School not letting Reception Yr parents past the school gate.

[WideAwakeNow]

DS started school last week and we still have tears and him clinging to my leg like a limpet every morning at drop off. Seeing him this morning trying to contain his sobs on the walk to school was heartbreaking.

On his first day parents were told that we could take them into the classroom and help them find their peg etc. from that point on we have not been allowed past the school entrance for either pick up or drop off. After school the teacher brings them out and they can go out of the gate when they see us and teacher does too. This is in quite a constricted space with 60 parents all jostling each other to spot their kid . Teacher is some distance back from gate so it is impossible to have a word with her. All communication is through a 'home/school book'.

It's the mornings that I have a real problem as apparently some of the Yr 6s are supposed to 'help' the DC to their classrooms, some of them sobbing like DS, with a few teachers standing around at the gate. On his 2nd morning, there were no Yr 6s around to take DS so a teacher he did not know directed him to walk in on his own whilst sobbing. I saw this from the gate and had to go in and ask them to send an adult to make sure DS had got to his class OK because I was worried about him getting lost.

When I have queried why little 4 year olds are having to make their own way through the school into class without a parent (along a long corridor, then outside, and then through another corridor) I was told it was due to 'health and safety'.

I am getting seriously pissed off with it now as I want to able to take DS into his classroom, help him sort himself out (they have to change shoes into indoor shoes and he does not do them up properly so comes out with shoes half on as well) and say goodbye knowing he is settled. This is what I have done with my 3 older DC at other schools and is the norm for Reception DC IME. I do not remember this being mentioned at the 'taster' sessions and just took it for granted I would be taking him into at least the playground in the morning.

FFS parents have waited in the playground for their DC for millennia! Is there really such an increased risk these days that no parent is allowed beyond the school gate!

This the school that sent my DS home with a turd in his book bag (they did apologise).

So AIBU and should I complain. None of the other parents are complaining even though there are plenty of other upset DC at drop off. How come it is just me that thinks this wrong and just a ploy so the teachers don't to have to deal with anxious parents which is surely par for the course?

Hoards of anxious parents in the classroom won't really help them get settled in and get used to the routine. Even if they don't have an anxious child you can guarantee that given the opportunity parents will go into the class for a look round.

I'm sure they've not lost any children yet.

Teach him how to do up the shoes

Write in the home/school communication book.

We'll just to be able to wave goodbye to him through the classroom window would be enough!

Surely this is not the norm though?

Could you not overcome the obstacles instead? Shoes that he can do up himself, a goodbye 'routine' which you do before you get to the gate etc. How long do you anticipate this extra settling going on for?

It sounds a bit disorganised.

Parents have never been allowed inside AT&T children's school but in infants they wait at the edge of the playground. The playground is supervised from a certain time by two teachers & then the whistle is blown, they all line up. & each class teacher leads their class in hand holding the more reluctant/tearful children.

The sane process happens in juniors except parents arnt allowed inside the playground but its well supervised. & they are all led in by their class teacher.

Oh you poor thing. You're obviously having anxiety separation .

As someone said, establish his routine before you have to leave him. Buy shoes that he can manage. Speak to the school about having designated ""Year 6 buddies""

He will grow into an independent, confident child in no time at all.

In our school parents went into classrooms all through reception and only in year one are they encouraged to drop at the door of the classroom. This sounds a bit too much too soon.

We have the opposite problem at our school (at least is ds2s year) in that parents were always allowed to take children in and help them find their pegs etc. This is still happening with some children despite the fact they are in year 3!

When ds1 was younger we were allowed to settle them in for a week. This worked well actually and they all managed well (dc and parents alike )

Not being allowed in the playground seems a little extreme though!

Maybe a happy medium is needed.

I think it sounds unfair and very different from our experience of reception. Please can you tell us about the turd in the book bag.

For dd2 all the parents in the classroom was too much and unsettled her, plus I don't think a prolonged farewell in the classroom is always helpful for those children who are upset. When mine have been upset (and they have all been through it) a sympathetic but firm goodbye and a nice TA to peel them off you is generally best.

Having said that this is very early in the term and I think that to negotiate his way through the school alone is taking the independence too far. I would suggest that they arrange for the yr6 to keep coming back in shifts and to keep the dc in a group to wait for the next yr6 rather than send them off alone. Or a farewell at the classroom door. I think going in to the classroom for a prolonged period is somewhat counterproductive but making sure that he gets to the classroom is reasonable.

I am intrigued about the turd in bookbag. I would love to hear their explanation.

He has Velcro strap shoes. He can put them on at home with time not sure how long they give them in class.

He is only 4.1 so admittedly I do have separation anxiety myself and do want to see that he is in his classroom safely. I have been used to taking DC into class in Reception and waiting in playground in later years, not to be able to take him past the school gates is ridiculous IMO. It is very chaotic in the mornings at the gates and unnecessarily stressful for DC and parents I think.

It sounds terrible.

We just moved and I'm so happy with the school my dd's go to now. Dd2 has just started in reception, parents are allowed into the classroom for the first 15 minutes of everyday, we can play with them, help them change their book, meet their friends and other parents. My dd1 is in yr5, and we can go into her class for the first 15 mins, 2 days a week, she can show us her work, chat to the teacher etc. I think it's a great policy, and I haven't seen any little ones bawling their eyes out, it all seems to work very well.

'Turdgate' was my discovery of his boxers in a carrier bag with a large turd inside them. The whiff when I opened his book bag gave it away but I was not expecting it as teacher did not speak to me, it was detailed in his home book. He had had an accident as he did not want to use the loos as he said they were dirty. He also had not been wiped down and had a poo encrusted sore bum. Never had poo accidents prior to this, his 3rd day at school. I complained as surely they could have tipped the turd down to loo not left it festering in his bag since lunchtime!

My sympathies are entirely with you but I can understand why parents actually in the classroom might be unsettling for other children. My DD would find that many strange adults really difficult and would require my protection from them...I'm sure she's not alone. However, I do think you should be allowed to come to the classroom door and it's outrageous that there isn't at least an adequate substitute 'parent' figure there to help him. I would be re-thinking the whole school. In relation to not being allowed into the playground at the day's end, I can understand the thinking there but again, the system they are using sounds lazy and inadequate. Couldn't the children line up and parents form a queue? As each parent comes forward the teacher could sign the child out. Wouldn't that be safer? Disorganisation there just sounds so dangerous, never mind their health and safety (i.e. school's convenience and insurance).

It sounds terribly harsh to me. FWIW at DS's school parents were welcome in the classroom for 15 minutes before registration throughout reception and Y1. It is only now in Y2 that they don't encourage us to help them with their first task of the day, but you can still come into the classroom with them and see anything they want to show you for a few minutes. Rather than the classroom being filled with anxious parents, as someone suggested up-thread, it has just been a lively enthusiastic atmosphere to start the day.

Could you perhaps make an appointment to see the Head to find out why they do things as they do, and maybe come up with some ideas for a health and safety approved way that would also help the unsettled children?

This is awful and I say this as a parent who never has never had to take my children into class, we lived in America, so Good bye at School bus, moved to UK half way through year 1 mid term so no real settling in period.
However I have friends who's children really would not cope with this until confident in most cases this doesn't seem to last more than a few weeks.

I actually give this advice to all people hit with the Health and Safety card, (part of my job is H&S) say "oh, okay can I see the risk assessment?"
If not forthcoming ask in writing, I can almost guarantee they don't have one and if they do fine, read it it gives you a clear picture of the reasons and if farcical you can challenge, with facts.
It's not a quick fix but might stop them using H&S get out if jail free again.., it is amazing how few people ever challenge

There is direct access from the classroom outside. I would feel happier leaving him like that rather than at the gate.

He is 24th on the waiting list for next nearest school which does allow parents into the school and 15th for the next nearest school after that. Next 2 schools are in special measures with behavioural problems highlighted. The school he goes to is 'good' on the ofsted report. I have older DC to get to school too across town which I have to take into account. I have thought seriously about taking him out as he is not 5 until the end of next July but he will obviously miss out on a lot having to start in Yr 1.

He is just too tiny!

I do have some sympathy but I have the opposite problem.

My dcs school has 50 children in reception, 2 classes in one shared, large classroom with one door to get in and out. 50 children taking in at least one adult (some have two or even three!) means a minimum of 100 people in the classroom at the start of the day. 100 people bunched into the tiny cloakroom area, in front of pegs, the milk table and the picture register board, the toilets, the carpet where they're meant to sit, some who are stressed out and shouting at their own dc - how intimidating must that be for small 4 and 5 year olds? It's stressful enough for me as an adult let alone my dd3 who although already 5 is one of the smallest in the class. I would love it if all parents were banned from going into the classroom and I think it would lead to a better start to the day for all the children.

I do think not being allowed into the playground is a bit harsh but in your shoes I think I'd be asking questions about the lack of year 6 buddies and reception staff at the gate rather than asking for access to the classroom.

I would loathe a routine of taking children into class and staying with them for 15 mins. DD would find that more distressing than the routine we have established of a chat on the walk to school about how she is feeling and what she is looking forward to doing today; big hug and kiss at the gate and a wave as she goes in.

OP, you need to work on the routine - if you are anxious DS will pick up on this, so even though it's hard you need to find a way to be happy and confident for him.

I'm sure he isn't walking around with his shoes hanging off him all day.

We cannot take our ds into his class which bothers me a bit.

But we are allowed to wait in the playground with ds and the teacher opens the door and greets each child personally before letting them in and telling them what to do (go and hang your bag up). Similar for pick up.

Is there a head of reception you can talk to? The turd incident would be enough to annoy me. What's their Ofsted like? Pastoral care? Kick up a fuss.

It is what happens at my dds school. It just wouldn't be physically possible for parents to be in playground/classroom even if the council decided to ok it. I feel for your little one as it is tough.

Another issue with allowing parents into the class room is that many children would feel upset because their parents wouldn't be able to make it due to work commitments or younger children so it could be quite devisive?

I agree that all the parents in the classroom sounds like a very bad idea, and might well be a H&S issue (most rooms have a maximum capacity and there could be issues with fire exits too).

However not allowing parents into the playground seems a bit draconian and not having a teacher escort into class just seems wrong. My children are at high school now, but at infant/juniors they lined up in the playground when the whistle went and then followed their teacher into class. The reception class had their own little area of the playground and that's where we picked up from after school (we stood outside the little gate and children were brought across to us). Not enough time to talk much, but fine for a word or two or to make an appointment if needed.

The school did have quite a lot of space around it though with lots of classrooms opening onto the playground so having all the children go in at pretty much the same time wasn't an issue.