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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want SIL to take so much pictures of my two DSs

36 replies

Pumpkaboo · 16/09/2014 12:54

Ok I'm willing to be told I'm BU. My dh and I have two boys, 3 and 5. My dhs younger sister (who is lovely) is very close to them and comes over to ours maybe a few times a month to see them and sometimes to babysit for us.

I get on really well with SIL, I have no complaints about her other wise, but every time she comes to ours she takes out her phone and snaps loads of pictures of my DSs. Every single time.

It is starting to annoy me a bit tbh. I know she isn't going to do anything sinister with them, I'm not suggesting that. She also doesn't have twitter/fb or anything so she's not going to display them there. I actually don't know what she does with them, puts them on her laptop I guess.

But she just takes so many of them. I find it a bit strange. Dh doesn't think anything of it and just says it's because she's so close to them and loves them, which I don't doubt, but she just takes her phone out and snaps and snaps and snaps like there's no tomorrow. It's not as if she never sees them Confused

Wibu to tel her to stop taking so much? Or at least ask her what the heck she does with them all?

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 16/09/2014 12:56

I think I'd have to ask. 'They haven't changed since you last saw them you know, do you really need to take pictures every time you see them?'

Boomerwang · 16/09/2014 12:57

It's disconcerting, but some families think a lot of preserving memories in a photograph. You might look back in time and be grateful for the pictures she took.

Can't you put it aside as just one of the small differences between the two of you? I don't think I'd say anything if the relationship was otherwise fine.

OwlCapone · 16/09/2014 12:58

She loves and is interested in her nephews.
How terrible for you.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/09/2014 12:59

What's the problem? She's not posting the all over the internet which would be my concern. Perhaps she likes to look at them or show them to friends and colleagues. She loves them. Surely that's a good thing? Or maybe she's a good photographer and likes to practise?

Vinomcstephens · 16/09/2014 13:00

I think as AIBU's go this one is possibly the one that's made me ask "wtf" the loudest...

You have a problem with your sister in law...taking pictures of your children? Pictures that you know have no sinister purpose other than she, erm, wants to take pictures of your kids while she spends time with them?

I'm almost speechless. But not quite so can still tell you that YABU.

AmberLav · 16/09/2014 13:02

Some people just love taking pictures of the things they love - if my SiL didn't take pictures of my DCs, we'd have a lot less pictures of the kids, and she's much better at taking pictures than we are!

I still find it a little disconcerting when I go on facebook and see multiple pictures of the kids, but she knows what is reasonable to post...

Actually my DSis is a bit the same...

Peppa87 · 16/09/2014 13:02

I take loads of photos, memories are important to me, and i love creating photo albums.
Maybe she is the same?
Doesn't sound bad to me.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2014 13:02

Seriously OP?

Do you have issues where you're not in control of other parts of your life?

I only ask because I know two people like that and they are very much 'My child, my rules', because of it.

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/09/2014 13:03

She obviously dotes on your children and sounds like a lovely auntie you are very lucky OP I wouldn't give it a second thought

CaptainFracasse · 16/09/2014 13:06

Some people just have this idea that if you do something special or see young children, then you have to take lots of pictures. Even easier now with cameras on the phone etc.

I think the first poster was right. Just make a jokey comment about the fact they haven't really change since the last time.

But I wouldn't make a huge fuss about it.

SanitaryOwl · 16/09/2014 13:07

Your children aren't going to fade away because a loving aunty takes lots of pictures of them, you know. Such a problem to have!

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 16/09/2014 13:07

Perhaps it's just me being silly. She is a lovely auntie to them, a really lovely person on the whole. I just wonder why she needs to take so much. When she is babysitting for us she always has a funny video of the two of them doing something silly to show us when we get home again.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/09/2014 13:14

Is photography her hobby?

Sparklypants · 16/09/2014 13:17

I'm not really sure what the problem is here...your sil obviously loves your children and as she's not plastering their faces all over the internet I think it's a bit of a non issue.

I wouldn't dream of telling my dsis not to take pics of my dc. She's their aunt and loves them dearly.

Minikievs · 16/09/2014 13:17

I take loads of photos because as soon as I think my DC look adorable/funny, they move, and I end up with hundreds of the "same" photo, trying to capture it. Maybe this is what she is doing.

The video while babysitting is adorable and really thoughtful to show you, I would love this.

IMO YABU!

SmashleyHop · 16/09/2014 13:19

I take tons of pics of my kids- mostly because only 1-2 of them come out half decent. Most of them turn out blurry or they are making a face.

Try not to be annoyed- she sounds lovely and helpful.

dinkystinky · 16/09/2014 13:19

Im with the wtf crew. She loves her nephews, she takes lots of photos to preserve memories of time spent with them, funny expressions they make, things they're doing/wearing etc. I'm the same. My parents are the same. Our nanny is the same. They are not being widely broadcast and she is taking them for personal use. Let it lie and be pleased she loves her nephews so.

notinagreatplace · 16/09/2014 13:21

So, you have a SIL who you get on really well with, who loves your kids and is willing to babysit.. why are you looking for problems?

LadyLuck10 · 16/09/2014 13:21

It's stuff like this that's EXACTLY why il's sometimes don't want to be too involved with kids. It's you who is the issue not her, and don't say anything about this to her because you will make her take a big step back and doubt even wanting to be so involved with them.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/09/2014 13:22

That's a fair point from Smashly. I took loads of pictures of my DS's first day at school yesterday. Taking out the blurred ones, the ones where DCs were pulling funny faces or leaning over I've probably go about 5 or 6 good ones. Perhaps she weeds them out to the best few when she gets home.

trikken · 16/09/2014 13:25

I wouldn't worry too much. Its only because she loves them. I find myself doing this too. Children change so much so quickly its nice to look back and see how they change.

BackInTheGame · 16/09/2014 13:27

I can empathise with your sil here - I love taking pics so much that my nickname is 'paparazzi'! I don't know why I love taking them but I always have a camera on me and take pics of every day or night out and hundreds on holiday! I only put the nice / funny /interesting ones up on fbk and people are usually grateful that I've taken so many as nobody else really bothers so it's a nice memory of the occasion. Some people do hate having pics taken though so I try to remember those people and avoid pointing a lens at them! Never known anyone to get annoyed at me taking pics of someone else though!

I guess my closest situation to yours is that I think my parents' cats are just the cutest things and I take hundreds of pics of them and love looking through them/sharing them with my brother. I don't have any nieces or nephews yet but I do think I would tone down the number of pics of them, as animals don't even know they're having their pics taken but kids might get annoyed by it?

But I think you definitely have nothing to worry about, it's just something she enjoys and it's all the more fun taking pics of people who a) she loves and b) are super cute!

Congrats on having such a lovely sil Smile

TiggerLillies · 16/09/2014 13:28

My sister letting me take photos of her children over the past 10 years is what improved my photography skills from rubbish to now being paid for photography, thankfully for me she was grateful as she doesn't take many herself and has lost a bunch through damaged computer.
Nowadays I find my friends want me to take pics and I'm not so keen as semi pro, make the most of it! Agree with the poster who says a lot of her photos are blurry, maybe she is just trying to find the perfect pic? Maybe she can share some of them with you?

Notso · 16/09/2014 13:31

DH's whole family take a bazillion pictures all the time. They are always making photo books, calendars and other photo stuff and have photos in frames all over the place.
Generally I don't mind it as long as they aren't taking too many of me. It's when they want them to pose it gets annoying with waving, clicking fingers, promising chocolate etc.

Itsfab · 16/09/2014 13:37

Does she do anything with them or does she just look at them through a lens?

FIL constantly took pictures of the kids when small. He forever had a video camera in their faces. DD now refuses to have her picture taken Angry. I blame him.