To ask your best comeback?

[Sister77]

Today I used the "did you mean to be so rude?" Line on someone who is notoriously arsey and bitchy.
The result was you could have heard a pin drop and he turned red and scuttled of to his desk!
I felt so good! Empowered! (I know I'm sad!)
What's the best line you've used in a comeback and what was the result?
I am buzzing! This man has been so nasty and sexist and I normally go red and duck my head!

Yay, go you! I'm quite fond of " would you like to borrow my phone, to call someone who gives a shit?"

Just can't beat a well meant 'Fuck you!'

Well done btw :)

Please remind me. Which finishing school of charm and diplomacy did you attend?

Well done op. Bet that felt good.

"I don't hate you. That would imply I care enough to form an opinion about you"

Whilst out turning pockets "Im looking for a fuck to give you"

my fave with the local ruffians who 'started' when i was a teen was;

"it's ok, it's not my fault your mummy didn't love you."

took the wind out of their sails for long enough usually

I don't really say much to be honest. I just give an unimpressed stare and give them a serious answer with no joy or humor in my voice.

Example:
"Where is the manager?!"
"Taking a smoke break. He'll be back in a few minutes. You may speak to him then."

I guess being calm and quiet while not getting apologetic or bending to them is more intimidating than giving a predictable match in aggression. Because most people back right off and leave me alone. I'm probably just boring to mess with.

I would call you a cunt but you lack the warmth or the depth.

Jesus..

Years ago, not many years after Uni, DW (was GF then) attended a weekend course. Someone else there knew me from Uni and found out DW worked with me.
She approached DW to ask whether I was "still an ineffectual dithering idiot". DW gave her her best withering stare and said, dead pan, "not since he's been sleeping with me". Cue acute embarrassment and desperate attempts to explain herself.

These comebacks sound as bad as cringe pickup lines.

I don't tend to use the one liners because while they sound funny on paper, you can practically guarantee that in the moment, you won't remember any, or that if you do, you'll stutter over them. Or you'll sound like you rehearse them and then people will think you're a dick

When people start on me (unreasonably and nastily. Which isn't often but sometimes), I just tend to tell them that I don't care what they think about anything.

It works because it's true and because there really isn't much room for discussion after that.

Piper that is a fucking fantastic retort! I shall be storing and using that one.

Usually I just open my hands and say "Look how many fucks I give."

That was a little below the belt. Somehow I dont think that's the first time a woman has said that to you.

My usual response is my death/are you for real stare followed by 'haha really?!'. People generally don't know how to respond to that or they get arsey and make themselves look more silly.

I did once use 'Do you realise how much of an arsehole you sound?'
Said to a friend of a friend who used to bang on to us all about what drugs he had taken/the latest woman he had used for sex/the latest fight he had gotten into...basically anything that he deemed made him seem big and clever but actually had the opposite effect. I got away with saying it because he thought I was 'great' apparently-to be fair he did curb his crap around me after that and was quite nice without it.

My fave for men making inappropriate comments (eg 'I'd fuck you silly' as one charmer put it

'Ive already got one cunt in my pants, I don't need two'

I've only had the balls to use it once, but it did the job.

Piper PMSL while sitting on a train. Other passengers puzzled!

I think many of these these risk bringing the retorter as low as the person who was rude in the first place. Obviously a lot depends on context, but in professional situations, surely people aren't going to use comebacks involving variants on 'fuck off' or referencing the female genitalia? And some sleazeball coming onto you in a bar is probably going to see it as a victory that he got you to say 'cunt'? You're giving rude people ammunition.

I've said this before on here, but my default is to look coolly at the person being rude and say in a neutral voice 'Could you repeat that?' It works because you haven't given anything away or escalated, and while it could simply be that you didn't hear what was said, having to repeat the crude comment often makes the speaker think twice, or be embarrassed, especially if other people are now also listening.

Not snappy or witty, but effective.

(Obviously context is all, again.)

Louise, I think the majority of men who make lewd comments do it to shock you into having no reaction. You might not agree with others' swearing, but that's simply a matter of personal preference. I'm perfectly happy to say cunt.

Oh, I swear like a docker. As I said, it depends on context. If someone was rude to me in a work situation, I wouldn't swear, but if someone roared something sleazy out the window of their car, I might well turn the air blue.

I think the problem is that they all sound too rehearsed and pre-planned, implying you think about this person a great deal. Not really the impression you want to give.

Nothing. Let them fill the silence that follows their best work.

Or I affect that I'd zoned out without hearing them and say 'hmm..?' looking expectant. They don't usually repeat.

Someone once made a comment about my weight ( I'd put half a stone on max and was fairly skinny).

My come back "I can lose my weight, that face is going to be with you forever!"

Felt a bit bad about it but hey they started it.

I usually say 'pardon? What did you say?' Because I'm a chicken shit and would rather they feel embarrassed.

DP's workmate is rather large and DP joked about it, his workmate said 'every time I fuck your wife she makes me a sandwich'. I didn't know whether to be offended by this or amazed at his wit!

I don't trust myself to verbally retaliate at work without getting the sack. I work in a pub so the dynamics and politics are probably different to an office.

So, I have perfected a glare especially for work. One slightly raised eyebrow, locked eye contact, no blinking and just enough of an incredulous smile to cause an uncomfortable moment.

I work with a few morons. It gets used a lot.