouldn't have a hectic rat race in the mornings. He would. You can serenely sail along while he runs about trying to iron and you ignore him. And then one day he'll see that he could organise himself like you do, and you'll both have nice organised mornings.

Original poster

AngryAngryWife · 19/09/2014 09:47

And he has the spare keys, on his keyring. Even though he never drives the car during the week. That's going to need to change.

OP posts:

ramrod757 · 19/09/2014 09:47

Does no one have spare keys?

This. What have you people done with the 2nd keys?

partialderivative · 19/09/2014 09:48

I don't tend to make basic mistakes like these because I plan and organise.

Everyone makes basic mistakes, assuming they are human.

Only1scoop · 19/09/2014 09:50

He doesn't need to 'help out' he needs to help himself....

Get the keys filed away.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 19/09/2014 09:53

HappyAgain seriously?

Would you ask the same question if the gender roles were reversed here? If he had put the cuddly toy on his keyring?

I'm wondering whether you're having a laugh, curious about a detail that is really quite insignificant or whether this is feminism gone to pot.

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2014 09:53

It really was "accidentally" and a "mistake"; he'd hardly have travelled back home to get the keys back to you, would he? . What was in it for him if you're so convinced the poor sod did it on purpose?
I do stuff like this all the time, if my dh reacted like you I'd walk.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 19/09/2014 09:55

He keeps the spare keys with his keys?

Why?!?

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 19/09/2014 09:56

Flogging, she hasn't said "on purpose".

Sillysausage2 · 19/09/2014 09:57

DH makes the same sort of mistakes all the time too. Went to work with the car seat in his car last week despite it being right behind the drivers seat and me reminding him 3 times.
I have spare car keys but there's no house key on it

sanfairyanne · 19/09/2014 09:57

car keys cost hundreds of pounds
no way we would have three sets of car keys

op, you are pissed off because you are running the show and he just has to organise getting himself up and dressed. start delegating and make him sort out his own fuck ups

LadyLuck10 · 19/09/2014 10:00

I think you are being way ott for something that seems a genuine mistake. He is human and makes mistakes just like you but you seem to think you don't.

Last week I put both houskeys in my bag and went off. DH got home, realized this and called me. I didn't pick up for almost two hours. My lovely DH got a coffee and sat in the nearby park. No ranting and raving because we all make mistakes.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2014 10:10

LadyLuck... my husband is also more laid back than me and would do as yours did, no hard feelings. He locked me in once by mistake and I was raging at his thoughtlessness. I need to be nicer.

needastrongone · 19/09/2014 10:12

OP - CHILL!! I have a DH like this. I am the opposite, I like to be sorted and organised.

I let him scurry around in a little whirlwind of dis-organisation, while I sort myself out (the DC are teens, they also sort themselves out).

If he's working until 8pm each night, then that's working hard. Presumably for the good of his family?

In addition to being bloomin' messy and forgetful, DH is also kind, thoughtful, caring, funny and devoted to his family. The fact that he is so dis-organised and untidy drives me nuts, but we all operate in a different way, and his many good points far outweigh the negatives.

Which I try to remember.

DH would argue that he wishes I wouldn't have to plan so much, and just go with the flow more

It sounds like you have more issues than the key thing? You seem a bit cross with your DH.

Original poster

AngryAngryWife · 19/09/2014 10:12

LadyLuck- bit of a difference between needing to get home and being late for work. I'm agency staff in a call centre. Lateness is a sackable offence.

OP posts:

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