Thehorsedentist - I am so sorry - I know how much it hurts. I have parents who do exactly the same thing. After much heartbreak, I have finally settled on the idea that my parents are stupidly selfish, they haven't got much of a relationship with my children, and it is their fault. I have tried and tried to make a relationship happen with them and my kids, but it is just too heartbreaking. They just don't deserve to know my lovely children the way I do, because they won't take the time to know them.
One weekend, when I asked my mum to give me a hand (four young children, husband away for work), she made some excuse. She lives nearly 2 hours away, so that's fine, but then who did I bump into at the petrol station? My bloody mother, who couldn't spare an hour to visit.
I will never understand it, but I have decided that I have learnt from my mum and dad, how not to be as a grandparent, and I give my children all the love and security they need.
I also have to be the one who calls them. My dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer, but all the details have been passed on through my sister. My mum can't even call me about that.
I don't have an answer other than trying to maintain an emotional distance so my children and I are not hurt by their selfishness. I have even thought about finding "surrogate" grandparents for my children, but we have a lovely network of friends who clearly love and care for my children, so we'll stick with that.
