WIBU to ask this of DD's teacher?

[Stinkle]

Sorry, this is going to be long

DD2 is 9 and has just started in year 5. She has some quite complicated learning needs, and also struggles with anxiety.

She's really routine focused and when things happen that are different or unexpected she gets horribly anxious. This is usually panic about things going wrong - things like will mum forget to pick me up from school? Will my hamster die? Have I got spiders in my hair? Is Nanny OK? (My grandmother who is now quite elderly and frail and has been having some health issues lately). She gets quite obsessive and this builds and builds and builds until she becomes overwhelmed and then completely breaks down.

One of the things that the Ed Psych recommended was a picture chart which shows her what's happening now, and what's happening next - she has problems processing too much information given to her in one go, so we have to give this information to her in small chunks. We have a chart at home and last year she had one in school - worked brilliantly and she was much less anxious.

So this year. It hasn't gone so well. New classroom, new teacher, new expectations, rules and routines and she's found it all really difficult. She always finds those first few weeks in a new class really hard and needs a bit of support to begin with. I had a meeting at the beginning of the year with her new teacher and the SENCo to discuss her needs, etc, and the teacher made it clear that she didn't want to continue with the chart and felt that DD would soon get used to the timetable and routine in her class. SENCo was great and really supported me, and in the end the teacher reluctantly agreed that she'd continue with the chart for the first few weeks then we'd revisit it after half term. Fine, once she gets used to new routines she's fine, so no problem.

On Tuesday I picked DD up from school and I could see that she'd not had a great day and the TA mentioned that she'd had a bad afternoon. The obsessing about Nanny/hamster/spiders/etc started on the way home and ended with a full blown meltdown when we got home. It turned out that her usual teacher wasn't in the classroom for the afternoon as she had some planned non-contact time. DD had come back from lunch to find a different teacher - DD loves this teacher - she was in this teacher's class last year so no issues with the teacher or the change, but she wasn't expecting it and it was 'different'.

I had another meeting with teacher yesterday (at her instigation) and I mentioned Tuesday and wondered that where possible, could DD be warned about changes like this.

Obviously, things happen unexpectedly and we can't control everything and sometimes, with the best will in the world, stuff just happens. That's fine, we'll deal with that, but in instances like this, where the change is planned and known about in advance, is it really that difficult to accommodate?

All was that when they're changing the pictures on the chart to say something like "it'll be maths this afternoon, but I won't be in the classroom so when you come back from lunch X will be here"

The teacher refused point blank and made it clear that she thought I was completely unreasonable to even ask.

Agree with everyone else that the teacher is very, very wrong here.
You must arrange to sse the HT if your dd's class teacher is refusing to make such minor and very reasonable adjustments to meet your dd's needs.

Scnool Action and School Action Plus have been merged to form 'SEN Support' under the 2014 Code of Practice. Some school/Local Authorities are continuing with IEPs. Pupil Passports are useful things but a different purpose. The new Code doesn't dictate what documents you have to use / what they are called, but there should be a document, whatever name they give to it.

Op you cam apply independently of the school for the stated assessment. if you look on your local authority website it should give you the info

also it might be worth looking into whether you have an organisation called Parent Partnership in your area. I have had brief dealings with them in my area and they are a fantastic support. ime they are mostly ex teachers/social workers and other such professionals with a breadth of experience and can be invaluable at getting through the red tape of stat assessment as well as supporting you in getting the right support at school

Thanks all!

I've just spoken to Parent Partnership, they've been fab and I'm a lot clearer with all the ins and outs. They've offered to come with me to my meeting on Monday. Thanks for the suggestion!

DD isn't academically able - she has a delay in all areas, school were talking about global delay?

She also has sensory problems, absolutely no working memory and zero concentration amongst others things. Initially she ticked every box for dyspraxia, but when she had the OT assessment it was fine.

The anxiety is the real killer at the moment though. It was her harvest assembly this morning and she'd been given a really small part in her class's section and she'd been really excited about it. Unfortunately she just couldn't do it and sat in tears the whole way through. I was stuck at the back of the hall and it was just horrible. One of the TAs dealt with it and she was fine by the end, I know that me getting involved would have only made it worse, but i just wanted to scoop her up and take her home

Doctors tonight

Glad they were useful for you hun! Here's hoping that the meeting goes well and you get the support in place for your dd.

It definitely sounds like there are more issues going on with her. Global Delay is basically the umbrella term for what you are describing in terms of her being delayed in all areas. There is a condition called Global Development Delay and it is something that is often misdiagnosed as ASD so it is worth getting some input from her GP. You need to absolutely push for the stat assessment and do not take no for an answer! Keep nagging at them until they start listening. If they still refuse then I would strongly suggest that you research schools in your area with SEN centres and try and get her into them as they will be much better at helping with the assessments!

Have a look at the schools SEND Policy as well. Should be on their website.

This thread has reminded me to go and buy some stick on velcro for a child's pictorial timetable because the old one is getting shabby and there are new pictures to add. If it's needed it's needed and most teachers realise that though a child can seem ok with stuff at school, often they are storing up tension and anxiety which comes out later.

In some defence, however, in a busy classroom you have often managed to juggle and remember nine things but have slipped up on the tenth. And if anyone cares to say that to slip up on anything is unforgivable, that is a counsel of perfection which is wholly unreasonable. So, opting out of a routine that has been proven to be essential to a child's wellbeing - why would you do that? Occasionally slipping up on details because you are dealing with 20 plus children who all might have little crises from time to time - that's life which is messy sometimes.

Sorry OP, YANBU and it does not sound as if the teacher is very understanding or helpful. Has CT time been cut in your DDs school by any chance? We are being asked to make do with a lot less this year and it is detrimental to both the children who need close support and the classes as a whole.

Maybe the teacher is one of the type who "don't believe in" certain types of behavioural/emotional extra needs? Hence her "toughen up" attitude.

She needs an attitude adjustment, IME, and your request was a perfectly reasonable one under the circumstances. Hope you get a good outcome for your DD2.

I mean CA time.

Can't believe a teacher is choosing to ignore the advice of the SENCO and parents! Particularly in the current climate! The changes to SEND provision make the teacher wholly responsible for the progress of students so by refusing to help your daughter settle in a way that she is comfortable with she's actually screwing herself when it comes to pm. Now that we're on prp this seems incredibly stupid thing for a teacher to do. All that and it's just incredibly mean and unprofessional IMO As a teacher myself I think YANBU but the teacher is BVVVU!

goblin anxiety in children is not always the result if trauma. Ds1 has regular phases of anxiety linked to specific worries, choking, poisoning. He has a tic disorder, possibly tourettes, and anxiety and OCD often go along with this.

I haven't read the thread, but the teacher is refusing to differentiate. She could implement a strategy that's been proven to work for your DD, but won't do so. It's her job to plan for SEN.

Thanks all!

Parent Partnership have emailed me a load of information - timescales and procedures, so I know what I'm asking for and will keep pushing hard.

The visual timetable is now on her PP which is all signed and I'll keep an eye on it

In fairness, the teacher is lovely. My DD1 had her in year 5 and she was brilliant. I guess some kids get on better with some teachers than others.

The school has also been great in terms of support and they've thrown loads at her, but with things like intervention, she does really well in the groups, but as soon as that comes to an end, she's right back at square one. We were lucky last year in that there was 2 TAs in the class so more hands to go round and she pretty much had 1-1 support.

The GP was lovely and has written a letter for me to take to school, but she wants the EP assessment to go ahead before she makes a referral to CAMHS. GP thinks the anxiety may be related to her learning difficulties - the older DD has got, the more aware that she is a long way behind she has got

I missed the earlier post asking what had happened to make her so anxious - I don't know. Nothing major has ever happened - no deaths/divorce/etc or anything like that.

She struggles socially, walking into a classroom full of children makes her anxious. She also takes things at face value and doesn't realise when people are joking - one of her school friends tickled her neck and said "spiders" to her. It was part of a game, they were all doing it to each other, but she didn't "get it" - huge panic, nightmares for about a week that she had spiders on her. She just finds stuff like that difficult and it makes her anxious, then she worries that she'll get anxious, and round and round we go - the whole phoning my Nan, checking on the hamster routine begins.

Anyway. Meeting Monday, see how that goes.

Thanks again