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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over this Twitter message?

79 replies

Meh84 · 17/09/2014 07:25

It was my Nan's funeral yesterday, it was a lovely service and we went all out at the wake to celebrate her life, lots of people there, music, good food etc.

My dad and his brothers organised a balloon release, everyone wrote a message and attached it, and then we let them of together. It was such a beautiful sight and very emotional.

So last night I wrote on Twitter about said release and how Nan would've loved the music and celebrations.

I woke this morning to someone telling me off for littering and about how much wildlife would suffer because of it.

I got angry and wrote a response back, asking him politely to fuck off.

Were we being inreasonable to do this balloon release? I was thinking more of my poor nan and not any wildlife!

It's still very raw this morning, and it seems he targets anyone who writes balloon release in their tweets and gives them a lecture with no regards as to what the realease meant to the people who have done it.

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 17/09/2014 08:26

Meh I am really sorry to hear about your Nan Flowers I'm glad you feel you gave her 'a good send off', that's really important.

Unfortunately, he's right about the balloons & wildlife & the message really does need to get out there. It's something I feel quite strongly about, but I have never once mentioned it to someone who has done it at a funeral. As you say, once it's done, it's done and you have to hope people get the message at another time. If people are planning to do it at a funeral I sometimes mention it if I feel I can do it gently, if not, I let it go. If they are planning on doing it for a wedding/party/fun then I definitely tell them.

The helium is a different issue. I have heard reports that it's 'dirty helium' and not useful for anything else anyway. I must look into it.

I also don't buy the 'if you put it on twitter you invite people to comment so tough'. Just because people choose to use social media it doesn't mean everyone else has to act like a prick - you can still have compassion & act like a decent human being. FGS.

MyFairyKing · 17/09/2014 08:27

I agree with his point but I think there is a time and a place. This was neither. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Meh.

Topaz25 · 17/09/2014 08:38

Balloon releases do have an impact on wildlife but I would only mention that to someone who was planning one, not when the damage has already been done and it was for something so personal. I can't imagine the insensitivity of someone who trawls through Twitter looking for memorial balloon release posts to criticise, there are other ways of raising awareness. Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/09/2014 08:48

Thank you so much for your sympathies, it means a lot. She was a truly remarkable woman Smile

OP posts:
trice · 17/09/2014 08:57

Sorry for your loss op.

Twitter is open to everyone and that is why personal things should not go up there.

Balloon releases are lovely but unfortunately bad for the environment and wildlife.

The 'dirty' helium thing is a load of bollocks.

Topaz25 · 17/09/2014 09:01

I really feel for you, I was recently criticised about something I was doing in memory of my gran and it is really upsetting when it's something so personal.

MidniteScribbler · 17/09/2014 09:02

Don't do something that is environmentally damaging, put it on the public domain which can be viewed by millions of people, then get the shits when someone calls you out on it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/09/2014 09:13

I'm sorry that you lost your nan, OP.

I do think that this man has a very valid point. People seem to jump on bandwagons and become ostentatious about displaying their feelings. Balloons are harmful for the environment and wildlife and there's no need for them. Nice they may look but what of it? Chinese lanterns are of the same ilk. So many people are doing the same thing all the time and think that they have the absolute right to do it. They're not the ones cleaning up dead animals and removing detritus/litter from everywhere.

I don't think there would have been a good time and place to tell you, OP. This man targets balloon posters and he has the right to do that, as much as you have the right to do what you want.

WannaBe · 17/09/2014 09:14

twitter is a public platform. If you put public comments out on the internet then you have no control over who reads them or reacts to them. He most likely just searches out keywords (or has an app to do it) and therefore just targets according to those rather than situations iyswim.

Just block and move on.

sunflower49 · 17/09/2014 09:20

I am sorry for your loss,he could have waited at least! Thanks

But I agree with him.About environmental impact, suffering to wildlife and the use of helium. Sorry. It's done now, don't let his 'advice' upset you.

softlysoftly · 17/09/2014 09:22

Check your PM. Sorry for your loss.

HangingBasketCase · 17/09/2014 09:27

I don't disagree with him, however his timing seems horribly insensitive and unkind. It's not hard to show a recently bereaved person a bit of empathy and compassion surely.

whatsbehindthegreendoor · 17/09/2014 09:31

Although his timing was awful, perhaps he feels that the only way to get his message across is to strike while the iron's hot so to speak. If he's that passionate about his subject matter, he's not going to care one jot about upsetting people, and he's managed to get people talking about it on here, so to him, the job's done.

micah · 17/09/2014 09:35

He's got his point across pretty effectively though hasn't he. And by timing it as he has he's created discussion, and got his message much further than doing it "nicely"

It was a thing for you and you relatives to do for you. I have friends who have worked their whole careers in conservation. Finding your endangered animals dead or dying entangled in human rubbish is horrible.

Sorry for your loss.

thewomaninwhite · 17/09/2014 09:37

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Nan. It sounds like you had a lovely service for her and that she was a very special lady indeed.

I agree re balloon releases in terms of being bad for animals etc I avoid them (and also Chinese Lanterns) for this reason. I see a lot of people using them in the babyloss community. I lost my DD1 so do appreciate how personal the things that we do to remember our loved ones are. I would never comment on a post like yours negatively and do agree that the person lacked empathy. I am sorry that he made you feel the way he did yesterday on what was a special day for your and your family.

cakecake · 17/09/2014 09:43

The helium (impure helium gas) used in helium balloon is not the same as liquid helium (used for the MRI market), it is actually a byproduct of liquid helium. So helium balloons actually use very little of the helium reserves.

People are pretty heartless and feel that they can say whatever they like over the internet with total disregard for people's feelings. I wouldn't worry about him...but i would remember that it is people like him that are doing everything they can to protect the environment (some that i imagine gets very little thanks).

OTOH....it's a bit late to tell you about the environmental implications once you have already done it...maybe he should aim to get people to re think BEFORE they do it!

ButternutBosc · 17/09/2014 09:46

His timing was quite insensitive but he has a point. As others have said, you posted publicly about this and not everyone is going to agree with you.

Delete the post and his messages, change your account to private and try and forget about it.

Toughasoldboots · 17/09/2014 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 17/09/2014 10:09

If he had sent me that message I would have told him to fuck off. It's nobody elses business, you are not committing a crime.

His timing was disgusting and shows he has no real compasion.

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 17/09/2014 10:10

compassion

Toughasoldboots · 17/09/2014 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greyhound · 17/09/2014 10:17

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

I don't really see the point of this guy telling you off after the event!

However, I do disapprove of ballon / lantern releases as they do litter.

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/09/2014 10:18

MidniteScribbler - perhaps read the thread?

I agree with what he's saying, but I don't want to hear about it the morning after I've buried my Nan. To be 'told off' by an utter random has made me extremely upset - he has no idea of the circumstance surrounding it.

For him to search 'balloon release' on twitter and preach to people who he's never heard of and vice versa - I feel - is extremely creepy.

I've protected my account now anyway

OP posts:
Anagallisarvensis · 17/09/2014 10:19

Hello. Very sorry for your loss. I organise litter picks and think I know the person who contacted you about balloon releases. The sooner balloon releases are banned, along with chinese lanterns, the better. We need to raise awareness of the problems they cause. I can understand why his timing in your case caused so much upset - you thought you were doing something lovely to remember your Nan and it must hurt to be challenged on it. Before I knew what harm they caused I volunteered to spend a day typing messages for a balloon release to remember people who had died from AIDS. I meant well but I regret it now.

Territt16 · 17/09/2014 10:21

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar

it is a crime, its littering!!!

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