to be worried about my fertility

[ticktickboomtick]

36 today.

Yikes.

People conceive in their 40s right please

Another of my friends left it too long for trying, she had 3 treatments at 40/41 and now is gong through a breakdown, she says she will always regret not having a child of her own.

Maybe best to write down a selection of scenarios and possible outcomes. For me I will be heartbroken if I don't have a child, at this point adoption is out of the question, however I have the most fantastic partner and if it meant we were childless I'm sure I could cope although very hard at the moment thinking I might not have a child.

Why not explore co-parenting with a gay man or couple who are willing to become parents through sperm donation? Just read the relationships board on here and you will see what a bad idea it is to get with just 'some bloke' to have a baby. Better to go it alone or an alternative family set up to the nuclear idea.

For everyone who conceived no problem at 37 (I did, but it was my third child), there are those who have problems or go on to never conceive.

It might be worth having a fertility MOT as other posters have described, to rule out the chance that you are really infertile. It would be a really shite situation to get into to marry someone less than ideal and then start TTC only to find out it wasn't going to happen...

God I'm a barrel of laughs aren't I. OTOH if there is nothing wrong, 36 gives you a few years yet...

I was 36 when ex dh and I split after 16 years, we had fertility isuues and there were no children. I was convinced that I would never have children, out of the blue 4 months later I met DH - we were married within 8 months and I concieved dd on honeymoon!!! Ds followed a few years later.

You never know how life is going to turn out!!!!

Lots of people have babies in their late thirties/early forties. The only thing is that until you try you don't know if you're going to be one of them or not.

I started ttc at 26/7 and didn't have my first (with help) until 30. If I'd waited until I was 39 say, I'd have been totally screwed. But one of my friends conceived at 40 first go!

If it's something that you know will be hugely important to you, you could look at having a general checkup/some tests now, otherwise try not to fret too much. For most people it will be fine to try later.

Happy birthday

I was in EXACTLY the same position as you at 36 - had spent my thirties single or in relationships that were very short lived. Had loads going on in my life but was endlessly single and felt devastated that I probably wasn't ever going to have a family. Considered the sperm donor route but it just made me feel sad that I was having to consider it as an option.

Then I turned 37 and still nothing had really changed. Quit my job and let out my home and took a flight to the other side of the world and travelled around for 6 months, having the time of my life! A few months after coming home, I met DP through online dating and it quickly became serious. He was horrified when I mentioned the prospect of children so I thanked him for his time and showed him the door, but he then changed his mind and stuck around. After 6 months of trying we conceived DD and she was born when I was 41.

I remember people saying to me that if I was happy in myself then things would fall into place and Mr Right would come along. Bollocks! Sometimes things just don't work out that way. It really isn't easy meeting someone when time isn't on your side, but make sure you don't waste a single minute on the unsuitables - walk away as quickly as you can.

I can't believe I got lucky with having a baby as late as I did, but looking back, I can't see how I could have done anything any differently. Although I'm sure the endless articles in the Daily Mail regarding selfish women and their delaying of childbearing would say differently...

Good luck

You really need to decide which is the lesser of two evils, as you can't guarantee you will meet a man in time.

Single, childless

Single with a child conceived by donor sperm.

Fertility Friends has a great board for women who decide to become single mothers by choice, why not take a look at it before deciding it is definitely not for you?

I'd go it alone before pinning it all on finding a man.

DC1=37
DC2=41
DC3=43

Will that do?

In reality fertility declines dramatically after 35

I was told this a lot an did decide not to wait past this age that and a GP insisted that my heavy periods almost certainly indicated potential fertility problems ( not true as it turned out).

However it did come out while ago that this figure comes from looking at parish records of mid 18 century women who may well have been trying as much as possible not to get pg - given risks of giving birth - the birth records wouldn't show that.

I met DP on my 36th birthday. Conceived whilst on the pill at 39, had DD 6 weeks before my 40th. I have since conceived DC2, aged 41, the month after having my coil out.
Fertility isn't an exact science.

Singlie here with donor conceived dd waves

Before having dd I also got down at the idea of using a donor but I can honestly say that now she is here I am very happy and can't imagine not having done it. All the other women in my position who I have met think the same.

I appreciate it might not be for you, but unless you are adamant don't discount it completely :)

Folks thank you for the stories but I am in no position to have a child alone and more pertinently, don't want to.

I am happy for those who HAVE - but I also know it is not for me.

This means I may be childless and that makes me incredibly sad but just the same this option is not one I feel I can explore.

DS born when I was 34 ( married in June , pregnant by August )
DD born when I was 36 ( 2nd month of trying ) she was born 5 days before my 37th birthday
Maybe I was lucky , but you will be too !

Many thanks!

DD born when I was 37, conceived naturally within three months. I am now 44 and have never tried to conceive another so can't speak for the forties!!

DS1 when I was 41 (18 months no contraception, but not actually 'trying')
DS2 when I was 45 (11 cycles, 2 chemical pregnancies and 1 v cute
baby)
HTH!

Cat - my new heroine!

But hey, Tick you should see what they're saying about me on the other thread!!!

ticktick - so in a nutshell you want to have children when in a relationship. therefore you have to do a couple of things. number one join lots of on line dating sites, not just the ones local to you. you will increase your chances of finding a suitable man the more men you meet - simple mathematics. number 2 - there is no such thing as Mr Right, only Mr Compromise. as we get older we get fussier so decide what you will compromise on and what you wont then stick to it. don't look for reasons why not but for reasons why. and finally get a fertility MOT. If your menopause starts early like mine did this may well focus your mind or even change it about sperm donation. sorry, I know the word love isn't in this post but there it is. its the dilemma of modern women who want it all and find that they cant have it. good luck.

I don't need a fertility mot, because it won't make any difference. Sperm donation isn't for everybody - to be blunt, I'm not completely happy about the ethics of bringing a child into the world as a lone parent.

That isn't a judgement on those who DO do it of course but it is not for me.

How very rude to tell me I 'want it all'

Cat - I know. Selfish, so you are!

My Mum had 6 children starting at age 26, the last two were at age 39 and 41.

Now I've been musing. The thing is I'm not v happy in my marriage but have stuck it out for babies ( for right or wrong).
I suppose you're looking at something similar in settling for Mr OK not Mr Right.
But those who think they've got Mr Right and have the babies, may discover later on he's Mr Nasty.
In the end we all have to compromise somewhere in relationships, where depends on your priorities.

I don't believe in Mr Right as a concept. I do believe in being with someone I care about, who will care about me and any future children we may have together.

I haven't mentioned compromising on that - a few other people have, which it feel is a shame in some ways, as while I recognise marital breakdown is a fact of life it's obviously best avoided if possible.