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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to accept a job offer today when I have a interview next week...

27 replies

vindscreenviper · 18/09/2014 15:05

... for a much better job.
I know that I can't really say no to the offer because I may not get the dream job next week, but I feel a bit shitty accepting this job knowing that I will drop it in a heartbeat before I even start if I am successful next Friday.
I've never been in this position before, so AIBU to accept this job but secretly hope I will be contacting them next week to say I've changed my mind?
I appreciate that this is a first-world problem that many people would like to have, but to be honest I only posted hoping that lots of HR people would reply saying "No, YANBU, I never loathe and detest the selfish bastards who waste everbody's time doing this"

OP posts:

sunbathe · 18/09/2014 15:07

A bird in the hand...

Johnogroats · 18/09/2014 15:08

Can't you delay responding for a week? I was in your position, and when I got the offer said that I needed to think about it. Ultimately I didn't get the other job and the original company was delighted when I belatedly accepted.

CromerSutra · 18/09/2014 15:16

I'd do what JohnOgroats suggests, then you're not lying and worrying about having to drop the bombshell. It's a difficult situation though isn't it, I feel frustrated on your behalf, well done on the offer though!

Original poster

vindscreenviper · 18/09/2014 15:20

I might do that John, I would be procrastinating for over a week though so that might look a bit off?
It's worth a try though, see if they push for an answer or wait for me to get back to them.
Thanks.

OP posts:

ArtyBat · 18/09/2014 15:20

Can you not see yourself in a sort of reverse interview, where you are the Management/interviewer, rather than the applicant/interviewee?

Just as management line up several people so that they can select the best, you have the potential of 2 jobs to accept, with the best one obviously being the one to take.

I would accept the first and then, if you are offered the second one and you take it you can withdraw from the first, as they will probably then offer it to the one you just pipped to the post as it were.

Good luck

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 15:25

Look, you can only make a decision when you have choices. Until you have choices, you have no decision to make.

daisychain01 · 18/09/2014 15:47

I personally would secure the first job nowHopefully you are on 1 month's notice?

With that in the bag, then you can go along to the second interview and pull out all the stops to really impress them, secure in the knowledge you do have a new job to go to, whatever the outcome. I would try to get some indication from them regarding their process, in case they need to do second interviews.

There is a risk that Job 2 process takes you right up to the wire as regards your Job 1 start date. I would hope by then that you would have a reasonable idea if Job 2 want you back for a 2nd interview If it gets too close, then contact Job2 to see if they can give you an update.

You could justify chasing by saying you are right in the middle of interviews so it would be helpful to know where you stand.

You will also know by then how keen you are about Job 2. You may find that Job 2 is less attractive after all, or your boss isn't as nice, etc The main thing is that you have a new job to start!

oddsocksmostly · 18/09/2014 15:48

I was once offered a job a week after my interview, it was only later I realised that it had been offered to somebody else first, who had turned it down.

Original poster

vindscreenviper · 18/09/2014 16:02

I do have to give a months notice daisychain so that buys me some time, I should know if I've bagged Job 2 before then. I will make a note to ask about 2nd interviews/lead time next week - thanks for the tip, I'd have been so busy trying to impress that I might have forgotten to ask.

OP posts:

chesterberry · 18/09/2014 16:22

I don't think it's right to accept a job and then to leave it if you get the better job next week.

How would you feel if a firm offered you a job knowing they were interviewing a dream candidate the following week and consequently phoned you to say you didn't have the job after all a week later?

In my mind it's the same principle and if you have said yes you should mean yes and stop looking for other jobs. If possible delay accepting the job until after your next interview but otherwise I think you need to make a decision about whether to accept this job and not go to the other interview or whether to say no thanks to this job and just hope you get the next one.

MrsPiggie · 18/09/2014 16:25

Just be honest with them and say you are looking at several options and need some time to decide. Of course, if job 2 has several stages of interviews it may take you weeks before you know if you've got it, no one is going to wait for you for that long, but they may be willing to wait for a week or two.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/09/2014 16:43

Chester - I think that is very poor advice. What if OP turned down the job offer now on the basis that she prefers the other job but then doesn't get it? That would be awful. Employers know that potential employees are usually looking at more than one possible job and shouldn't be offended if OP says she is also waiting to hear about about another interview, or accepts the offer and then has to turn it down as her dream job comes up

WiseGuysHighRise · 18/09/2014 17:01

In work we recruited someone at exec level after an intensive and expensive search. They accepted. Had 3 mth notice period. We said ok. One week before starting they said they weren't coming after all. THAT was annoying!

You're only talking a week. Most places would offer it to the second placed candidate within that timescale.

daisychain01 · 18/09/2014 17:21

My FWIW belief is that it is not unethical to change your mind regarding jobs. Unlike the scenario of "accepting a better invitation" - on that one, I would always honour the first invitation I accepted, because it is on a personal level.

A company is a business, a money-making machine. They aren't actually bothered about people's feelings, it isn't a bad thing it is just life. They don't abide by the rules because they are "lovely people", they only keep to their job-offer because they are bound by employment law. They have no choice.

Situations do change, if a candidate gets a better offer it isn't any intention to cause offense, you are doing what is best for your personal circumstances and protecting your position. You will be making 'Candidate # 2's day - let's face it, HR will always have a #2 and even #3 on a standby list. They will forget the temporary hassle within about 5 minutes!

vindscreenviper - hope this isn't too 'obvious' but make sure you receive Job #1's offer letter in writing, won't you. Then you have that one in the bag. I hope you get a choice, it's a great morale booster to know you are good for 2 jobs

Fluffyears · 18/09/2014 17:22

It happens regularly. I've picked candidates set wheels in motion only for them to tell me they had another offer. I just go onto next candidate.

daisychain01 · 18/09/2014 17:23

... and get Job#2's offer letter in your hand, before declining Job#1 of course (again, sorry if that's stating the bleedin' obvious he-he). You'll be fine!

reddaisy · 18/09/2014 17:26

YANBU. Put yourself first, no business is ever going to do that for you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 17:29

I don't think it's right to accept a job and then to leave it if you get the better job next week.

Ridiculously bad advice! The employer usually has several candidates that they can pick up the phone to. That's like saying you should never leave a job because the poor employer might have to recruit someone else.

OP - until you have another offer that's the only one you have. Don't be daft and tell them you are still looking - play your cards close to your chest and make a decision if you have a decision to make. Right now, you don't.

emsiewill · 18/09/2014 17:31

I was once recruiting for a hard to fill position (because of skills required). 3 different people accepted the job - signed the contract, agreed starting date, one of them even went to an in house training day. All 3 of them dropped out before starting.

As an employer it was a desperate time. But in the end it worked out for the best - we promoted someone internally & I think the 3 were obviously not really passionate about the role, so wouldn't have stayed long anyway.

So I think you should do the best thing for you. Job 1 will be annoyed if you accept and then withdraw, but they will get over it & move on soon enough.

amyhamster · 18/09/2014 17:33

Definitely accept the first job

At the end of the day you might not get the second job & then where will you be?!!

onepotatotwopotato · 18/09/2014 17:44

Is job offer 1 a verbal offer at this stage?

In which case, you'd be perfectly reasonable to say verbally you'd like to accept, but would formalise your acceptance once a written offer has been made. Puts the timescale back in their court - and my experience is that getting a written offer can be terribly drawn out.

You may have been offered job 2 by the time you even get a written offer from job 1!

And to add to PP, don't even contemplate handing in your notice to your existing employer until you have a written offer in your hand.

chesterberry · 18/09/2014 18:31

Maybe it depends on the sort of job you are going for. I am a teacher and all of the advice I have ever been given is that it is an absolute no-no to do this in case the first employer tells the second employer and then neither want you.

I accepted a job at a school and cancelled the interview I had at another potentially better school the next day in the same situation and most of my teacher friends have also been in this situation. Perhaps in other roles the expected etiquette regarding accepting jobs is different though.

daisychain01 · 18/09/2014 22:34

I think you are onto something there chesterberry, academia is a different ball-game isn't it - staff are likely to network, go to similar events and mingle 'across the boundaries' in local areas, so word probably gets around really quickly and people know eac hother in a 'non-competitive' context.

Commerce is a different set up - I think (if I'm reading vindscreenviper's situation correctly) Job 1 and 2 are with two separate companies, so it would be unlikely that information would spread around in quite the same way within the space of only a few weeks.

vsv it would be nice to know how things turn out. Did you accept Job 1 today?

Bulbasaur · 18/09/2014 22:46

I've had a similar situation. I accepted a job then landed a nice interview and dropped the first job. There were no hard feelings when I explained to the hiring manager that I was quitting. He went and hired the next person he had in mind and we stayed on good terms.

Original poster

vindscreenviper · 19/09/2014 14:43

Thanks for the advice everyone, I was going to officially give notice on my current job today but after reading your replies I decided to wait for the written offer from Job 1 first . I emailed Job 1 this morning to let them know I would like a written offer with details of pay & conditions ASAP so I could hand in my notice and be ready to start after 1 month, so the ball is in their court now and I'm going to focus on preparing for the interview next week.
Thanks again vipers!

OP posts:

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